Just a Kiss
by Alicia Jo Twain
Summary: A collection of Sexis shorts with pieces of SamLexis. SamLexis/Sexis "Because of You" story finally complete!
1. Tears Dry On Their Own pt1

In the wake of GH's continuous Sexislessness, I decided to write a series of one-shots, each centering on some kind of Sexis kiss. Hence, the title.

Basically, it's just a bunch of random what-ifs in my pining away for Sexis.

Set in real-time. Some one-shots will also feature SamLexis.

Hope you like it.

No SamLexis in this one.

* * *

**Tears Dry On Their Own pt.1**

The midday sunlight seeped through the newly installed blinds of the D.A.'s office. The sprinkled rays created an unfamiliar pattern of shade and light on the carpeting, but Alexis hadn't noticed. Seated at her desk, she was absentmindedly eating her take-out chicken salad, consumed by the stacks of paperwork requiring her attention before the weekend began.

_Seven down_, Alexis noted mentally as she placed a folder onto the stack of papers to her right. She sighed at the sight of the towering pile to her left. _And still ten more to go_.

Alexis' thoughts of work were interrupted by the ringing of her cell phone. Looking at the caller ID, Alexis sighed again. _Please don't be a pain in the ass today,_ she implored silently as she pressed the answer button.

"Yes, Sonny?" She knew the weariness in her voice was evident.

"Hi, Alexis," Sonny replied sweetly. Too sweetly.

There was a brief pause.

"I'm busy. What do you want?"

"I have a favor to ask."

"What is it?" She made no effort to hide her impatience; she didn't have time for games.

"Could you meet me at the south end of the Metro Court parking lot in an hour?"

Alexis didn't respond.

"Please?"

"Sonny, it's Friday; I'm tired; I just want to go home. Can't this wait until tomorrow or next week?"

"No, Alexis, it can't. I just need you for fifteen minutes. This is important; I promise."

Alexis sensed the urgency in his voice.

"Fine, but fifteen minutes–-that's it!" Alexis warned.

"You have my word. I have a meeting afterwards, anyway."

"Metro Court parking lot in an hour?"

"Right," Sonny confirmed as the line went dead.

* * *

An hour later, Sonny was patiently waiting at the parking lot dressed in his trademark black suit. Alexis was running late, but he didn't mind. Juggling two full-time jobs as the town's district attorney and a single mother of two young children had to be hard—even for a woman like Alexis.

Sonny's mind wandered back to that morning. After waking up, he'd taken a quick shower and gulped down some breakfast. Then he'd gone to see his girl.

Kristina. His lips curled into a smile as he thought about his daughter. She was such an adorable little girl—so innocent and trusting, so unaware of his flaws. She didn't care who or what he was: she just loved her daddy.

As a swiftly-moving figure approached, Sonny's mind refocused to the present.

"I'm sorry I'm late," Alexis managed to say through heavy irregular breaths as her stiletto-clad feet finally reached their destination.

"That's okay," Sonny replied good-naturedly.

A moment of silence followed as Sonny waited for Alexis to catch her breath.

"Okay, what's up?" Alexis met his eyes readily.

"I just needed to give you this." He handed her a large manila envelope.

Opening it, she pulled out a stack of papers. "What is it?"

"It's a legal contract—a power of attorney. It gives you the right to make any decisions concerning Kristina by yourself."

"Okay …" Alexis responded cautiously.

Sonny took a deep breath. The words to follow had been well thought out and carefully rehearsed—he couldn't risk a misinterpretation.

"Despite our differences—and whatever you may think that I think of our situation—I trust you, Alexis, and I know that you will always have Kristina's best interests at heart. That's why I had this power of attorney drawn up."

"Why don't you just terminate your parental rights?"

Sonny sighed. He knew hoping for gracious acceptance would be too much to ask from Alexis. But then again, he hardly valued Alexis for her graciousness.

"Because I think that it's hard enough for Kristina not growing up with a full-time father. I can't be there to take her to baseball games, watch her school plays, or tuck her in every night. She's also had to witness our tug of war, being friends one minute and then hating—"

"I always made sure that she was as minimally impacted by our issues as possible! You know that."

"I know, Alexis, and I'm not blaming you. It's both our faults," he said calmly. "My point is that kids are not stupid. Kristina can sense things, and one thing she will never be able to do as an adult is look back on her childhood and remember her mom and dad, and her sister, and a house with a picket fence. She will never have that because we never gave it to her. Yes, she will remember having two loving parents—we've both tried to outdo each other in that department."

Sonny gave her a small smile, remembering the many times he and Alexis had competed for their daughter's affection. As if her love could be bought. But Kristina had certainly enjoyed being spoiled.

Alexis' reluctant smile told him she knew what he meant.

Sonny continued, "What I'm trying to say is that Kristina can sense the animosity between us when it's there. I still remember the tense atmosphere that I grew up in, that existed even before Deke started hitting me and my mother."

Sonny hesitated. Even now, thinking about Deke caused him pain. Sonny may have faced the memories of his childhood, but the scars still hurt.

He felt a hand squeeze his arm. He blinked, and his eyes locked with Alexis'. She understood.

"I know that you know, Alexis. And that is why I trust you. Trusting you has nothing to do with me not wanting to give up Kristina. Not only do I trust you with our daughter, but I trust you implicitly."

He let the words sink in.

Surprisingly, Alexis accepted his statement at face-value. Although her countenance had registered surprise at his revelation, there was no verbal response.

Sonny continued, "I just think that the circumstances of Kristina's life are hard enough without the additional trauma of an addendum on her birth certificate saying that her father gave her up at the age of eight."

"I would never let her think that. What happened to you trusting me?"

"I know you wouldn't, but if I sign her away for good, I will always be the father who abandoned her. On paper it's all black and white; there's no room for grey."

Alexis sighed. "And we're all about grey."

"Even when we try not to be."

A brief pause followed, but it was a comforting one.

"So basically, you're giving me a free hand in Kristina's upbringing?"

Sonny knew the lawyer in Alexis was still hesitant.

"Like I said, I trust you, Alexis. There's no catch. I trust you because when it really matters, you let your heart win."

Alexis opened her mouth to protest, but before a torrent of accusations could leave her throat, Sonny gently placed his index finger on her lips to quiet her.

"There is nothing you can say to make me believe otherwise, because I know you. And I will say it again: when it really matters, you let your heart win. If you didn't, Kristina would not exist."

Sonny knew his example was full proof, and Alexis' silence only confirmed what he already knew: Kristina had been conceived in love. It was debatable when that love had begun, and when—or if—it had ended. It was unknown to what extent and for how long that love had affected the choices they had made. But one thing was certain: it was love that had joined them that night, and whatever they said or did afterwards could never alter that fact.

"Anyway, as a token of my trust, I petitioned for Kristina's passport and signed the request without dating it—in case you ever need to get one."

"Oh." Alexis was speechless. Another point for Sonny.

"Well, I know you're busy, so I better get going."

"Oh. Okay." She seemed a little flustered. "Thank you, Sonny—for this." She indicated to the envelope, as she put it in her briefcase.

"Always put Kristina first—that's what we agreed." Sonny was reluctant to take credit for making sure his daughter didn't meet the fate of her older brother; his guilt did not allow him to feel worthy of her gratitude. His eyes misted at the thought of Michael bound to a hospital bed; it was an image that he knew would haunt him for a long time to come.

"We did, but still—thank you." Alexis gave him a genuine smile.

"It was time," was all Sonny managed to say, as water continued to fill his eyes.

Alexis extended her hand out to him. He took her hand, clutching it tightly between his own. Holding his gaze, her other hand gently brushed the back of his before her palm enveloped his pronounced knuckles. Only then, in the refuge of Alexis' compassion, did a tear trickle down Sonny's cheek. Unwilling to let go of her, he made no effort to wipe it away. Another tear dropped.

Alexis leaned towards him and placed two soft, almost imperceptible, kisses on the trails of his tears. Her eyes locked with his once again, and she smiled.

The edges of Sonny's mouth curled in return. With just a look of warmth and a gentle touch, she had relieved some of his burden. His grip on her hand softened, and her left hand tenderly traced the bones of his strong hands.

When the unshed tears had dried, Sonny squeezed Alexis' hand once again. She squeezed back. Their hands slowly released each other: it was time to let go.

She cleared her throat. "I guess I should be getting back to the office."

"Don't work too hard." He smiled and winked. "After all, tomorrow is another day."

Sonny slowly leaned in to give her a peck on the cheek. As she inhaled, his eyes caught her lips parting. Drawn to her inviting mouth, his lips gently landed onto hers. He leisurely trailed small kisses along the contours of her mouth. She didn't pull away, and her lack of rejection encouraged him. Unhurriedly, he teased her lower lip with his tongue. His teeth grazed the sensitive skin and sucked on it tenderly.

She traced his upper lip with the tip of her tongue, playfully reciprocating the kiss. Sonny's hand instantly found its way to the back of her head—he had to feel her mouth if only once more. She responded with equal passion; his mouth welcomed her tongue as her arms snaked around his torso, pulling his body closer. Her hands eagerly roamed his body, while his fingers got lost in her made-up hair.

After she retreated into her own mouth, he followed. Bodies flush against each other, their tongues played hide and seek for a seemingly endless moment. It was a moment that knew no past, present, or future; it was merely two individuals desiring to become one.

. . .

Suddenly, Sonny felt his body respond to her. As unexpectedly as he had initiated the kiss, he pulled away from her.

"I have to go," he muttered as he turned and hurried to his car.

He silently scolded himself for getting so wrapped up in her, yet he couldn't help but smile, as he brought his fingers to his lips: she had felt exactly as he had remembered. He wished with all his might that he could have just stayed at that parking lot, kissing Alexis forever.

As he opened the door of his car, he heard her yell after him, "You can't just kiss me and walk away, Sonny Corinthos!"

He couldn't turn around for fear that she might follow. He sat in the driver's seat, checking the rearview mirror: Alexis stood exactly where he'd left her.

Sonny smiled to himself. He loved Alexis Davis. Then he slammed the car door shut.

BOOM!!

Alexis' eyes suddenly registered fire, as loud explosive sounds deafened her ears. Her arms instinctively shielded her face, and adrenalin caused her legs to run for cover.

More blasts ensued, accompanied with thuds and clatter. The ground beneath Alexis' crouched body vibrated with the explosions.

It wasn't until the clangs of metal had ceased that she dared to open her eyes. Bracing herself, she leaned on the car she had hidden behind and took a deep breath. Her palms moved along the side of the olive-green vehicle, as she cautiously retraced her last steps.

Engulfed in fire, a mass of random automobile fragments was in the place where Sonny's car had been only moments earlier. Grayish-brown smoke billowed from the pile, as the smell of singed flesh reached Alexis' nose.

Had Sonny's car just exploded?

It couldn't be.

"No," she said, as she shook her head. "It's not possible." Her head moved violently from side to side; she kept repeating, "No. No. No."

She felt her breathing becoming shallow, and she gasped for air, steadying herself against another car.

Alexis brushed her fingertips over her lips.

Yes, it had been real.

All of it.

Sonny was dead.

. . .

Once the thought registered, Alexis switched to survival mode. Locating her briefcase, she quickly fumbled through it until she found her cell phone. She dialed 911 and gave the operator the necessary information.

After hanging up, Alexis looked down at herself. Her visually intact body only confirmed what her other senses had told her: she was fine. Her suit was soiled with dust and random particles, and her once-transparent pantyhose were a dark shade of grey, adorned with a few tiny fragments of metal. But she was fine.

A commotion of voices in the distance made Alexis look up, but her eyes were again drawn to the destruction before her.

She carefully approached the fuming rubble of what had once been a black Mercedes Benz. The car seemed to have exploded into a million different bits. The mounting smoke made her cough and obscured her line of sight. She couldn't make out the hood, the car doors, or the trunk, but she saw the blood. Lots and lots of blood. Painted on seemingly every piece of debris. Sonny's blood.

It couldn't be. Sonny couldn't be dead. Sonny was the man with nine lives. He never died.

He'd just gotten out of the mob. He'd just given her the power of attorney. He was trying to change. Things were supposed to be getting better, not worse.

Oblivious to the large group of people that had gathered, Alexis' legs gave out from under her as she fell to her knees, crumbling to the floor like a paper doll. Sonny had been the tin soldier. He couldn't die. He just couldn't.

Slumped in front of the wreckage of Sonny's life, the fire blazed before her eyes. Alexis didn't have the strength to stand up. Her smoke-stung eyes stared coldly into the flames, her breathing shallow and faint. Silent and motionless she remained until the ambulance arrived.


	2. Tears Dry On Their Own pt2

Thanks a bunch to to MissLovelyEagle9 who betaed the story!

This was originally supposed to be a one-shot, but then I couldn't have it end like that. There's one more part after this one and then we're back to kissing.

Alexis centric, with some SamLexis.

* * *

**Tears Dry On Their Own**** pt.2**

Alexis dragged herself into her bedroom at last. It had been a long and harrowing day: after the explosion everything had gone crazy.

The rescue team had extracted Sonny's remains and sent them to the medical examiner's office.

Alexis had gone though the motions. As the only witness, she had to talk to the police. As the district attorney, she had to talk to the police. Because of her previous personal and professional relationship with Sonny, she had to talk to the police.

She was still at the police station when the news came: the dental records were a match—it had been him.

Not only was Sonny, the father of her daughter, dead, but so was the former mob boss of Port Charles. Alexis knew that would bring repercussions no one could anticipate in the long days ahead.

Carly had wanted a preliminary reading of the will read as soon as identity had been confirmed. Alexis reluctantly attended–-for her daughter's sake. It came as no surprise that the will's primary beneficiaries were Sonny's three children. Jason inherited the coffee business, while Max and a few other employees received handsome rewards for their years of loyal service. Generous sums of money had also been left to Carly, Alexis, and—quite unexpectedly—Sam. Carly wasn't thrilled, but for once she seemed satisfied with her share. Alexis was comforted; in the end, Sonny had been the good man that she always knew him to be. He had also been careful to ensure the safety of his beneficiaries: the inherited money had been placed in trust funds and offshore accounts with no connection to the name of Sonny Corinthos. Alexis was glad that at least she wouldn't have to lie to Kristina about the kind of person that her father had been.

When Alexis finally made it home, her three girls were waiting for her. She had called Sam earlier with the news, and her daughter had offered to take care of her sisters until Alexis came home.

Signaling for Sam to take Molly upstairs, Alexis remembered sitting down on the couch next to Kristina, completely unprepared to have the most difficult conversation of her life.

"_Kristina, I have to tell you something. It's about __your daddy."_

"_What's wrong?" Kristina looked at her mother wide-eyed. She could always sense Alexis' apprehension. _

"_Daddy—uh—daddy died today."_

"_Died? Like went to heaven?"_

"_Yeah, sweetie, to heaven. Like your aunt and your grandmother."_

"_Can't he come back to visit me?"_

"_No,__ he can't."_

"_So I'll never see him again?"_

_Alexis shook her head sadly; s__he couldn't use words to break her daughter's heart._

"_But it's not fair. I want my daddy back! I didn't want him to go to heaven!__ I told him that I didn't want him to leave!"_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_He came to school today__, and we played during recess, and then he said he had to go, but I wanted him to stay longer—I wanted to play with Daddy. He said he would see me soon. He said we would play again!" _

"_I know, __sweetie, I know. He thought he would, but he's in a better place now, up there, and he's always going to be looking out for you. He's your guardian angel."_

"_But my aunt is my guardian angel.__"_

"_Because you're so special__, you get to have two."_

"_But I don't want two guardian angels__! I was happy with one! I want Daddy back!" Tears welled in Kristina's eyes._

"_He would have__ wanted that more than anything."_

"_It's not fair. Why did he have to go? Why?"_

"_He loved you so much, Kristina. You have to know that.__"_

"_It's not fair! I want my daddy back! Daddy, come back!! Please come back, Daddy!"_

_All Alexis could do was hold her daughter and tell her that it would be okay, as her own eyes filled with tears that she could not afford to shed right then._

It had taken two long hours to calm Kristina down so that she could sleep. To Alexis' relief, Sam had put Molly to bed and had made tea. Alexis recalled the short, yet comforting, conversation she'd had with her eldest daughter, as they sat in the kitchen, quietly sipping their tea.

"_Thank you, Sam, for today. I don't know what I would have done without you."_

"_That's what grown-up daughters __are for." Sam smiled. "I thought I'd stay over tonight too."_

"_No, no. I don't want to impose. I'm fine, really."_

"_You're fine?" Sam raised her eyebrows._

"_Okay, maybe I'm not fine," Alexis conceded with a sigh, "but I'm not going to be good company. I think I really need to be alone—to think about everything."_

"_That's okay__. I'll stay in case Kristina and Molly need something; you need a good night's sleep."_

"_I'm not sure if I'll be sleeping much tonight, but thank you. How are you holding up?"_

"_Okay, I guess. __I know that this really affects you more, but I can't help but think that it could have been Jason."_

"_You still care for him."_

"_A part of me does. Just like a part of you still cares for Sonny." _

_Sam stopped for a moment, before continuing, "Caring totally sucks."_

_Alexis sighed. __"Yes, it does." _

_A__ long pause followed, as the two women found themselves lost in thought._

_Then __Alexis refocused her eyes. "I meant to ask you: how do you feel about Sonny making you a beneficiary?"_

"_I'm not sure I know. First, I was really surprised. I mean, it's been so long since Sonny and me. In the past year or two he was more my little sister's father than anything else, so in a way what happened between us feels like another lifetime. But it's nice to know that he valued and respected me as a human being. I'm confused as to why he left me all that money though. I mean, our baby was gone; I was with Jason—we weren't friends or anything."_

_Alexis smiled. __"I think he saw some of himself in you."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_When I was going through chemo we had a couple of long talks. You came up in one of them, and—in his own way—Sonny helped me see your point of view."_

_  
__"How?"_

"_At the time you and I were struggling to connect, and it's not that Sonny said anything specific that I can pinpoint to. I can't really explain it; I just sensed that his attitude towards you was benevolent. My instincts about men as partners may be nonexistent, but my instincts as a mother are infallible. It's the same way that I know that he adored Kristina with every fiber of his being. He was also fond of Molly. There was this one night—Sonny was putting Kristina to bed, and I'd gone to check up on them since he was gone for a while. I found Kristina fast asleep, and Sonny was singing to Molly."_

"_S__inging?"_

_Alexis nodded. "__A lullaby. In Spanish."_

"_Did he see you?"_

"_No.__ It was a private moment that I didn't want to intrude on. Thinking about it always makes me smile."_

"_That's how we should remember him."_

_There was another __quiet moment._

"_So I think he cared, Sam."_

"_But all of that was before he knew about Jake."_

"_And he still kept you in his will. That says something."_

"_Unless he didn't have time to change it."_

"_Samantha," Alexis warned._

"_Okay, I'll take your word for it. But now I have to figure out what to do with all that money. It's not that I'm ungrateful, but I feel I should do something important with it. Do something that matters."_

"_Take it one step at a time. If you want to do something meaningful with the money, that's great—but don't do it because you feel you owe it to Sonny or anyone else. You have to do what you feel is right."_

"_What feels right for me doesn't always equal to what is right."_

"_True, but __with money it becomes easier to differentiate and choose between the two."_

"_You know from experience?"_

"_Plenty of it. But that's a story for another day. You can make the right choice, Sam, but you need to believe in yourself first. You've overcome so many obstacles in your life. You're smart and resourceful, and you're a survivor—like me." Alexis smiled. "I'm so proud of the strong woman that you've become."_

"_I don't feel very strong."_

"_In time you will." _

_Sam smiled. __"But we're talking about me again. I'm sorry for keeping you; I know you're tired."_

_Alexis slowly got out of her chair and leaned on the kitchen counter. "Don't apologize. I wanted to know how you felt, and I'm glad we talked; it brought back nice memories."_

"_Well, I'm here if you need to talk some more." _

"_First I need to figure out what my feelings are about everything that happened today. I don't think it's sunk in yet."_

_Sam nodded. __"Port Charles will not be the same. And the business is sure to change. You think the mob is responsible for the explosion?"_

"_It seems like the most logical explanation. To be honest, I have no idea. Sonny had a lot of enemies; I don't know what to think."_

"_And to think that he was actually trying to put the mob behind him."_

"_It just goes to show how __controlling that lifestyle is. So please, please, be careful. I need you to be safe; I don't think I'd be able to bear it if anything happened to you."_

_Sam got up and reached out to embrace __Alexis. "I'm here to stay." _

_A__lexis clung onto her daughter, her weight threatening to crush the smaller woman. Sam stood steady in support of her mother._

"_Remember, I'm staying the night, so if you need anything …"_

"_I love you, Sam.__"_

"_I __know," Sam whispered._

_Alexis __kissed her daughter on the forehead. "I think I'll go have that bath now."_

"_Hang in there—Mom."_

"_I'll try__," Alexis replied as she headed upstairs._

It was days like today that Alexis felt all the more grateful that she'd found her daughter again, and that they'd worked so hard to connect. Yes, their relationship was challenging and far from perfect, but they were moving in a good direction.

Alexis reached for her cell phone. It had been ringing off its nonexistent hook all day long. It seemed as if every single person in Port Charles wanted to know how she was, from Jerry and Diane to Nikolas and Jason. Even Ric had called, although his intentions were always questionable. Any other day she would have appreciated the concern, but not today. She had expertly brushed off the inquiries with _I'm fine; I need to take care of my girls; we'll talk tomorrow,_ when all she had wanted to do was flush the phone down the toilet. But Alexis couldn't do that: she was the D.A.

Now, in the late evening, alone in her bedroom, she could finally turn her cell phone off.

Alexis sighed. She was no longer a mom, a friend, an ex-wife, a lover, an ex-lover, a witness, a D.A., or an enemy. Now she could simply be a woman who had lost a man she cared about.

She slowly made her way to the bathroom. As warm water filled her bathtub, Alexis undressed, letting the filthy suit she'd worn the entire day drop to the floor. Her top, pantyhose, and underwear followed. She narrowed her eyes at the puddle of clothing beneath her as if it had somehow been to blame for the day's events. Her bare foot suddenly jerked forward, kicking the culpable attire. Her bra and skirt flew into the air before falling to the floor once again. Alexis' feet lashed out at the garments until they lay jumbled together in the dark corner of the bathroom. Their next and final stop would be the fireplace.

Turning to the sink, Alexis began brushing her teeth. The usually simple task now felt like a major undertaking, as her heavy hand repeatedly pushed the toothbrush in and out of her mouth. She proceeded to remove her make-up, observing her face in the mirror. Her tired eyes gazed back at her sadly. She looked as if she hadn't slept in days—she felt even worse. She had wanted to break down in tears so many times that day, but she knew that if she did, she wouldn't be able to stop. So she'd held her tears back. It wasn't until she slid into the tub and closed her eyes in exhaustion that the first tear of the day trickled down her cheek. Then another. And another. One after the other, they would not stop, and Alexis did not try to stop them.

She forced her brain to shut everything else out as images of her meeting with Sonny filled her mind: the way he'd greeted her even though she was late; his dimpled smile and careful movements; his hesitation; the touch of his index finger on her lips; the way his hands had so desperately gripped onto hers; his tearful eyes; and the kiss.

The kiss.

It had been unassuming and innocent at first: lips brushing over lips. Once he'd begun, she didn't want him to stop. He'd ardently responded to her passion, and they had lost themselves in the moment. Before her brain could catch up with the sensory overload, Sonny had broken the contact and had simply walked away—to the car that caused his death.

Alexis wistfully traced her lower lip with her fingertips, meticulously committing to memory each detail of their blissful exchange. She relived the kiss in slow motion over and over again, as tears caressed her sullen cheeks, and the warm water soothed her drained body.

. . .

An hour later, Alexis' increasingly wrinkled fingers reminded her that it was time to get out of the tub. Walking to her bed, she let herself drip dry. For once she didn't care that the carpet got wet; she just wanted to go to sleep and have this horrible day end.

Sitting onto the bed once again, Alexis pulled out her pajamas from under the pillow. Her fingers grazed the washed-out cotton. It was an old pajama: one that had seen her through two divorces, two pregnancies, and cancer. She sighed sadly: who knew what else it would see her through. The faded purple and yellow sheep garment was a symbol of her strength. But she wouldn't wear it tonight. After an entire day of being strong—for her girls, for her reputation, for the entire town—she was done being strong. Strength exhausted and strength was overrated—women that shed tears at the first sign of trouble always got what they wanted with no effort at all. It's as if the world had whispered to baby Natasha, "If you want to be a strong woman, then I'm going to test that strength over and over and over again." Silly Alexis couldn't turn down a dare: she had to prove her worth. As promised, the world continued to serve her one tribulation after another.

But now, alone in her room, Alexis could let go; she would wear her strength pajamas tomorrow. This night was her time to grieve. She would grieve for … whom? She didn't even know how to explain what Sonny had been to her. Father of her daughter? A friend? An ex? The one that got away? The undestined love of her life? He had been a little of everything, and even so, the label did not fit. What Sonny had been to Alexis could not be described with words. She did know that she couldn't imagine her life without his interference. Sam was right: Port Charles would certainly not be the same without the feared Sonny Corinthos.

Alexis reluctantly stood up and walked to the dresser. She would wear her white satin pajamas; it always reminded her of Sonny. She remembered wearing it during her chemotherapy treatments: Sonny had been incredibly supportive. Alexis smiled at the memory. That's when they had become friends again; for a while, anyway. Tonight, it seemed fitting to wear white satin.

She pulled the middle drawer open and stopped. For the second time that day, Alexis did not believe her eyes. Her left hand slowly reached for it, afraid to touch it for fear that it would disappear. Picking it up, she brought it to her nose and inhaled. She could hear Sonny's voice: _Just breathe._

A single gardenia flower had been placed on her satin pajamas, almost blending into the white of the night garment. A small smiled crossed Alexis' lips. It was quite a coincidence: she had bought the satin garment in white because it reminded her of gardenias.

But what did this mean?

She was positive that the gardenia had not been in her dresser that morning.

Could it mean that Sonny was … alive?


	3. Tears Dry On Their Own pt3

Thank you for the wonderful comments :) :) And thanks a bunch to MissLovelyEagle9 for patiently betaing.

This is the last part of "Tears." This time, for real :P. Hope it doesn't disappoint.

Anyway, now that all the drama and violence is out of the way, I can move onto fluff!

No SamLexis.

* * *

**Tears Dry On Their Own pt.3**

He found the stillness of the summer night surprisingly comforting. The cloudy sky obscured the natural glow of the moon and stars, and the darkness only served to intensify the silence. The headlights of his used pickup truck had been the only source of light for the past two hours.

Sonny had been driving for ten consecutive hours; his only stops had been at two gas stations. Staying on busy roads, his car easily blended in with hordes of others, as he drove carefully to avoid any potential altercations. He needed to get as far away from Port Charles as possible without anyone noticing him.

Although still on the highway, Sonny was in the middle of nowhere. Checking his mobile GPS system, he was pleased to see that he was half an hour ahead of his predicted schedule.

Sonny took off the cowboy hat he'd been wearing all evening. He'd gone from a moustache and a long-haired wig in the early afternoon to a baseball cap at rush hour to a cowboy hat at the last gas station. He would soon be exchanging the truck for a mid-size sedan, but the pickup had fit well with his cowboy guise. Now, in the solitude of the empty road, it would be okay to just be Sonny again. He let his mind wander freely for the first time in ten hours.

Today, he had officially died in Port Charles. He'd been blown up by a bomb in his own car. That's what the radio news had said. No one knew that he was actually on a highway heading south.

Sonny had wanted to end his association with the mob, but it was harder than he had expected. When he saw Jason making decisions he didn't agree with and the consequences that followed, the temptation became too strong. He had controlled that world for over a decade, and bad habits die hard. He needed a clean break from the mob. If not for himself, then for his children.

The pain of losing Michael was ever-present. Alexis had been right; for those he loved Sonny was better off dead than alive. He silently cursed himself for not having made himself dead earlier; it could have meant the difference for his son. Michael—his was the first diaper Sonny had changed; Michael, who had kept him up countless nights as a baby; Michael, who had been the first person to call him _daddy_; Michael, whose red hair sometimes reminded him that he wasn't his biological child, yet he bore his name; Michael, who now lay in a vegetative state with little hope of ever waking up. All of that—and more—was his son Michael.

That morning, Sonny had gone to the hospital to say goodbye. For once, danger had not been an issue: there wasn't anything that he could do to Michael that he hadn't already done.

Then he'd gone to see Morgan. Carly had let him say goodbye to his youngest when he'd given up his legal rights to his sons, so he'd watched Morgan from afar—there was no point in confusing the little boy. Seeing his son playing happily in Jax's spacious back yard, Sonny felt reassured, knowing that his sons would be safe until his return. Jax may be a sucker for love, but he protected those he loved.

And then there was his little girl. It was for her that he couldn't give her up with indifference: considering Alexis' choices, his name on his daughter's birth certificate was the closest that she might ever have to a permanent father figure. Sonny promised himself that he would be back to watch his daughter grow into a beautiful teenager, teach her to drive, threaten her dates with bodily harm, see her off to her prom, and cheer her on at her graduation, but right now, his first imperative as a parent was to protect her. If he'd been too late to save Michael, the least he could do was provide safety for his remaining children. Sonny considered the word _remaining_. What a terrible word to use in describing one's children. But he'd made his own bed—he should have known better.

He hadn't made the decision to stage his own death lightly. He'd played dead before, but this time it might be for a much longer period of time. Carefully weighing the pros and cons, Sonny had made the hard choice. Then he'd slept on it—for a week. He had expected to change his mind, but with each passing day his decision had made more and more sense—it was the only way out.

Months of meticulous planning had followed. Not only did he have to plan his death flawlessly, but he had to handle every minute detail by himself if he was to keep anyone from suspecting that he wasn't really dead.

The most challenging, dangerous, and time-consuming aspect of the plan was the explosion. There was no room for error, and every contingency had to be predicted and neutralized. The streets of Port Charles were scrutinized daily for a potential location, and each night plans of the sewer system were studied for possible escape routes. Sonny learned more than he ever wanted to know about explosive devices, from their various sizes and materials to reaction times and force of impact. Extra care was taken in obtaining the explosives. Not only did he need to find a variety of untraceable underground sources, but none of these sources could, in any way, be linked to any of the five families, the Zaccharas, Karpov, or his own organization. There was no point in being dead if his death resulted in an all-out mob war, especially after everything he'd done to negotiate a peace agreement for Port Charles.

Even with his death, Sonny knew Port Charles would not be a safe place for his children, so he had convinced Jason to make an agreement with the five families. The families would not only neutralize and banish the Zaccharas and Karpov, but they would protect Port Charles from any other similar invasions. In return, Jason agreed to consolidate the business and to share a fraction of his profits—it was a small price to pay for the safety of their children. Although he'd said nothing, Sonny knew that Jason secretly hoped this would give him a chance to be happy with Elizabeth and Jake. It was after the deal was struck that Sonny told Jason about his plan. Although shocked, Jason was supportive and understanding. Sonny was grateful to have his faith in their friendship reaffirmed—it was one of the rare things he still believed in.

As the date of Sonny's "death" approached, Zacchara's threats had become more frequent. Sonny put his plans on hold for a while to make sure things would progress according to the agreement. As expected, the five families were coming through: Karpov was quickly run out of town, and the Zacchara empire was beginning to crumble. Johnny would continue his undercover private detail on Alexis and the girls, which he'd kept ever since his "disappearance"—how he had managed to keep such a low profile for years without being discovered was a talent Sonny valued and paid extremely well for. Jason was to keep a watchful eye over Jerry Jacks and his activities. Jerry wasn't a bad guy as such, but he could bring danger to the streets of Port Charles by his mere presence. Sources also indicated that he was an efficient mercenary, and mercenaries could never be trusted. Honor and loyalty among thieves was something the Zaccharas and the Jerrys of the world would never understand.

With Port Charles all set, Sonny continued planning his "death." The power of attorney was drawn up. A reliable witness for the explosion was chosen. Physical proof of his death was prepared—medical records were swapped, and an unidentified corpse was obtained. Used car dealerships were perused; highway maps were considered; GPS systems were tested; necessary stops were calculated; low-key motels were booked; and disguises were created. Sonny knew he was overpreparing, but he didn't want anything to compromise his plan.

As he had anticipated, the plan consumed much of his time, and its secretive nature created a natural rift between Kate and him, which made it all the easier to break up with her when the time came. Sonny wondered how he had been in his right mind to propose to her. To have a wedding. To be happy. How could he even think about being happy when his son was in a coma because of him—and her. Kate was a constant reminder that he'd picked her over his own son. When they were young, his love had not been enough for her. This time, her love wasn't enough for him. Yes, a part of him cared and would always care for his Connie, but this was a journey he had to take alone.

At last the preparations were complete and so arrived the hardest moment of all: facing the fact that he would soon be dead to every person in Port Charles besides Jason and Johnny. A wave of sadness had washed over him at the realization. He would be dead to his family and friends, his life reduced to a tombstone at the local cemetery. But someone else needed to know that he wasn't dead. Someone else needed to think of him as more than the mob boss that got what was coming to him. For his life to have been meaningful, someone needed to remember him with affection. Who did he trust enough to keep his secret with a vested interest? There was only one person. Ironically, it would be the one person to witness him die. And he knew the perfect way to tell her.

Rolling down the windows of his pickup truck, Sonny let the warm summer air relieve the tension in his face. The sweet smell of the humid night tickled his nostrils. He thought of his will and smiled as his imagination conjured up a mental picture of all his beneficiaries in a single room—a group of Port Charles' finest. _That_ he would like to have been able to see.

The latest version of his will had been drafted back in 2006. Although he'd reviewed it regularly, he hadn't had much reason to modify it, and changing it only months prior to his supposed death was too risky. Besides, everyone important was already in it. Michael, Kristina, and Morgan were well-provided for through regular alimony payments. Their trust funds, to be accessed at the age of 18, also included handwritten letters, which he'd written last month. As the mothers of his children, Carly and Alexis were also named beneficiaries; they might never need the money, but it was a thank-you for having borne his children—he had not been an easy man to deal with. As they'd agreed, Jason got the coffee business. Max was handsomely rewarded for being a trustworthy employee and a good friend—Sonny knew what a rarity that was. And then there was Sam.

When circumstances forced him to consider Sam, Sonny wasn't sure he liked her. He found it easier to pretend he'd never been with her than to daily face the fact that he'd slept with and impregnated both mother and daughter. Sonny sometimes wondered if Lila's death had not been punishment for his abhorrent behavior; that their baby was too wrong to be allowed to live. Had Lila lived, she and Kristina would have grown up as sisters, while also being aunt and niece. Hence, it was easier to not think about Sam.

Yet, in spite of everything, Sonny couldn't help but identify with Sam: they both tried to be good people, and yet they both continuously managed to screw things up. He understood her abandonment issues, her self-destructive behavior, and her need for external validation. Even though he found her involvement in Jake's kidnapping despicable, a part of him understood her need to cling onto the only thing she thought she had in her life. Sam went from one rough patch to the next with alarming regularity. He hoped that the money he'd left her would allow her to do what she really wanted with her life—once she figured out what that was. Perhaps if someone had done the same for him twenty years ago, his life might have turned out quite differently, and he wouldn't be faking his own death to protect his children. It was time somebody put a permanent bet on the underdog.

Sonny also knew that, by helping Sam, he would relieve Alexis of some of her worry for her eldest daughter. Like mother like daughter, Alexis and Sam were fearlessly stubborn. This was a way to help them both without the possibility of being turned down. It was a win-win all around.

Sonny thought about Alexis. He hoped her association with Jerry, romantic and otherwise, wouldn't last long. Sonny wanted Alexis to be happy, but Jerry was by far the most dangerous of all of her men. For such a smart woman, Alexis' choice of men was appalling, and it only went from bad to worse. Perhaps that was the one area in which Carly would always outperform Alexis: Carly knew how to pick men who would protect her even if they despised her; Alexis had a tendency to find men who would hurt her even when they loved her.

His mind lingered on the image of Alexis. She must have found the gardenia by now. He drew comfort in the knowledge that she knew, that she understood. He thought back to their meeting earlier. He'd only meant to present her with the papers for Kristina, but their exchange had been so much more than he could have hoped for. She'd looked at him with warmth—like she used to look at him a long time ago. He'd gotten emotional, and she was, as always, supportive. And there had been the kiss.

He felt himself smile. She had felt as soft as in his memories and dreams. Her inviting mouth had drawn his lips to hers as if by a magnetic force. To his surprise she had reciprocated his advances, and they had both gotten lost in the fiery magic of their passionate exchange. Sonny remembered her body pressed against his; her hands groping; her mouth wanting more. It was more than a physical connection—it felt like the good old days. Images of Alexis with a flower in her hair filled his mind, as they danced and laughed the night away.

. . .

A beep from his GPS system brought him out of his reverie. He glanced at the screen—just a weather report.

His eyes rested on the unpretentious backpack on the passenger's seat that held his most prized possessions. Although he was careful to make his house appear as if he hadn't been planning to leave, he'd taken copies of his favorite photos and a few other items of sentimental value: some things were too precious to leave behind. They were the only physical proof of his life in Port Charles.

Port Charles: it was the place that had seen him go from an insignificant strip-club owner to the almighty mob boss. The place where the people he cared about resided. The place that now considered him dead. The place he needed to leave to become normal again.

Normal. All his life, Sonny had wanted to be normal. He'd wanted a normal father who wouldn't beat his mother, and he wanted his family to have enough money to live comfortably. Was that really too much to ask for?

Apparently, it was. Yes, he was a father who didn't beat his wife or his children, and he provided enough money for his family to be materially well off. But instead of living comfortably, his family and those around him lived in fear of the violence that provided them with their material well-being. Sonny thought he could handle it. And he had, until the price became too high.

He needed time and distance to get his life in order; he needed to find himself again before he could ask for his sons back, before he could hope to share his life with someone again. But no matter what it took, he would get his children back. If there was anything he had left to live for, it was to be a father to his children once again. It was for his kids that he was leaving. And it was for his kids that he would return.

An involuntary yawn crept up on Sonny. He was feeling the exhaustion, but there were still two hundred miles of road to cover. Switching on the radio, a country beat broke the lulling hum of the car engine. Sonny eyed the cowboy hat he'd taken off previously. He was about to start a whole new life, for a while at least; the official death of Sonny Corinthos had given birth to Mike Davis. Sonny thought about his new name—it was generic enough to pass unnoticed, yet meaningful enough for him to carry it without resentment. He sighed. How many people would grab the opportunity at a fresh start? To wipe the slate clean? Anyone with his past would jump at the chance. But those people would not be leaving three children behind and perhaps the only woman that would ever truly understand him.

* * *

Sonny was alive? Did she dare believe it?

Alexis' heart skipped a beat.

Of course he was alive. What other explanation could there be for the gardenia? And it just so happened that precisely today he had presented her with the power of attorney. It couldn't all be a coincidence, could it? But why would Sonny go to all the trouble to do the paperwork if he was going to legally die anyway? Was it a message? That he would always be Kristina's father? That he was prepared to come back from the dead if his paternity were ever in question? What did all that mean?

Alexis' rambling questions suddenly formed into a single coherent thought: Sonny didn't want anyone else to adopt Kristina.

How could she not see this before? That's why he had fought her so hard to retain parental rights. It seemed so logical now. He should have just told her. Alexis knew that she would never let someone else be Kristina's father. Not only because of her notorious track record with men, but because Sonny was Kristina's father whether he was in the picture or not. She would never change that. Not anymore. Yet Sonny couldn't know that given that she'd kept Kristina's paternity from him for years, and then she'd let Kristina call Ric "Daddy Ric," to name only two of her transgressions.

Alexis sighed. She wanted to ensure Kristina's physical safety from Sonny's life of violence, and Sonny wanted to ensure Kristina's emotional well-being by knowing that her real father loved her. They'd both taken their best intentions a little too far. It was in the most unusual instances that Alexis was reminded that she and Sonny were more alike than different. Some of her conversations with him were among her most precious ones. She remembered the time when talking to him had been the easiest thing in the world; when they'd lived just across the hall from each other. But when it came to their emotions about each other, verbal communication faltered. It was the nonverbal signs in between the cryptic dialogue and flirtatious word dances that revealed their true feelings. Alexis sighed again. Had she and Sonny talked—really talked—after the night Kristina was conceived, her life might be very different right now. And Sonny's. And Kristina's. But there was no use crying over spilt milk.

Taking the satin pajamas, she walked to the bed and sat down, bringing the flower to her nose once again. The scent brought her back to that Valentine's Day; it had been such a kind, innocent, and yet implicit gesture. It had shown her all the things that Sonny Corinthos could be.

Was Sonny really alive? After all, the coroner had matched his dental records.

But there was the message through the power of attorney. He'd also quoted "Gone With the Wind," of all things. Then, he'd gone to see Kristina at school. He'd also chosen Alexis to be the perfect witness. Yes, he'd wanted her there to say goodbye and explain the paperwork, but he knew that, as the town's district attorney, her testimony would be irrefutable. And Alexis found herself not minding. Her own purposefulness in the situation felt strangely appropriate; their relationship had always been multifaceted.

And then there was the kiss. That definitely meant that he knew the car would blow up. Suicide was absolutely out of the question; the only other explanation that made any sense was a fake death.

Alexis smiled to herself. Sonny was so much a smarter man than anyone gave him credit for.

When would she see him again?

She couldn't be sure.

Even if she did see him, would she recognize him?

Maybe he would grow a beard. Alexis wrinkled her nose at the thought of Sonny looking like a caveman. But what if he got a moustache with a goatie? She wondered if it would work for him. It would definitely give him a different look.

What if he got plastic surgery?

The thought of Sonny without his dimples disconcerted Alexis.

No, he would never get plastic surgery. He would never let his children not be able to recognize him. That rationale made her feel better; Sonny's tell-tale dimples would remain.

Plastic surgery made Alexis think of Jerry. She had no idea what was going on between the two of them, but she didn't want to think about that now. She'd think about Jerry tomorrow. Tonight was Sonny's.

She wasn't sure when she would see Sonny again, but she knew she would hear from him. Whether through a string of paper dolls, a Puerto Rico postcard, or a tin of biscotti, she was certain she would hear from him.

Gently placing the flower on her nightstand, Alexis changed into her satin pajamas and got into bed. The scent of the flower filled the air, as Alexis remembered Sonny's kiss earlier that day. At first it had been tender, and she hadn't resisted. Then it became passionate, with a sense of urgency. He'd caught her off guard, and her body instinctually reciprocated his advances. She had relished in the taste of his mouth, and when his tongue finally slipped through her lips, she willingly lost herself in their own little world, where he was just a boy and she was just a girl.

With thoughts of kissing Sonny, Alexis let herself drift off into a peaceful sleep filled with dreams of dimples, gardenias, satin sheets, and spilt milk.


	4. Can't Fight the Moonlight

Time for another Sexis kiss!!

Now that all the drama is out of the way, let's have some fluff.

Karry Status: Jerry was arrested by the FBI and whisked off to parts unknown; Kate's left Sonny for a more powerful "coffee importer" :p Neither Alexis nor Sonny seem to be too distraught over the events; they are currently both single.

SamLexis: None

**

* * *

****  
Can't Fight the Moonlight**

"Excuse me, could you tell me where the personal hygiene section is?" Alexis asked a passing saleswoman. "It used to be here."

"We've since moved it to the second aisle down," was the answer she received.

"Thank you." She smiled courteously, proceeding down the aisle at a leisurely pace.

It was 3 a.m., and Alexis was grocery shopping. Dressed in sneakers and an old tracksuit, with her hair hanging loosely down her back, Alexis felt relaxed. She enjoyed the privacy and quiet of the supermarket at this hour; she was just an anonymous single mom buying groceries—she could send her brain to green pastures.

After picking out a few items, Alexis made her way to the instant food section. She was glad to see its location hadn't changed.

Alexis' eyes took in the variety of 5-minute microwave foods that she lived on. It was at moments these that she really really loved America.

Suddenly, she felt something brush against her back and heard a familiar voice say, "I'm sorry."

"Sonny?" she said, turning around.

He was standing in front of the pasta aisle with his shopping cart, which seemed to be the most likely culprit of what had brushed against her back.

"Uh, hi, Alexis." He seemed as surprised as she was.

Her mind wasn't quite sure how to respond, but her eyes were drawn to Sonny's unusual outfit. He was wearing a casual short-sleeved shirt, dark blue jeans, and brown loafers.

"You in jeans?" She arched an eyebrow. "Must be a special occasion."

"I'm trying to keep a low profile."

"By wearing jeans?"

"I can hardly be unnoticeable if I'm waltzing around in a Batman cape, looking like the Grim Reaper."

"Waltzing around? Grim Reaper? Didn't know you saw yourself that way."

"I do own a mirror, you know. And I hear things." Sonny smiled. "But look at you. Haven't seen you in a tracksuit in a long time." His eyes squinted slightly. "Is it supposed to be pink?"

"It used to be red; now it's just old," Alexis replied with a shrug.

"At least with old you know what to expect."

"But there's no excitement in trying it on and wearing it for the first time."

"But there's no disappointment if it doesn't fit. Old can be comforting."

"And comfortable," Alexis conceded. She enjoyed the freedom of movement her sports attire allowed her, without having to worry about some little kid looking up her skirt.

"And if you're creative, there are a number of ways you can spice up old with a few elements of new."

"Why do I feel like we're not talking about my clothes anymore?"

Sonny chuckled before changing the subject. "So anyway, interesting to find you here at this hour."

"There just aren't enough hours in the day."

"It's very peaceful here at night."

"No screaming kids or frustrated parents."

"No lines at the register."

"But sometimes I feel guilty because these people have to work the graveyard shift for a crappy wage." Whispering, she added, "So I tip."

"You truly are one of a kind, Alexis Davis."

Alexis felt color rush to her cheeks. "Stop it, Sonny." She looked at her feet.

Alexis was always newly exasperated with her inability to receive or even deflect compliments, especially from him. She wished there had been a class at Yale instructing her how to effectively manage the charm of one Sonny Corinthos.

Sonny nonchalantly continued the conversation as if oblivious to her discomfort. "You know what I do? I always buy food in bulk and then accidentally leave one of the grocery bags behind. I'm sure the first few times they were expecting me to come back for it, but now I just get knowing smiles, especially from the lady at the cheese counter. It's kind of nice."

"And what you do is kind of cute."

Did she just say cute? She hadn't been in his presence for longer than five minutes, and he was already getting to her. She sighed mentally; she couldn't afford to have her brain at green pastures after all.

He interrupted her thoughts. "All the lengths we go to, just because we can't go to the supermarket at a decent hour like normal people."

"We never were normal people, Sonny."

"Touché." Sonny smiled.

"Anyway, what brings you to a supermarket at this hour? Don't you have minions doing all your menial labor?"

"Like I said, I'm trying to stay on the down low, and since I love to do my own shopping, here I am."

"Now that's something every woman in America wants a man to say. The shopping part, I mean."

Sonny chuckled. "Even you?"

"I'm a woman, and I live in America," was her coy reply.

"Such a legal eagle; what a surprise."

"As surprising as it is to find you in the pasta section."

"And you in the instant food section! How you manage to stay alive with your nutritional standards is beyond me."

"And how you manage to live with your moral standards is beyond me."

"Ouch." Sonny averted his eyes, focusing intently on the shelf behind her.

Alexis' gaze dropped to her feet for the second time in ten minutes. Had she crossed the line? After all, he seemed to be trying hard to stay out of the mob and turn his life around. Unlike the father of her other daughter. Shouldn't she at least try to be supportive and not take cheap shots at him?

"It looks like they're out of your favorite brand of popcorn," Sonny said cheerfully, pointing to an empty space on the shelf behind her.

Alexis smiled. "No, that was me. I got someone to take the whole box to the checkout counter. You can never have too much popcorn."

"Well, _you_ certainly can't," Sonny said with a wink.

Alexis was relieved. They were back to normal—whatever normal was.

"Yeah, well, you know me," she said. He knew her far too well.

"So what else have you got in there? Any source of protein, vitamins, fiber?" Sonny asked with friendly sarcasm as he curiously peeked into Alexis' cart.

Much to his misfortune, her shopping cart was empty except for three supersize boxes of sanitary pads and two supersize boxes of tampons.

Sonny went bright red.

Alexis laughed.

Trying to diffuse his embarrassment, Sonny reverted back to humor. "Buying in bulk is good for the economy."

Alexis gave him a warm smile. This was fun. And nice. And comfortable. Surprisingly so. Perhaps it was the neutral rendezvous point. Not that this was a rendezvous.

"And what about you?" she asked as she peeked into Sonny's cart.

Her eyes identified fruit, vegetables, yoghurt, cheese, three different types of pasta, and—a supersize strip of condoms.

"I see you buy in bulk too."

With a confused expression, Sonny followed her gaze to the strip of condoms.

"Oh, that. That's just wishful thinking."

Alexis was stunned by his candor. Was former mob boss Sonny Corinthos admitting that he wasn't getting any?

"As I recall, you never had any problems finding women."

"I don't, but I don't want just any woman."

"Oh." Luckily, her brain quickly recovered. "Why do you need three different types of pasta?"

"The curly is for tomorrow's special tomato sauce. The kids like the bowtie kind, and macaroni is classic."

"Who are you having over tomorrow?"

"No one," Sonny said quietly.

Alexis realized she'd just put her foot in her mouth. "I think it's nice that you make an effort to make meals matter even if it's only for yourself. I can't do that for my family, let alone myself. If it weren't for instant food and takeout, I'd probably starve."

"Speaking of, maybe you should step away from the microwave stuff, and we can try to fill that cart of yours with some pediatrician-approved foods."

"You think you're so funny, don't you?"

Sonny grinned and nodded.

"I just need a sec," she told him, turning to her favorite section again. Her quick hands tossed a potpourri of Top Ramen noodles, Campbell's soups, Chicken of the Sea tuna, Quaker oatmeal, and Pop-Tarts into her cart as she expertly maneuvered it down the aisle.

"Done!" she said proudly.

"Looks like you know your aisle."

"You should see me at the frozen foods section."

Before they turned the corner, Sonny dropped two boxes of pasta into her cart. She looked to him for an explanation, but all she got was a smile in return. Alexis shrugged; someone else in her house would have to figure out what to do with it.

They strolled through the supermarket, aisle by aisle, never picking the same product. Sonny continued to drop items into her cart at random intervals. There was no point in arguing with him; he was just trying to be helpful, and nutrition was certainly his area of expertise—along with organized crime, coffee imports, and designer shoes. At least he was versatile.

"I thought Viola did your shopping," Sonny commented.

"Usually, but she's visiting her parents this week. To tell you the truth, I don't feel comfortable asking her to run errands and do household chores—I hired her as a nanny. When she comes back I'll surprise her by having the fridge and food shelves stocked full."

"Careful she doesn't have a heart attack."

Alexis glared at him. "Very funny. She'll probably think Sam did it. I feel like such an idiosyncrasy sometimes; mothers are supposed to be homey and domestic, not _honey, wait three minutes for the microwave to do its magic, and then you can eat_."

"Sure, your domestic skills could use some honing, but don't cut yourself short; you're a great role model for the girls of how smart and independent a woman can be."

"Thank you," she said quietly.

Had she just managed to accept a compliment?

Sonny smiled, his tell-tale dimples showing.

Why did he have to be so damn charming? Not to mention attractive.

Their carts threatening to spill over with food, Sonny and Alexis were carefully observing the snacks aisle. She noticed him pick out a large bag of brownish nuts she didn't recognize.

"What's that?"

"Almonds."

"Still in their shells?"

"Yeah."

"You crack them yourself?"

He smiled. "Effective anger management."

She wasn't sure if he was joking or not. Probably not.

"That reminds me," Alexis said, as she reached for a packet of sliced blanched almonds that she and Kristina both liked.

Sonny raised his eyebrows. "Opposites attract."

"Isn't that a little _been there, done that_?"

Sonny just smiled and rubbed his chin in response.

"Well, I think I'm done," Alexis said, eying her cart. "I'm not sure all this food will fit into my kitchen. I don't think I've ever had so much food in my house at the same time."

Sonny laughed.

Alexis gave him a reproachful look.

"Let's go then," Sonny said, guiding his cart to the register.

Alexis followed, proceeding to checkout and tipping generously. She smiled, noticing Sonny leave two paper bags at the other register.

Exiting the store with their carts of bagged groceries, Alexis' eyes blinked quickly, needing time to adjust to the darkness after the bright glares of the supermarket lighting.

She turned to Sonny. "Well, I better go. Thanks for helping me with shopping."

"I'll walk you to your car," he offered.

"That's okay, Sonny, you have a lot of stuff to carry too."

"I just want to make sure you get to your car safely. It's dark, and psychos love parking lots at night. Don't you watch the news?"

"I'm buying groceries at 3 a.m. Do I look like I have time to watch the news?

"Fair enough, but I'm still going with you."

Alexis shrugged.

They strolled to Alexis' silver Lexus and loaded it with her newly bought groceries.

"Thanks, Sonny."

"Anytime."

"But what about you?" she asked in a girly voice. "Are you going to be okay walking to your car?" she continued, giving him the most naïve look she could manage.

"Uh, yeah."

"But what about all the psychos?" Alexis continued teasing.

"I'm a big boy. Besides, look at these." He pointed to his flexed biceps.

Alexis rolled her eyes. "Not that I'm not in absolute awe of your masculine strength," she said, "but can it stop a bullet?"

Sonny tilted his head in acknowledgement.

"I didn't think so. I would feel better if you let me walk you and your cart to your car. I need to return mine, anyway."

"I guess, in the spirit of gender equality, I can let you walk me to my car."

Turning back, Sonny and Alexis walked side by side, returning Alexis' cart, as they talked about Kristina's grades and extracurricular activities.

Reaching Sonny's black SUV, he unloaded the shopping cart and returned it to the designated cart spot next to his car.

"It looks like my work here is done," Alexis said.

"I'm not going to let you walk back to your car alone."

"But my car is just behind that car!" She pointed. "And if you walk me, then we're right back where we started."

"You can drop me off at my car."

"I can't believe this," Alexis said, as her frustration began to surface.

"And I can't believe you don't watch the news."

"Fine, let's go." Alexis headed to her car, and he quickly followed.

Approaching her Lexus, she noticed something move behind a red Saab. Sonny's arm stopped her, as his body quickly stepped in front of hers.

A few moments later, a running figure was briefly revealed under the moonlight before being entirely swallowed by darkness.

"I know what you're thinking, so you don't even have to say it," Alexis said, unlocking the car. "You were right. Get in."

Sonny walked to the other side and got into the passenger's seat.

The darkness of the night had seeped into the car, but the moon's glow cast enough light for Alexis to see Sonny. He was staring directly through the windshield in front of him, his jaw clenched and his eyes alert.

"What's wrong, Sonny?" she asked.

When he didn't reply, she tried again, "Sonny, talk to me."

He still didn't answer.

Her fingertip reached to his chin, gently turning his head to face her.

He blinked, but his facial expression remained unchanged. "I'm just so angry with you right now, Alexis, I could just …" his growling voice trailed. He took a deep breath. Then, in a deceivingly calm voice, he said, "You should know better than to walk around dark parking lots in the dead of night."

Alexis could tell from the fisted hands on his thighs that he was fighting the urge to hit something.

"I can take care of myself, Sonny," Alexis replied matter-of-factly.

"No one can take care of themselves in the middle of the night at a dark parking lot. Who knows what that psycho was thinking? He could have robbed you, attacked you, killed you—or worse." Sonny swallowed. "And what could you have done? You don't carry weapons."

"I have pepper spray," she said softly.

That got a weak smile out of Sonny.

"You know what I mean, Alexis. And don't make this into a joke. You are the D.A.; you of all people should know the number of ways a person can get hurt in this town. You can't blame me for being worried."

"I appreciate your concern, and you are right. I'm glad you were here with me tonight."

He looked into her eyes as if to figure out if she was being sincere or just trying to placate him. To answer his doubts, she reassuringly placed her hand on his fist.

When he didn't respond, she caressed his knuckles in gentle circular motions.

She felt Sonny's fist soften and then open, his palm resting flat on his thigh.

She continued to caress the back of his hand; there was something comforting in the knowledge that she still had the power to soothe his anger.

Her eyes watched her own hand finally rest on top of his. Her fingers found themselves curling through his as her fingertips connected with the rough skin of his palm. He responded by embracing her fingers with his own.

"Promise you'll be more careful next time?" he whispered, squeezing her hand.

Her eyes locked with his once again. "I promise."

The darkness in his eyes slowly dissipated, and Sonny smiled.

With the tension gone, Alexis suddenly became aware of the intimate connection of their hands, which caused tingles to run through her body, as the sight of his dimples woke the butterflies in her stomach. His mere presence threatened every aspect of her self-control.

Could she do it? Should she do it? Would she do it?

Suddenly her lips were on his, kissing him feverishly. He lost no time, making her moan as he slipped his tongue into her mouth. Releasing her hand, he ran his fingers through her unmade hair, as her fingers moved sensually up and down his back. He couldn't help but echo her moan. As their tongues battled, their hands roamed down each other's bodies in a desperate attempt to connect.

The passionate kiss was cut short by their need for oxygen.

Gasping for air, Alexis rasped, "Are you thinking the same thing that I am?"

"And that would be?"

"Making your wishful thinking into a reality."

He answered by pulling her to him, his mouth assaulting her neck. Sounds of pleasure escaped her throat, as he left moist marks along her delicate skin, leading all the way to her mouth. When his lips found hers again, her tongue slipped through, as she squeezed his inner thigh. He gasped loudly, grabbing her wrist and placing her hand on his chest. Her fingers focused on the buttons of his shirt, as he unzipped her tracksuit. Only a cotton t-shirt separated his skin from hers. He cupped her breasts, grazing them with his thumbs. She whimpered in response, which only served to fuel his desire to touch her everywhere. He increased the pressure of his caresses, as her fingers finally touched the smooth plane of his bare chest.

"So much for _been there done that_."

"No one ever said you can't go there and do it again."

He groaned as her mouth found its way to his earlobe.

"The condoms are in the passenger's storage compartment," she rasped, reaching for his belt buckle.

"You want to do it in the car?"

"Is my car too uncomfortable for you, Mr. Satin Sheets?"

"I would have sex with you against a barb wire."

"Same time, tomorrow?"

"I'll bring the condoms."

"I'll bring the wire."


	5. I Still Believe

Thanks for the comments, IlovetowriteSMP.

This one is for Ms. Isis ;) Hope y'all enjoy! And leave a review :)

Karry Status: Jerry was sent on a job to Siberia where all trace of him was lost. Kate realized that she'd actually killed Connie—her separated-at-birth twin sister—and assumed her identity; Kate is now in a psychiatric facility. (God, I hate Kate!)

SamLexis: A little bit

* * *

**I ****Still Believe**

Locking her silver Lexus, more out of habit than necessity, Alexis made her way to the front door of the Greystone. Taking a deep breath, she rang the doorbell. There was no response. She pressed the decorative little button again and waited. Still no response. Tapping her nails on the door frame, she wondered if she should use the spare key Sonny had given her—"just in case," he'd said.

Reaching into the coat pocket for her keychain, her hand stopped before a jumble of cold metal registered on her fingertips: perhaps Sonny was busy. The last thing Alexis wanted was to find him busy the way she'd found Max and Diane busy the last time she'd used the spare key. She shook her head slightly, willing away the mental image.

She would try once again and then leave, she decided. As her hand reached up to the doorbell for the third time, the front door swung open.

"Oh, uh, hi, Ms. Davis," a breathless Max said, obviously surprised to see her. "Sorry to keep you waiting. Uh, come in." He moved to the side, giving her space so that she could pass.

Alexis smiled: Max was cute when he was apologetic. "Thank you," she said, as she walked inside. He closed the door behind her without a sound, and then he politely took her jacket. She had to turn her head to hide the grin on her face: perhaps Diane did find herself a good catch after all.

Max led Alexis to the living room.

"Is Sonny home?"

"He's working on something upstairs. I'll let him know you're here."

"Oh, I don't mean to disturb him, if he's busy," Alexis said, unsure of whether she should stay.

"Honestly?"

Alexis' curiosity made her nod, as she prepared to hear information she would rather not know.

"In all these years, he's never been too busy to see you." Max excused himself before she could think of an appropriate response.

Left alone, Alexis observed the familiar surroundings. She'd always liked the reddish-brownshade of the interior design; it gave the house an aura of home, of family. The penthouse had certainly had charm, but it had never felt homey. The absence of metal surfaces and the substantially smaller liquor counter only added to the domestic atmosphere of the place. Her favorite feature of the house was the mahogany; it could be traced through the entire residence, from doors and tables to bedposts and staircases. There was something special about the royal wood—it always managed to evoke a sense of safety in her, even in this house.

Although no doubt arranged by a decorator, Alexis could clearly see Carly's hand in the well-balanced design. The conspicuous lampshades dispersed through the rooms commanded attention and added a touch of fireworks, preventing the otherwise unassuming decor to fade into the background. No, Carly What's-Her-Last-Name-This-Month was not a woman easily kicked out or erased from one's life: wherever she went, she always left a blazing trail behind her. Alexis only hoped that Jax would not be permanently scarred by her fire.

As her eyes scanned the harmoniously decorated living room, a frame on the photo shelf caught Alexis' eye. She walked over and took it from the shelf. The photo was one taken about a year and a half ago, towards the end of the chemotherapy. It had been a Sunday, and she had asked Sonny to bring Michael and Morgan over, so Kristina could play with her brothers, yet still be with her mom and sisters. The photo Alexis was looking at now was only one of hundreds that Sam had taken during that loud, happy afternoon. Initially, she had only been taking candid shots of the kids playing. Then Sonny had offered to take a few photos of the Davis girls so that Sam could be in them. Grateful, Sam returned the favor by getting some of Sonny and Kristina alone. She, then, proceeded to take some of the boys with Sonny; that had taken a while because Morgan was being cranky and Kristina got impatient.

Alexis vividly remembered Kristina's reaction.

"_Daddy, D__addy, I want to be in the photo too. It's not fair that I'm not in the photo just 'cause I'm a girl. I'm a Corinthos too, right, Mama?" Kristina questioned her mother wide-eyed._

_Alexis smiled. __"Yes, you most definitely are a Corinthos, my persistent daughter." _

"_Come here, sport.__" Sonny motioned to Kristina, who instantly ran to her father._

_Sam snapped away at Sonny and his three children. _

"_Now let's get everybody on the same photo," Sam suggested._

"_I really think that's enough photos for one day," Alexis said._

"_As soon as I get this last group photo," Sam replied in a tone that left no room for discussion._

"_Sometimes I think you're more of a slavedriver than chemo!"_

"_Guess it runs in the family," Sam said with a wink. "Get into place, everybody."_

_Kristina readily positioned herself in the middle of the couch with a huge smile on her face, as Alexis sat to her right with Molly on her lap, and Sonny to her left with Morgan on his lap. Michael sat cross-legged on the floor in front of Sonny and Kristina. _

"_Okay, I'll count to three. __One. Two. Three." The flash went off. _

"_Are we done now__?" a blinking Alexis asked Sam, who was busy looking at the display screen of her camera._

"_No, we're not done yet. This photo was great; you all look picture perfect, but you also look like an uptight Republican family."_

Sonny laughed.

"_That's not funny," Alexis warned._

_Sonny tilted his head. __"Then why don't we try to look a little more democratic?"_

"_Why don't we all hug?" Kristina suggested._

"_You're a genius!" Sam said._

_Kristina beamed. "I am?"_

_"Of course you are! You're a genius, just like your mom," Sonny said, briefly establishing eye contact with Alexis._

"_And you get your interest for the kitchen from your daddy." _

"_Yeah, D__addy is the best cook ever!" _

"_Less talking and more smiling and hugging," Sam instructed. _

_"Photo Nazi," Alexis murmured under her breath. _

_In a matter of seconds, with their arms around each other, the group was transformed into an affectionate suburban family. _

"_One.__ Two. Three." The camera flashed again. "Perfect! _Now_ it's over."_

The last photo, of the six of them hugging, was the one that had made its way to the purple frame that Alexis held in her hands. She smiled, as she remembered the day Kristina had come home from school so excited that she could hardly speak. She had pulled this very same frame out of her school backpack, excitedly explaining that they had made picture frames in art class, and she had made this one for her daddy.

With her fingertips, Alexis traced the light green capital letters glued at the top of the frame.

Her index finger traced the first letter. _M_. Then _Y_. The tip of her finger lingered for a moment in between the two words spelled out on the frame.

Then an _F _and an _A. _The _M _was followed by an _I _and an _L_, and, at the end, a _Y. _Alexis' fingers traced each letter separately, leisurely, as if treasuring each component of the word that had become her reason to live—her family.

The clearing of a throat brought Alexis out of her little reverie.

She turned to face him. "Uh, hi, Sonny."

"A penny for your thoughts." There was warmth in his voice.

"Just a penny?"

Sonny smiled, his tell-tale dimples appearing instantly. "Always driving a hard bargain, counselor."

"You know me." Alexis smiled. "I was just remembering the day that Kristina brought this frame from school. She was so excited."

"And she was still excited when she gave it to me. She couldn't stop talking about the photo that I had to put in the frame. She had to be in the photo, of course, and it had to be a photo of herself that she liked, mind you."

"That sounds like Kristina," Alexis said, oddly pleased that Sonny had gotten to know his daughter so well.

"And her brothers had to be in the photo as well, since it had _My Family_ written on it."

"And you ended up choosing this one?" Alexis asked.

"It's a great photo, and it's a nice memory."

"I thought the photo shoot would never end. I hate being photographed once, let alone a hundred times. I was exhausted from all the chemo to even put on a wig. Look at me with my scarf."

"You look perfect. And there was that Republican joke. Imagine that: us—Republicans!"

"It's still not funny."

"But it was a fun afternoon."

"Yes it was," Alexis conceded. "But there were plenty of photos of just the kids, and you and the boys and Kristina. I'll get Sam to make you a CD of all the photos so that you can choose a more suitable photo for the frame."

"No need. Sam already did that. Most of these photos are from that day," Sonny explained, pointing to the five other frames on the shelf with all combinations of Sonny, Kristina, and the boys.

"Did Kristina want you to put this particular photo in this frame?"

"No. It was all me."

"But I don't understand. What does that mean?"

Sonny didn't respond right away. She could tell he was thinking about what he wanted to say.

"It means what anyone would think it means. This is my family."

"But I'm in the photo."

"Don't you get it, Alexis? You are my family."

"No, Sonny, I'm just the mother of one of your children. For this photo to be complete the way you're thinking, Carly would have to be in it too."

"Then I would look like a polygamist!"

"Sonny," Alexis berated, giving him a small smile nonetheless.

"Sure, you being Kristina's mother has a lot to do with you being family. But you became family long before Kristina." Sonny paused for a moment, looking at her intently, as if to make sure that she was listening. "You became family the moment you started seeing the man I could be, rather than the man I was."

"But what about Carly? You were in love for a long time."

"Yes, we were. And she was a part of my family for so long that sometimes I have to remind myself that she no longer is—she is now part of the Jacks family. But it's more than that. Yes, she's the mother of my sons, and I care about her, but there were times when Carly seemed more interested in the person that I represented than the man that I was inside." Sonny rubbed his chin. "But with you …"

Alexis waited for him to continue, but he didn't.

"With me what?" she asked, whispering.

"With you, it was … different. You first saw me as your mob boss client, and as we became friends, you started seeing me as the man that I was—the man that I wanted to be. You believed in me, against the odds, and I wish that at the time I could have been the man you believed I could be. It's taken such a long time for me to finally do what I knew to be right all those years ago. The mob boss is gone now, and all that's left is the man that I am, the man I hope to be. And I hope to be a man worthy of a woman like you. I want someone to believe in me. Like you once did. I i_need_/i someone to believe in the good in me again."

He stopped for a moment, quickly blinking away the water in his eyes. "Because of all of that, _this_ photo belongs in _this_ frame."

Sonny took a step forward and reached out to touch the frame still in Alexis' hands. His fingers brushed over each of his children's faces, lingering on Michael's just a little longer, then Molly's, until it finally rested on Alexis' warm smile.

She looked up to observe the thoughtful look on his face; it was wistful, sad even.

When he lifted his gaze to find her, their eyes locked.

He had just bared his soul to her without an ulterior motive. He wasn't asking for anything; he just wanted her to know how he felt. Like he used to do all those years ago. Back then, he had hoped for understanding from her, but he had never demanded it. He'd demanded other things, but not understanding because it was not something that could be forced into being given. Yet, she had always given it to him freely. Even when it had cost her her heart. Now, as if by instinct, as if were the most natural thing to do, she found herself giving it to him again.

Her hand reached up to caress his jaw. There was a flicker of surprise in his eyes, and then she felt him lean into her touch. For a brief moment his eyelids closed. When their eyes locked again, the smallest of smiles appeared on his face.

As her fingers traced his smile, her face inched closer to his until her lips softly brushed over his. Her lips languidly moved over his top lip, and then his bottom lip, as he responded with equal tenderness. It was like two young teenagers sharing a first kiss—slow and unsure, but with no desired end. His hands cupped her face in the softest of touches, as their lips continued to sway to the rhythm of a familiar, yet unspoken love.

As her lips slowly moved out of reach, she rested her forehead on his, maintaining eye contact. The pair of dark eyes before her searched her own for answers to the myriad of questions their actions had just unleashed. It was her turn to bare her soul.

"I still believe in you, Sonny. I never stopped believing."

His face seemed to light up at her words, but there was still uncertainty in his eyes.

Alexis smiled and shrugged slightly. "And it looks like I never will."

Brushing a stray strand of hair from her face, he finally smiled. Then, very slowly, he leaned in and placed a single kiss on her lips. As her eyes fluttered, his hands slid down and wrapped themselves around her waist.

The familiar scent of Sonny overwhelmed her senses, as she found herself enveloped in his strong arms. His lips trailed her face as if he were an artist trailing his paintbrush over her canvas. Reaching her ear, she felt his warm breath hesitate, and then came the whispered plea that melted all of her doubts: "Please don't walk away this time."

"Please don't let me."


	6. Dancing Queen pt1

I've had bits and pieces of this written for weeks, and it seems to work well with the current storyline, so here it is. It was originally only meant to be a one-shot, but then in grew and grew, and now it's in three parts. The other two parts should be up by the end of the week. If you're reading this, I'd love to hear what you think about it.

This is TOTAL fluff. A bit of OOC—you'll see why. I tried to throw in a bit of humor, not sure how well I did on that, but feel free to let me know.

Karry Status: Kate's gone—wedding never happened. Jerry's here.

SamLexis: None

* * *

**Dancing Queen**** pt.1**

"I don't know why I let you drag me here, Di. I'm in no mood for all these happy people."

"They're not happy, they're just drunk. You come to places like these because you're miserable, so that you can get drunk and feel better," Diane said, dragging a complaining Alexis though a low-key bar.

"You want me to get drunk?"

"Yes!"

Shooing a few men away, Diane obtained two seats at the bar. "Now, sit."

Alexis obliged. "I don't know if drinking is the best solution right now. With everything that's going on in town."

"You're a single mother with two little kids and no prospective source of sex. It's your God-given right to get drunk! If I had your life, I'd already be in AA."

"Thank you, my supportive friend."

"Just being honest. It's the weekend, you've had a long day at work, your kids are gone for the weekend, and you're depressed—for good reason. It's now or never. If you're lucky, you might even find somebody to take advantage of—tonight is the perfect opportunity to learn how to have meaningless sex."

Diane turned to the bartender. "Two shots of tequila. And keep them coming."

"And some salt and lime please," Alexis added.

Diane gave her a curious look.

"If we're drinking tequila, we're doing it the right way."

"No, we're not." Diane waved away the lime and salt the bartender was about to serve.

"But—"

"Alexis, this is precisely your problem—doing things the right way. When has following the rules ever done anything for you? You're a workaholic, divorced single mother living in a town full of psycho ex-lovers who don't give a damn about anyone but themselves. So I'll repeat the question, what has following the rules ever done for you, except left you alone—emotionally and sexually."

"All I'm hearing is pot calling the kettle. Now give me my lime." Alexis motioned to the bartender, who had just finished filling a line of one-shot glasses in front of them.

"No, no, no!" Diane said, glaring the lime out of the bartender's hands before she turned to Alexis again. "At least I'm not hell-bent on doing the right thing, my dear kettle. I know how to have fun. You've got to live a little, Alexis."

"And by living, you mean drinking my tequila without salt and lime?"

"It's a metaphor, Alexis." Diane sighed loudly, and then lowered her voice. "If you're like this in bed, it's no wonder you're not getting any. Even psychos have standards."

Alexis, who'd been mildly amused up to now, felt a surge of anger rush through her. She reached for the first shot of tequila and downed it instantly. Then the second. The third. The fourth. The fifth. And the sixth. Slamming the last glass on the bar, she called out to the bartender, "We need more!"

She turned to a surprised Diane. "And _that_, my friend pot, is a metaphor for me during foreplay while we still have our clothes on."

Diane smiled. "A point well demonstrated. Remind me never to question your abilities in the bedroom again."

"Bottoms up," Alexis said, motioning to the newly filled glasses on the bar.

They clinked glasses and downed the tequila.

"I'm going to get so drunk, Di."

"The drunker, the better!"

"Is that even a word?"

"In an hour you won't even care."

. . .

Two hours later, Alexis and Diane were still at the bar, leaning against it now, downing yet another round of tequila shots.

"What a bastard that Jerry turned out to be."

"You can say that again."

"Son of a bitch, hypocrite, liar, scoundrel, asshole, prick!"

"Go, sister!"

"I had no words to describe the sex we had, but I have plenty of words to describe him!" She took another shot. "Damn him! Who is he to make me feel like this?"

"Now you're talking! At least you got some good sex out of him."

"But what now? I've already slept with the bad boys. It's the bad macho guys that are the best in bed. So even if they seem normal, like Ric did, if they're good in bed, there's a dark secret lurking. Mark my words, Di. The good guys are too busy saving the world to be good lovers."

Diane laughed, as she reached for another shot.

"Not funny. I can't go through another drought like the last one."

"What about Luke?"

"Spencer?"

"Yeah."

"Diane!"

"What? I'm trying to give you options here."

"He's old enough to be my father!"

"A teenage father!"

"Whatever."

"You do have a point; he'd get a heart attack during your crazy foreplay."

Alexis stuck her tongue out at Diane, reaching for another glass.

"What about Jason?"

"You can't be serious. Carly would drive a knife through my chest in a heartbeat. And then she'd pour gasoline over me and set me on fire."

"What an imagination."

Alexis shrugged. "I'm a Cassadine."

"But seriously, Carly moved in on your best friend. By sleeping with Jason you'd get even. And there would be the extra perk of good sex—according to your bad boy theory."

"I'd also like to stay alive long enough to have good sex more than once, thank you very much."

"You're giving Carly way too much credit. Besides, a little danger never stopped you."

"I've known Carly a lot longer than you have, and I think I'd have a better chance of staying alive if I slept with Claudia Zacchara."

Diane laughed.

Alexis turned to the bartender. "More tequila. And a question: Is good sex worth unleashing a fire-spitting dragon?"

The bartender remained silent as he poured tequila into the once again empty glasses.

"She asked you a question," Diane prompted.

"Yeah, I asked you a question."

The bartender turned his attention to another customer.

"Men are useless. Except for sex. Some of them." Alexis grabbed another glass.

"So go after Claudia. She's got that whole bad girl thing going for her."

"But she's a girl!" Alexis giggled.

"You only live once."

"After you, pot."

"Been there, done that."

Alexis stared at Diane. "No way!"

Diane nodded. "In college." She downed another shot.

"Eeeeeee! I can't believe it!"

"So Claudia is all yours."

"She's sleeping with Ric."

"Join them."

"I'm not that desperate."

"Yet."

Alexis sighed. "You may just have won the case, Di."

"Well, I can't think of any other bad boys. Johnny and Spinelli don't count—they're practically children. You'll be lucky if they're able to find the right hole."

"You can be so crude!" Alexis said, laughing in spite of herself.

"That's why you love me." Diane smiled. "But Max is off limits."

"Pinky swear." Alexis raised her pinky to Diane, but instead reached for another shot of tequila.

Diane followed her lead.

"So basically, I have no hope of having good sex—or any sex, for that matter—until the next psycho comes to town."

"We forgot Karpov."

"I'd rather sleep with Claudia!"

Diane laughed. "Well then, perhaps you should think about recycling."

Alexis let another shot burn down her throat in an attempt to tune out the alarm that had gone off in her head at Diane's last statement.

. . .

"Do you have anyone to take you home?" the bartender asked Diane, as she returned from the ladies' room with a slight stumble.

"We're fine. More tequila." She turned to Alexis. "You should have warned me about the bathroom. It's disgusting."

"When you gotta pee, it's better the devil you don't know."

"A pearl of wisdom from Alexis Davis, drunk extraordinaire."

Alexis giggled. "My tongue is numb." She stuck her tongue out to show Diane. "I think I killed my taste buds."

"Along with your self-destructive impulse to do the right thing, I hope."

"Yep. It's all gone! At least for tonight." Alexis took another swig of tequila. "That girl over there is very attractive." She pointed to a young woman dancing on the far end of the bar. "I've always wanted to try that. It looks like so much fun."

"Ah, to be twenty again," Diane said, as the first beats of an ABBA song registered in Alexis' hears.

"This is my song!" Alexis squealed. "It's a sign." She slid the one-shot glasses to Diane and leaned against the bar, trying to lift herself up.

"You're not so young anymore."

"But I can dance, and I can jive, and I can have the time of my life without that asshole!"

"I don't think that's such a good idea."

Alexis sat herself on the bar top. "I only live once, remember? And it's my song."

_Half past twelve  
And I'm watching the late show in my flat all alone  
How I hate to spend the evening on my own_

Diane shrugged. Alexis managed, through a series of stumbling awkward movements, to stand on the bar.

_Autumn winds  
Blowing outside my window as I look around the room  
And it makes me so depressed to see the gloom_

Her legs felt wobbly, there was a buzz in her head, and Diane was staring at her in disbelief. But none of that mattered. It was her song, and she was going to dance on a bar top. She was going to do it for every time that she had suppressed her needs and wants for some elusive higher cause.

_There's not a soul out there,_

_no one to hear my prayer_

Alexis sang the lyrics, her hips moving to the rhythm, while her fingers set her hair free.

_Gimme gimme gimme a man after midnight  
Won't somebody help me chase the shadows away_

She sensually slid her hands up and down her body, as her whole being moved to the beat of the song. She felt liberated—as if she were reclaiming parts of herself that had always existed but had never been acknowledged.

_  
Gimme gimme gimme a man after midnight  
Take me through the darkness to the break of the day_

This was exactly what she had needed: to do something for herself. And just for herself. Not because it was convenient, or because it was expected of her, or because it was the right thing to do. She was doing it for herself--out of pure, selfish, hedonistic desire. And it felt fabulous!

All that was missing was a man after midnight. Like most nights. But tonight, she would do whatever she wanted. Feeling bold and sexy, Alexis' eyes scanned the bar, indulging in her fantasy of picking up a stranger for the night.

That fantasy shattered when her eyes found a familiar face in the crowd.

.-.-.-.-.

He walked into the dimly lit bar. He'd had a rough day, and he just needed to be among strangers. 70ies music filled his ears, as his eyes adjusted to the dark atmosphere.

Making his way through the half-empty establishment, he was captivated by the woman dancing on the bar. Her hands slid down her body with natural ease, as her hair and hips moved to the beat of the music; she was obviously enjoying herself.

His eyes slowly traveled down her striking figure. Her outfit only served to highlight her perfectly proportionate curves, from her classic black low-cleavage top and suit skirt to her sensible, yet sexy, pumps.

Sensible pumps. Sensible pumps. What was it about sensible pumps?

His eyes shot up to the woman's face, but it was concealed by her hair.

It couldn't be. It couldn't be her. Of course it wasn't her. What was he thinking? He wasn't even drunk yet. She would never be in a place like this, let alone dancing on the bar top.

Unable to take his eyes off the woman, he imagined that she was her, and that she was dancing for him. It felt like a private experience. Sensual. Sexy. Real.

This was so much better than getting drunk.

The woman ran her fingers through her hair, brushing the stray strands from her face, as she looked around the spacious bar.

It was her.

It couldn't be. His eyes were deceiving him. He blinked quickly, and refocused his eyes.

It was her.

But it couldn't be. He must be going crazy.

When her eyes found him, she froze.

It was her.

"Keep dancing," someone yelled, as the crowd cheered and whistled. Alexis' eyes disappeared behind her hair once again, as her body easily fell into the rhythm of the song. More cheers followed.

This wasn't right.

Following his first instinct, he went to her, and forcefully pulled her off the bar.

"Hey!" Alexis protested against his chest, as his arms held her from losing her balance.

"Mr. Corinthos," Diane greeted him sarcastically.

"What do you think you're doing?" Alexis demanded.

"You'll thank me later."

"I was having fun!"

"You're drunk, dancing queen. You need to go home."

"What I need is a cosmopolitan. I'm done with tequila. One cosmo, please," Alexis told the bartender.

"I don't think you need a cosmo," Sonny said.

"But the girls from 'Sex and the City' always have cosmos."

"Yeah, well, those girls hardly dance on bars."

"How would you know? I'm sure Samantha does. Samantha is a trisexual, she'll try anything once. I should have been a Samantha. I could be with Smith right now. Smith is hot. Smith shaved his hair for Samantha when she had cancer. Smith didn't try to seduce her daughter—"

"Samantha never had a daughter," Diane interrupted.

"Irrelevant. Smith didn't sleep with Samantha's long lost daughter when she had cancer. Smith didn't sleep with Samantha while his crazy wife was on the loose. Men are fucking assholes. Except Smith. Smith is perfect. Why can't I get a Smith? Do I have to screw every guy in Port Charles to deserve a Smith?"

"Didn't she leave him in the movie?" Diane asked.

"Exactly! She. Left. Him. She was the one that walked away. Smith's only sin was that he worked a lot." Alexis sighed.

Sonny turned to Diane. "Diane, really. You should have known better."

"It's a free country, Sonny. Let her do whatever she wants."

"Yeah, Sonny. You have no right to control me." Alexis tried to wriggle out of his hold.

Ignoring her statement, Sonny's grip remained firm.

"And if someone happened to catch that on camera and put it on the internet—that would just do wonders for her reputation, wouldn't it?"

Diane slowly lowered her gaze, looking sheepish.

"I've already been Eddie's Angel. Dancing on a bar is child's play."

"You didn't have a school-aged kid at the time."

Alexis put her hand over her mouth. "Oops!"

"It's going to be a lot more than 'oops' tomorrow."

"Tomorrow is so far away, Sonny. There's still all of tonight. I want my cosmo."

"Alexis, maybe we should go home," Diane said.

"But we're having fun, girlfriend."

"But it's time to go. You don't want to be the last one leaving the party, do you?"

"Well …" Alexis paused for a moment. "I guess not. Samantha is never the last one to leave. I think I'm going to become a Samantha. Yes, that's my next goal in life: becoming Samantha Jones. Then I'll get my Smith."

Diane started to fumble through her purse. "I'll call us a cab, and we'll be out of here in no time."

"I don't think a cab is such a good idea," Sonny said. "Being in the state that you are, you'll probably flash the driver. I'll take you both home."

"So that we can flash you instead?"

Sonny laughed.

"Laugh all you want," Diane said, "but we're taking a cab. We're smart, independent, hot-looking women. We don't need to be rescued. Especially not by you."

"Diaaane, don't be so hostile to poor old Sonny boy. You're going to hurt his feelings. Look, his dimples are gone," Alexis complained, as he felt her index fingers poke his cheeks. "Awww, poor baby," Alexis patronized, rubbing her palms roughly down his face in mock comfort.

Sonny remained quiet, somewhat bewildered by Alexis' uncensored speech and hand movements, but intrigued nonetheless.

"Di, let Sonny take us home. He takes eeevery opportunity to control the lives of eeeverybody around him, especially his ex-lovers. I just so happen to be one in the extremely long and ongoing line of women who've had the enooormous privilege of being bedded by Latino lover over here." She patted his chest and laughed. Then she shrugged. "He might as well be useful. It will make him feel important. He'll get Johnny to come—"

"Who the hell is Johnny?" Diane asked.

"Shit!"

Sonny felt himself smile slightly, curios to hear Alexis' answer.

"Johnny's identity is not really important, but the thing is …" Alexis voice lowered to a whisper, "that Johnny is on a permanent private detail for me and the girls. But I wasn't supposed to know that because Johnny is veeerygood at remaining invisible—that's why you don't know about him. So now Sonny knows that I know, and now you know, but you're not allowed to tell anyone."

"Cross my heart—"

"I only trust our pinky swear, Di."

"Fine." Diane held her pinky up to Alexis.

"Seriously, Di, no one. Not even Max."

"Okay, not even Max," Diane conceded.

"No crosses count."

Sonny watched as the two adult women entwined their pinkies and kissed the backs of their hands. He bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself from laughing out loud; Alexis may be predictable, but she always found ways to surprise him. And she knew about Johnny. Who knew what else she knew? It was a safe bet that she knew much more than she was supposed to know.

"You-know-who will take care of our cars, Sonny will drive you to Max's, and then take me to bed. He knows the way."

"You mean _put_ to bed, Alexis," Diane corrected.

"Put, take, what does it matter? I won't remember anything in the morning."

A smile escaped Sonny's lips, as he leaned over the bar to ask the bartender: "How much did they actually drink?"

"Too much."

.-.-.-.-.

­Sonny honked, as he cruised into the driveway.

"We're here," he announced to the two passengers in his car.

"Wait until Max comes," Alexis told Diane from the front seat. "Let him open the door for you."

"I always make him open the door for me," Diane said, giggling.

Sonny rolled his eyes and honked again.

Max finally appeared, helping Diane out of the car. "Thanks, Sonny."

"Make her drink lots of water," Sonny instructed. "She's so wasted she can hardly walk."

"So is your precious Alexis," Diane accused.

"I was dancing on a bar top. In heels!"

"It was sheer adrenaline that kept you from falling flat on your face."

"Let's go, Diane," Max said.

"Don't flash him," Diane warned.

Alexis laughed. "Try not to have too much fun without me. And remember what know-it-all­ Sonny said: drink looots of water."

Sonny restarted the car and pulled out of the driveway.

With Diane gone, the car was unusually quiet, as the lulling sound of the car engine filled his mind. He glanced at Alexis, who was leaning on her elbow, with her eyes closed, looking strangely peaceful.

"Some night," he said.

"Mm hm."

"It looked like you were having fun."

"I was, until you showed up and ruined it." Her tone was oddly calm, almost mellow.

"Ruined it?"

"Maybe not ruin, but stop. You definitely stopped me from having fun."

"You two were coming dangerously close to accomplishing your mission of finishing the bar's entire tequila supply."

"Then they must not have had much of a supply. And I was switching to cosmos," Alexis countered, as a hiccup caused her to sit up and open her eyes.

"But you had a good time?"

"Mm hm. I can't remember the last time I did something purely for my own enjoyment."

"I can," he said in a playful tone. "And I'm pretty sure you can too."

Alexis hiccupped again. "Sonny, pull over."

"I didn't mean—"

"Pull over. Now!" she said, clamping her hands over her mouth.

He checked the rearview mirror, slowing the car down. "You okay?"

She responded by coughing as she bent forward in the seat: she was throwing up.

As soon as the car stopped, Alexis flung the passenger door open and stumbled out of the car.

Sonny found her on all fours, coughing violently, as she tried to move the loose hair from her mouth. Crouching next to her, he gently pulled her hair back.

The heaving of her body caused strands of hair to escape his hold, but Sonny caught each one, his fingers moving through her hair in repetitive soothing motions.

Two years ago Alexis' hand had held strands of her hair out to him with panic and despair in her eyes, as her body fought the poison that was killing her lung cancer. Back then, all Sonny could offer was optimism and a promise that her daughters would not be separated.

By now, her hair had fully grown back. It felt strong under his touch, but still soft. Her outward appearance gave no hints that she'd ever had cancer, and Alexis gave away even less—she was a trooper. And yet, here she was, on the side of a road in the middle of the night, her body fighting once again fighting poison, a poison she'd voluntarily taken because of an idiot called Jerry Jacks. All Sonny could do was hold her hair back and make sure she got home safely.

As Alexis' coughs became less frequent, she took a deep breath and sat back on her heels. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. "Disgusting."

Her hair fell loosely behind her shoulders, as Sonny rubbed her back reassuringly. "You okay?"

"Uh oh. I think I just need to get to bed."

Sonny pulled Alexis off the ground and walked her to the car. He sat her in the back seat as he quickly cleaned up the passenger side. "I think it's okay now, but you can sit in the back seat if you want."

Without a word, she got up. Sonny helped her into the passenger's seat, buckling her seatbelt and handing her some tissues.

"I feel like such a baby," Alexis said quietly.

"Everyone's a baby sometimes," he replied reassuringly, as he started the car.

A moment of silence passed before Alexis laughed.

"Everything okay?"

"I guess I should say I'm sorry. About throwing up in your car. I'll pay for the cleaning."

"Don't worry about it," he said, as he patted her knee.

A moment of silence followed.

Alexis reached for the radio, as she tried to turn it on. After pressing almost all the buttons, she groaned in defeat. "And it's not even a kitchen appliance."

"Let me," Sonny said, his tone much softer than he had intended it to be. He surfed a few stations before he found one Alexis would like. Soft rock music filled the car, as he heard her hum to a familiar tune.

"That's nice," she said, yawning.

Sonny smiled. Suddenly, he wasn't so eager to get to the lake house.

* * *


	7. Dancing Queen pt2

Okay, so here's part 2. I know I said I would post all the parts by the end of the week, BUT I wasn't sure how to begin part 3, and now I have exams coming up. Ughh. So look for the last part of this kiss in about ten days. Sorry :( Also feel free to blame it on the Jerm s/l coz my muse got sidetracked by a possible SamLexis scene. We'll see how that goes.

Oh, and the "Just A Kiss" series now boasts an amazing banner, courtesy of Ayshie. But sadly I don't know how to link it here :( Why does have to be so difficult?!

Anyway, the humor continues, although I'm not sure if I didn't go a little over the top. But what the hell, it's a soap, and I love Mo and Nancy comedy.

I'm also wondering, do you prefer shorter or longer chapters?

If you're reading this, I would very much like to hear your thoughts on it.

* * *

**Dancing Queen pt.2**

Sonny and Alexis stood at her front door as she fumbled through her handbag.

"I can't find them." She held the leather accessory out to Sonny. "You try."

Finding the keys, he unlocked the door and held it open for her, before following her inside.

"Are the girls here?"

Sonny doubted she would be out partying like there's no tomorrow if her daughters were home. She would never let herself be drunk or hung over in front of them, regardless of what any man did to her.

Alexis hiccupped. "Molly's at Ric's for the weekend, and Kristina is at a birthday sleepover. She'll be back tomorrow afternoon." She hiccupped again. "Bathroom!" she yelled, stumbling up the stairs.

After locking the front door and removing his jacket, he went to the kitchen.

Armed with a large glass of water, he proceeded to her bedroom.

The bathroom doors were closed, but he heard the running of water.

"You okay in there?"

"False alarm."

A few moments later Alexis opened the door, her top almost entirely drenched, along with most of her hair.

"What happened?"

"I was just trying to wash my face," she said helplessly.

"Here, drink this." He extended the glass out to her. Taking it from him with unsteady hands, Sonny remained alert in case she dropped it.

Alexis drank the water in a single gulp.

"Good. Now, let's get you into your pajamas," he said, walking her to the bed.

She sat down, and he put the pajamas next to her.

She showed no sign of acknowledgment. "You—uh—need some help?" he asked hesitantly.

"You don't have to be so enthusiastic about it. I'm fully capable of putting my pajamas on by myself, thank you very much."

"Maybe I should step out for a moment."

"Suit yourself."

"Uh—I think I'll just turn around."

"Whatever."

He turned around.

A few moments later, she declared proudly, "I'm done."

He turned to face her again. Her pajama pants were on backwards, her mostly drenched black camisole was hanging out, and her oversized T-shirt was inside out with her head and arms not quite in the right openings. He couldn't help but laugh.

"What?"

He motioned towards the mirror.

She moved along the edge of the bed so she could see herself, and then she gasped. "I can't go to sleep like this."

"Because who knows who could drop by and see you like this in your own house on a Saturday morning?"

"Maybe. You don't know who comes to my house at iall/i hours of the day. And night."

He tilted his head.

"At least pretend that you're not spying on me!"

"I didn't say anything."

"Oh, shut up!" she said, frustrated, as she tried to take off her T-shirt. Instead her arms got tangled in the large openings, the shirt hiding a part of her face.

Sonny laughed.

"Don't just stand there! Help me!"

Sonny gently pulled the garment off her.

"Thank you. This one too," she said, holding her wobbly arms up.

_What on earth is she doing?_

"Alexis, I—"

"Get over yourself, Sonny. I'm not sleeping in this wet, filthy top. Now, be a friend and help me out of my clothes. It's not like we haven't done this before."

Sonny hesitated.

"I don't know why you're here if you're not going to help," Alexis said, as her arms crossed and grabbed at the ends of the camisole. Her arms gave out halfway up, as the partially removed garment revealed the contours of her breasts.

_She's trying to ki__ll me. Slowly. Painfully._

Alexis groaned in exasperation.

Sonny sighed and reached for the camisole, averting his eyes before pulling it off.

"Thank you."

Fully aware of the naked torso in front of him, he forced himself to focus on the night lamp behind her. What he really wanted to do was stare. And then stare some more.

_This is wrong on so many levels. She is drunk, and you shouldn'__t even be thinking about it._

But he did think about it. That's all he could think about.

"Awww, such a gentleman," Alexis teased, making no attempt to cover herself up. "Can you get me a tank top? It's the second drawer from the top."

Relieved, Sonny walked to the dresser. Opening a drawer filled with a variety of tops, he reached for the first one he saw. Taking it to Alexis, he made sure he focused on her face.

"Not this one. I want the purple one."

Sonny walked to the dresser again. Just at first glance he saw three purple items. He sighed.

_This is goi__ng to be a long, long night._

He took all three tops to Alexis, and held them up, still successfully ignoring her partial nudity. "Which one?"

"The one with the heart on it."

Sonny unfolded each item to look for a heart. He found none. But he desperately needed her to not be topless. "This is it," he said, holding out one of the tops to her.

"No, it's not. This is a halter top. I don't wear halter tops to bed. And it doesn't have a heart."

"None of these purple tops have hearts."

He felt his eyes straying. Surely, he could take a peek. She wouldn't even notice; she'd already said that he was being a gentleman.

_But you'll know. And you'll feel like an ass for violating her privacy while she's drunk. God, why did she have to be drunk? _

_Of course, this would never happen if she weren't drunk. Get a grip, Sonny. She's naked because she's drunk, and she's drunk because of Jerry Jacks. She may have fallen for you once, but she's not going to fall for you again. You may be are a better man than Jerry, but not by much._

"I meant black. Sorry," she said, not sounding apologetic in the least. "With spaghetti straps."

Sonny walked back to the dresser, and searched for the right top.

_How many tank tops can a woman need? _

_I've never even seen her wear any of these. But then again, she could be wearing anything underneath all those suits of hers. A camisole, like today. A tube top. Sexy lingerie. Nothing. _

_Focus, Sonny, focus._

There must have been at least a dozen items resembling a black tank top. He pulled them out one by one, looking for a heart. A lot of silk and cotton, but his lips curved into a smile whenever he felt satin under his fingertips. Black satin. Memories of another time he'd been in a bedroom with a topless Alexis filled his mind. Luckily, she hadn't been drunk that night.

_She's drunk. No ifs and no __buts. She's drunk. Period._

Sonny unfolded yet another cotton top. He smiled when he saw a little silver heart below one of the straps. Glancing at the messy drawer, he left it open as a reminder to reorganize it once Alexis was asleep.

"Found it."

"Are you sure this time?"

"Heart, check. Spaghetti straps, check. Black, check."

She lifted her arms over her head. Focusing his eyes on the ceiling, Sonny placed the openings over the right parts of her anatomy, and he pulled the top down. It went over her head, down her shoulders, and as it finally covered her breasts, his hands accidentally brushed against the soft skin.

_She's drunk. Wasted. Plastered. Smashed. Drunk._

_Drunk, drunk, drunk._

Managing to pull the top down all the way, he quickly stepped back and stared at her. And her breasts. The peaks were saying hello.

_Oh boy__._

"Are you okay?" Alexis asked.

"I'm fine."

"Then help me put these pants on properly." She stuck her legs out to him.

He approached her cautiously. Impatient, she sawed the air with her legs. He caught her feet with his hands, before he tugged at the official Yale item.

_What a surprise: She has to be sma__rt even when she's sleeping._

The garment came off easily, but Sonny pulled at it gently for her sake, and slowly enough for his sake, her long legs gradually freeing themselves from the confines of the university apparel.

_I can stare at her legs, right? If she were at the beach, I'd be able to see her legs. So legs have to be allowed. __Her insanely touchable legs._

All too soon he was covering them up again.

She stood up to assist him, but lost her balance and fell into his chest.

_No touching!_

"Looks like it's bedtime for the dancing queen."

"I need to brush my teeth," she said, as she proceeded to walk unsteadily to the bathroom.

A few moments later, she called to him. "Sonny, I need you."

He felt a strange thrill at being needed by her again.

_Cha__pter revision: She's drunk._

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know. It's like my mind knows what to do, but my body won't listen. See?" She demonstrated her point by yanking at the toothpaste cap with no success.

He took the toothpaste from her, squeezed a bit onto the toothbrush and ran it under water.

"Here you go," he said, handing her the toothbrush.

Alexis smiled, as she pushed the toothbrush into her mouth. "Oww." She attempted to brush her teeth, but it was obvious from her uncoordinated movements that she was hurting herself more than she was benefiting.

Sonny gently placed his hand on her wrist and took the toothbrush out of her hand. He sat her down on the edge of the bathtub.

"Open wide."

"Aaaaaaaaa," Alexis sounded out.

Holding the back of her head with one hand, he used the other to run the toothbrush over her teeth in careful movements.

When she gurgled, he helped her to the sink to spit out the diluted toothpaste. She sat on the bath tub.

"Can you get me some floss?"

"Maybe you can skip flossing tonight."

"Flossing is just as important as brushing. Do you want me to lose all my teeth?"

"You're in no condition to floss your teeth, Lex."

"You stopped me from having the time of my life, so the least you could do is floss my teeth. You already brushed my teeth in the gentlest, most tender way possible, and I don't think of you as any less manly, so there's nothing to fear." She gave him a goofy grin.

_She thinks of me as manly. _

_Of course she thinks of me as manly: Kristina wasn't conceived out of thin air. _

_But hearing her say it—_

"Please, Sonny." She stuck her lower lip out and looked at him with pleading eyes.

It was the same look Kristina gave him when she wanted something. It was a look he had not yet managed to say no to.

"You win."

"Yes!" she exclaimed, giggling.

Shaking his head, Sonny looked through the medicine cabinet. He was relieved to find dental floss sticks.

"Here we go."

"Aaaaaaaaaaaa."

Holding her chin with one hand, he took a deep breath, as the other hand carefully pushed the floss between her teeth.

_Sh__e said I was manly. I _am_ manly. Flossing a woman's teeth can be manly. I'm making it manly._

"All done," he announced, impressed with himself that he hadn't made her gums bleed.

"Now we brush again."

"But we already brushed."

_We? The longer Alexis is out of the warm confines of her bed, the more dangerous this night become__s. _

"It's brush, floss, brush, wash."

"Every night?"

Alexis nodded. "You mop after you sweep, don't you?"

"If you say so." Sonny's tone remained light to mask his irritation. He wasn't sure if his ego was annoyed by having to fulfill her demands, or by the fact that he was enjoying fulfilling her demands in spite of knowing that it wouldn't lead to anything but Alexis asleep in her bed. Alone.

He brushed her teeth again.

After she spat out the toothpaste, she stuck her white tongue out to him.

Confused, he paused for a moment before asking, "You want me to brush your tongue?"

She nodded.

_How on earth __am I finding this attractive?_

He proceeded to brush Alexis' tongue.

"Good?"

She nodded, and turned to the sink again, rinsing her mouth.

"Mouthwash."

He reached behind her into the medicine cabinet again.

"Lex, be sure not to swallow, okay?" Just to be sure, he diluted it with water. She gurgled and spat it out.

"All done?" he asked.

She smiled. "All done."

"Now have some more water."

She gulped it down.

"Ready for bed?"

"I just need to use the toilet."

"Oh, okay." Sonny took a quick look around the bathroom before closing the door behind him.

In the next few minutes, thuds and clatters were heard, regularly accompanied by Alexis' yelling: "I'm fine."

Eventually she stumbled out the bathroom, and Sonny helped her into the bed.

"Good night, Sonny. And thank you," she said quietly.

"Any time, Alexis. Sweet dreams."

He watched her as her eyes closed, and she drifted off. He felt a strange tinge of regret that the night—their night—was over.

_Should I stay? _

_Maybe she'll wake up feeling sick again. Or thirsty. She should be kept hydrated: who knows how much tequila she actually drank. _

As Sonny found enough reasons to stay, he sat on one of the chairs. An old memory slowly resurfaced, of the night that she had put him to bed. He had teased her relentlessly with sexual innuendos, but she had persevered. Then she'd sat by his bedside as he slept.

_There are so many memories that connect us. S__o much history. And most of it—most of the important parts all happened before Kristina was conceived._

Now, like so many other days when he found himself alone, he couldn't help but miss her. He missed her stubbornness, her nervous rambling, and even her crazy obsession with popcorn. He missed the scared little girl inside her that knew the scared little boy inside him. He missed his friend.

**. . . **

His elbow slipped off the chair's armrest, causing him wake up. Rubbing his eyes, he looked to the bed: Alexis seemed to be fast asleep. He checked his watch: it was almost 4 a.m.

He should probably have her drink another glass of water before letting her sleep the rest of the night.

"Alexis," he whispered. "Hey."

No response.

"Alexis," he tried again, tapping her shoulder.

"Mhhmm," she groaned, turning her head away.

"C'mon, Lex. Just one more glass of water."

She slowly opened her eyes and squinted at him. He gave her his biggest smile.

Alexis slowly smiled back. "Dimples."

As she pushed her elbows back, he helped her sit up.

Sitting next to her on the bed, he brought the glass to her lips. Her warm hands covered his, as she slowly drank the water.

"Good girl. More?"

She shook her head, and he placed the glass back on the nightstand.

"Then back to your sweet dreams."

"Thank you, Sonny. This is all very kind of you."

He smiled.

Her hand reached out to his face and caressed his cheek. "I always found it strange how your face is so soft. But your hands are rough." Her hand slid down to find his. She traced her fingertips along the calloused palm. "Rough and manly." Her hand moved up to his face again, as she stroked his jaw. "See? Soft."

Her sensitive touch had caught him off guard, sending tingles through his body. The innocence of her subtle movements reminded him that it wasn't genuine. She seemed to be in a dream-like state. He searched her eyes for a glimpse, for any sense of reality. He couldn't find any. But her chestnut eyes looked back at him, vulnerable and unguarded, as they used to do a long time ago.

Her fingertips moved to the edge of his mouth, and began tracing his lower lip. Gently. Slowly. Almost erotically. Reaching the other end of his mouth, she gave a little sigh, as her fingers began moving along his upper lip. Gently. Slowly. Erotically.

How he wanted to touch her.

Her face inched towards him, and her mouth met his. He felt the warmth of her breath on his skin, and he let his eyelids drop. As her softness brushed against his, her lips parted slightly, capturing his lower lip in between hers in a tender, lingering kiss.

And then her lips were gone.

He opened his eyes in time to see her contented sigh turn into a smile, before she slipped under the covers.

He observed her carefree expression as she drifted off to sleep once again. It was his turn to sigh. It would all mean nothing tomorrow.

But perhaps he could make the night last just a little bit longer.

Looking around the room, the dresser drawer caught Sonny's eye. Walking to it, he collected the purple tank tops from the nearby chair.

As he reached inside the drawer he hesitated.

_Is it okay to do this? To go through her dresser?_

_Well, s__he already gave me permission by letting me find the top. I've already seen all there is to see. And I won't go through her dresser—I'm going to reorganize. Just this drawer._

His hands started refolding the tops and moving them around randomly until he realized he wasn't doing much to restore order. Not the Alexis kind of order. After moving all the messed up tops to the chair, he eyed the remaining of Alexis' neatly folded garments. Fingering each one, he realized Alexis organized her tops by strap type, subdivided by material. He smiled: he'd hardly expect anything less.

Holding up each top, one by one, he examined it before folding it and placing it on the correct pile. He found himself admiring Alexis' good taste, imagining what she would look like in each top. Only in the top.

He picked up the purple halter top Alexis had complained that she didn't sleep in.

_She's always looked good in halter tops. Well, she looks good __in anything. But when she puts on a halter dress, it's like wow! Like in Puerto Rico. That dress ... and I wouldn't have minded if it had been shorter._

He folded the top and placed it on the other cotton halter tops.

Sonny reached for the last top left on the chair. He held up the sexy black camisole, smiling as he realized why it looked familiar. The material felt worn out under his touch, as he traced the lacy design below the thin straps. He brought the garment to his face, inhaling the scent of Alexis. He couldn't help but chuckle against the silk: she was still using the same fabric softener. Reluctantly, he folded the sexy item and placed it inside the dresser.

Having completed his first task, Sonny closed the drawer quietly. He proceeded to pick up the dirty clothes from the floor and placed them in the laundry basket, as he cleared the items she'd knocked down in the bathroom. He also refilled the glass and placed it on Alexis' nightstand.

Sonny looked around Alexis' bedroom once again; it appeared tidy. His eyes strayed to the figure of the sleeping Alexis.

_Should I leave? _

_Or sleep on the couch? _

His eyes went to the chair. That way she would be the first thing he saw in the morning.

A yawn crept up on him: it had been a very long day. In only a few moments, Sonny too was fast sleep.

* * *


	8. Dancing Queen pt3

**Dancing Queen pt.3**

_It's almost eleven. __How long can a person sleep?_

Alexis was still fast asleep when Sonny woke up. She lay in the middle of her big bed, under a mess of sheet and comforter, but she looked peaceful. Captivated by her unassuming beauty, he felt ashamed when he caught himself staring at her. Berating himself, he gently pulled the sheet over her sleeping figure. She groaned and turned to the other side, snuggling under the covers. Sonny smiled. He walked to the window and closed the curtains, before heading to his second favorite room in the house.

After finding an apron hidden at the far end of a drawer filled with children's plastic tableware, Sonny rolled up his sleeves and busied himself in the kitchen. One by one, plates filled the kitchen table. First, the number of plates had doubled and then tripled. And then he ran out of plates.

_This woman doesn't even have a full set of plates. This is why people need to have weddings—to get plates. Alexis had to finance two __divorces, and she didn't even get any plates out of those marriages. She is such a mess. And how come it only makes her more attractive? I'm a person who needs plates._

Checking his watch once again, Sonny rubbed his chin.

_I didn't think she'd sleep so long. Should I leave? She only let me bring her home and help her to bed. Maybe she wants to enjoy some alone tim__e before Kristina gets back._

He glanced back at the overcrowded table surface. Not only did the food look delicious, but it smelled even better. As if on command, his stomach growled.

Sonny looked around the kitchen to find a distraction. His eyes landed on a messy pile of papers: he'd used a magazine he'd found next to the trash to cover the floor as he cooked. He leafed through the colorful pages. A picture of a woman smiling, with her breast almost exposed, caught his eye. The heading said: Brangelina Reveal Breastfeeding Pics. With nothing better to do, Sonny began reading the article.

Actress Angelina Jolie graces the cover of W magazine in a photograph showing her breastfeeding one of her 3-month-old twins. A photo spread and the cover shot were taken by Jolie's partner Brad Pitt. The shoot took place in mid-August in the backyard of their French chateau while the actress was out of the public spotlight looking after Viviennne and Knox and the rest of their children.

_La Leche League International, the world's oldest breast-feeding support organization_

Sonny laughed at the name.

_… applauds Jolie's apparent decision to be photographed nursing. "Breast-feeding in public reveals a whole lot less than what has been revealed on the red carpet. … I think we do need more role models like Angelina Jolie willing to be photographed and say, 'Hey look, it can be done, it oughta be done,'" said La Leche spokeswoman Jane Crouse._

_Pitt and Jolie are also parents to biological daughter Shiloh (2), and three adopted children: Maddox, 7, from Cambodia; Pax, 4, from Vietnam; Zahara, 3, from Ethiopia._

_Jolie said she had only intended to adopt children until her love for Pitt changed her mind. "I suppose I just looked at him and loved him and_

_And what?_

A large dried up batter stain hid the rest of article. Sonny reached for a butter knife in the utensil drawer. He pulled a chair to the counter and proceeded to carefully scrape off the floury mixture without ripping the cheap magazine paper. Separating first the edges of the stain, Sonny successfully removed the dried batter.

_Good._

_... just felt open to (getting pregnant)," she says. "I suddenly wanted to. It's one of those things you can't explain. … I'm with a man who's evolved enough to look at my body and see it as more beautiful, because of the journey it has taken and what it has created. He genuinely sees it that way. So I genuinely feel even sexier."_

Sonny looked at the photo again.

_She is hot._

He felt himself smile.

_But then again, I think half the planet is hot. Even that crazy Alaskan lady is hot._

Sonny shrugged.

_Some people do drugs, others gamb__le. I got my sexy women. _

He turned the page.

_Appropriate PDA? Not!_

Sonny scanned over a photo collage of couples in intimate positions. Some were quite racy. He leaned forward to see better.

_PDA? Hmm. Must be some kind of sexual touching._

He moved to another page.

_Madonna Announces Divorce._

_After countless denials of domestic trouble, Madonna and Guy Ritchie announced Wednesday they are divorcing after nearly eight years of marriage. The couple's announcement brings to an end a showbiz union that spanned the Atlantic and dominated the gossip columns._

_Madonna — "Madge" to the British press—and her filmmaker husband were always greater tabloid fodder in England, where they lived. The pop star seemed to take to English life, spending much of her time at the couple's 1,200-acre country estate in Wiltshire, and to some ears, adopting a slight British accent._

_But in recent years, reports began to accumulate that they were on the rocks. Over the summer, Madonna was linked — unfairly, she said — to the breakup of New York Yankee …" [continued on p.25, incl. the REAL truth behind the breakup]_

_Okay, let's find page 25._

Sonny impatiently paged through the greasy pile of papers, checking the page numbers.

_Where the hell is page 25?_

He flipped the pile and searched from the other end.

Finding it, Sonny pulled the page out.

_Aha! Let's see why they really b__roke up!_

He tried to read the rest of the article, but to his dismay he found that the page had at least a dozen holes in it. With every few words missing it was a futile attempt. He sighed. Turning the page, he found pictures of well-dressed bodies without heads. He couldn't help but laugh out loud.

"What's going on in here?" said an all-too-familiar voice, as the kitchen door swung open and Alexis appeared.

"Good morning," he said, greeting her with his most dazzling smile.

"What are you—" she began, but her eyes went from him to the kitchen table. "A Sonny breakfast?" She looked at him again, hopeful.

"Of course!"

"Mmmmm." She closed her eyes, inhaling the aroma. "Smells like heaven."

"Tastes even better."

"Always so confident."

Sonny smiled. "I took the liberty. I don't mean to assume anything, but I figured, since the girls are gone, and after last night … well, that you would need a delicious meal to start the day off. I hope that's okay."

"As long as you made coffee. And I know you did since my nose," she said, tapping her nose, "can smell coffee, like FBI dogs can smell marijuana."

"That is probably true. How are you feeling?" he asked, as he poured her a cup.

She gratefully accepted the cup he held out to her, as she blew ripples in the liquid's surface. "Okay, I guess. I have a bit of a headache."

"You were pretty drunk."

"I was very drunk."

Sonny laughed. "Yeah, you were." He took a sip from his half-empty cup.

Still blowing into her cup, she said, "This is familiar: morning coffee."

He smiled. "Yeah."

They continued looking at each other over their coffee cups in quiet understanding. Perhaps sometimes she missed him too.

His growling stomach broke the silence.

Alexis laughed. "We better get the chef fed."

He pulled out the chair for Alexis, who was still wearing her Yale pajama bottoms and the heart tank top.

"Okay, where do we start?" she asked excitedly.

He proceeded to remove the extra plates that had been conserving the heat. For every dish that he revealed, he was rewarded with an [i]ooh[/i] or an [i]ah[/i].

"It all looks so good, I just want to eat it all at once. French toast, crepes, pancakes, [i]and[/i] waffles. All from scratch?"

"Your doubts wound me, milady."

"Well, I'm impressed, as usual. I feel like _Alexis and the Batter Factory_."

Sonny smiled.

"I guess I'll start with the waffles. Why do they look different?"

"Just a little culinary license. Try it."

She bit into the waffle. "Mmm. It's good." She continued chewing. "It's [i]really[/i] good. Tastes familiar."

"Guess," he said, buttering his own waffle.

Alexis cut off another piece and chewed with her eyes closed. Then they opened, and she looked at him wide-eyed. "Oreo cookie crumbs?"

He nodded, pleased with her reaction.

"Excellent use of license, if I may say so myself." She picked up the rest of her waffle and examined it visually. "Genius."

She reached for the chocolate syrup and poured it over the waffle.

"Oh, I almost forgot," he said, going to the fridge.

Her ice-cream freezer shelf was stocked full. He took the butter pecan and chocolate chip cookie dough flavors.

"I thought you might want to add some ice-cream."

"Ooooh, you think of everything."

She took a large scoop of each flavor and put it over the chocolate syrup. "And now whipped cream."

"Don't forget the cherry on top," he said, motioning to a number of small bowls holding colored sprinkles, chocolate chips, nuts, and a variety of cookie crumbs. He sprinkled mixed nuts over his own buttered and ice-creamed waffle.

After adding all her extras, she stared at her creation. "I'm not sure how to eat this. It's so big. And sloppy."

"That's why God gave us hands."

Smiling, she briefly made eye contact with him, before taking her waffle and biting in it.

"Mmmmmmm." Alexis' compliment resembled a moan.

_She's doing it again. Killi__ng me. Slowly. Painfully._

"This is _so_ good." She moaned again.

_She better stop moaning or I'm not going to be able to get up from this table for a good while._

In less than a minute, Alexis' mouth and cheeks were covered with chocolate and whipped cream.

Sonny smiled, as he bit into his own waffle.

"I have food all over my face, don't I?"

"I don't see anything," he replied innocently.

Alexis's tongue licked around her mouth, blissfully unaware at how sexy it was. Goofy, but sexy.

_Good Lord. How is it possible that she is so oblivious of her own charms? Or is she?_

"So, how come you're letting me eat so much unhealthy food all at once? And you're eating it yourself! This is very unlike you, Sonny."

"Well, for one, your food supply didn't give me much of a choice."

"Hey! You found flour, didn't you?"

"Some very _old_ flour. It expires in three days."

"Very funny." She made a face. "And what's the other reason?"

_Nothing gets by her._

"Well, I thought you would enjoy some comfort food since you'd be hung over."

"Smart move, Sherlock."

Sonny smiled. "But I am very impressed with your syrup and snacks supply."

"Well, if I can't make things from scratch, I can at least provide my kids with the next best thing money can buy."

Having finished her waffle, she wiped the ice-cream and chocolate off her face, before reaching for the French toast. She repeated the same ritual as with her waffle.

"Mmm. _So_ good. Mmm."

_Down, boy._

**. . .**

"I think I'm done," Alexis said, pushing away her plate. "Did you really think I was going to be able to eat all this?" She motioned to the uneaten food.

"You ate more than I expected."

"Hey! You should never say that to a woman!"

"Is that a double standard I hear?"

Alexis narrowed her eyes at him.

"I thought Kristina and Molly might enjoy some homemade treats."

Alexis face featured a cute look of surprise. "That's very nice of you."

"Stop talking as if I just made breakfast for a perfect stranger! I cooked for my daughter, my niece, and my--" Sonny paused for a moment before adding: "friend."

"I guess it's just unexpected, so it feels a little out of place."

"I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable."

"Not uncomfortable, just different." She gave him a little smile. "Anyway, breakfast was impressive. Delectable, scrumptious, delicious. All in all, wow! And Molly and Kristina would add yummy."

He laughed. "I'm glad you liked it."

A moment of silence followed.

"I should get these plates washed." Alexis got up from the table and opened the dishwasher.

Sonny followed her lead, as they collected the empty plates, stored the leftovers, and cleaned up the kitchen.

_It feels so norma__l to be doing this with her._

"What should I do with this?" Alexis motioned to the messy pile of magazine pages on the countertop.

"Trash," Sonny replied.

"Weren't you reading this before I came in?"

"No," he lied.

"You were laughing."

"Yeah, but—"

"You were reading gossip before I came in?" She picked up the last article he had tried to read.

"No, I wasn't," he lied again.

"Yes, you were. You were sitting here in this chair, and you were laughing."

"I was laughing at the cut out heads."

"But why were you looking at it in the first place?"

"You're such a lawyer."

"And you're avoiding the question."

"I was hungry, the food was calling out to me, but you were still sleeping, so I had to distract myself."

"So you read gossip?"

"There's nothing else in this kitchen to read!"

"Because I'm never in here."

"You're the one with the gossip magazine in your house."

"Sam brings them after she reads them. She's trying to get me to be more involved in the 'real world'. Never mind the fact that celebrities are not the real world. But Kristina and Molly love to cut out the pictures from the magazines."

"You should keep an eye out on them, cause here," he said, taking page 25 from her and holding it up, "they're just cutting out the heads."

"Give me that!" She snatched the page from him and crumpled it. "The fact remains: Mr. Tough Guy Sonny Corinthos was reading gossip."

"I was only using the magazine to keep your kitchen clean—not that it's ever been used before today. And do you know how long it took me to find the apron."

"I own an apron?"

_This woman is going to be the end of me._

He stared at her for a moment, and then he let out a hearty laugh. She joined him soon thereafter.

"So how's the hangover?"

"I don't have half the hangover I should have, considering how much I drank."

"That's good."

"It's all the water you made me drink, right?"

"You remember?"

"Mm hm." She nodded.

"Do I remember that you pulled me down from a bar top? Yes, I do. Thank you."

Sonny chuckled. "Anytime."

"Do I remember you taking me home?" she asked rhetorically. "And I threw up in your car. You _have_ to let me pay for the cleaning."

Sonny waved her last statement away.

"Do I remember you brushing my teeth? I made you floss my teeth, didn't I?"

Sonny nodded.

"And, you brushed my—tongue?"

Sonny nodded again.

Alexis gave him a little smile. "You should have run when you had the chance."

Sonny shrugged.

"Do I remember telling you your skin is soft?" Her hand reached out to his face and caressed his cheek.

"Do I remember doing this?" Her fingertips moved to the edge of his mouth, and began tracing his lower lip—just like the night before. Gently. Slowly. Erotically.

Her face inched towards him, and her mouth met his. As her softness brushed against his, her lips parted slightly, capturing his lower lip in between hers in a tender, lingering kiss.

When her lips pulled away, their eyes locked.

"I remember everything," Alexis whispered.

She leaned in again, pressing her mouth onto his. Her hands found their way to the back of his head, as her lips moved against his. Tingles ran through his body when her tongue slipped into his mouth. His arms instinctively embraced her.

_She feels so good. But ..._

"Lex, stop." Sonny broke the kiss.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry," Alexis said, embarrassed. Staring at the floor, she took a few steps back. "I just threw myself at you. Please forget this ever happened."

She attempted to walk away. Sonny grabbed her by the wrist, and made her face him.

"I don't want to forget this," he said seriously.

"Then what do you want? Don't mess with my head, Sonny."

"I want you, but I won't be your rebound guy."

Surprise registered on her face. Then she thought for a moment, and tilted her head as a smile crossed her lips.

"What if I told you that Ric and Jerry were my rebound guys?"

"From me?"

_She cannot be serious. _

_Can she?_

She gave a little shrug.

_She's teasing me. _

_But __it's working, so who cares?_

Sonny's felt his lips turn into a grin, as he too tilted his head to the side.

"You just love the thought of that, don't you?"

Sonny replied with a shrug.

"Trust me when I tell you, you are not the rebound guy. You're the guy I need rebounding from."

Sonny wrapped his arms around her waist, as her hands found their way around his neck, pulling his face to hers, and they were lost in a whirlwind of kisses.


	9. Because of You pt1

**

* * *

**

**Because of You pt.1**

Alexis took her time as she made her way up the stairs of Sam's apartment building. She was still breaking in her new pair of Prada boots, and her feet wished she'd taken the elevator. Alexis' head, however, was doing everything in its power to delay the conversation she was about to have and the consequences that would undoubtedly follow.

Ascending the last step, Alexis walked to Sam's door. Images of the last time she'd been in her daughter's apartment filled her mind.

She sighed. How long would this betrayal haunt her? Or would the images of the hot tub and her living room floor paste themselves onto each other's ends to form a movie reel that would play itself consecutively in slow motion until it drove her insane?

Taking a deep breath, Alexis knocked.

Almost instantly, the door opened.

"Hey."

"Hey."

Her daughter let her in. "Thanks for coming."

Alexis forced herself to sound cheerful: "We can't ignore the elephant in the room forever."

Sam smiled. "So, what would you like to drink? I have water," she said, pointing to the coffee table, "or I can get you something else from the kitchen?"

"Water's fine." Alexis took a glass and sat on the couch.

Sam took her place next to her.

"So?" Alexis inquired.

"So I called you over here to talk—about us. I know we've already talked about everything that happened with Jerry, and Lucky filled you in, but I can still feel this tension between us, and I really want to clear the air. So you can ask me absolutely anything about what happened. I want to put your mind at ease as best I can."

"Okay."

Sam let out a small sigh of relief. "Good, because I don't want anything to stand between us. I want us to be okay. We were doing so well, before ... everything."

"Yeah, we were." Alexis managed a weak smile.

"And I want to get that back. So, yeah, tell me."

"I'm not sure you're going to like what I have to say, Sam."

"That's why we're here. To make things good again. Tell me what the problem is, and I'll find a way to fix it."

Alexis sighed at Sam's naivety. As if everything in this world was fixable.

"You and I—we've been through a lot together."

Sam smiled. "Yes, we have."

"Before we found out we were related, we didn't really see eye to eye—to use a euphemism. When we found out we were mother and daughter, we still didn't see eye to eye."

Sam chuckled.

"But even though we were different and held opposite opinions on just about everything, we tried hard to connect. And yes, it's usually been an uphill climb, but it really seemed like we were getting somewhere."

"We were. We are. Right? You told me you loved me." For the first time since Alexis had arrived, Sam gave signs of uncertainty.

Alexis nodded. "Yes, in the past few years, through all our ups and downs, I've grown to love you. I've also gotten to know you better, and I'd like to think you've gotten to know me too."

Sam nodded.

"But we obviously haven't gotten to know each other well enough to trust one another."

Sam's face fell. "Oh."

"I'm not saying this to hurt you, Sam. But seeing you and Jerry in the hot tub brought back so many memories, so many thoughts and feelings that I thought I had buried for good."

"About Ric and me?"

"Yeah."

Sam looked down. "I'm sorry."

Alexis made an effort to not sound harsh. "I know you are, but that doesn't change what happened or the way I feel."

Sam lifted her gaze to meet Alexis' eyes. Her voice was apologetic, but determined. "Tell me what to do."

"That's just it—I'm not sure there's anything you can do. I love you, Sam. I want you to know that—I do love you. And the irony is that because I love you so much more than I did two years ago, this hurts so much more. And it's not even about Jerry, or you having or not having sex with him. It's about you and me."

"I'm so sorry that I hurt you," Sam said earnestly. "Tell me what I have to do to make you forgive me. I'll do whatever it takes."

"It's not about forgiveness; it's about trust. Whatever trust we had rebuilt is broken."

"And you're saying we can't get it back?"

"I don't know. I want to trust you, I do. I just don't know how." Alexis sighed. "And I'm not sure where that leaves us."

Now, her daughter's voice was cold. "Then there's nothing more to say, is there?"

"Don't do this, Sam." Alexis reached out for her daughter's hand, but Sam quickly pulled it away and got up from the couch. "You are still my daughter, and I do love you."

"But it's not enough. It's never enough with us."

Alexis stood up to face Sam. She thought for a moment before speaking in a softer tone: "I don't want to give up on you. I don't want to give up on us, but you're making it very hard for me to trust you. I don't know what to do. I forgave you the first time—with Ric—I guess I felt it was your way of punishing me for giving you up. Now, with Jerry, you had Lucky to bail you out. But what about the next time, Sam?"

"There won't be a next time."

"That's what we thought after Ric, and here we are again. I know that you believe that, but how would you feel if you were in my shoes?"

"It was the only way—"

"No, Sam, it wasn't the only way. You could've come to me. But no, you went off to seduce a sociopath. Not only was he dangerous, but I was seeing him."

"And you see nothing wrong with sleeping with a sociopath?"

"Sleeping with one is very different than double­-crossing one. And you found out just how different. If it hadn't been for Jason, you'd be dead."

"But I'm not."

"How comforting for me."

"So what are you trying to say?"

"I'm trying to say that you were double-crossing him as much as you were blindsiding me. But what bothers me most is that you still believe that you can only get what you want by using your body."

"I had no choice, it was--"

"You _always_ have a choice." Alexis sighed. "You're so much better than this, Sam."

"Am I?" Sam fixed her eyes on Alexis'. "It's not like you were there to teach me."

"Sam—"

"No, Alexis! I'm not going to stand here and listen to you tell me all the things I can be, all the things I should be—to deserve a mother like you. This is my life—the life that you didn't care about when you gave me up. My body has served me well. It's what I know. It's what I do. It's who I am. So maybe, by your standards, I _am_ pathetic and degraded, just like you always thought I was."

"Don't say that."

"Say what? Use your own words and actions against you? Isn't that what you're doing? Holding Ric over my head even after you made me believe that we'd moved past it."

"We have, but—"

"There's always a but when it comes to me. You may be my biological mother, but you have no right to judge the person that I've become while you were graduating from fancy schools and walking around in your expensive suits—"

"That's not fair!"

"... without a care in the world. And maybe it wouldn't even have mattered if you had raised me, because you thought of me as trash the moment--"

"Sam, stop it!"

"... I was conceived. Is that why you've never told me who my father is? Is that why you abandoned me? Why you handed me over to some stranger that you never even cared enough to meet? Not even to make sure I would be okay?"

One after another, tears rolled down Sam's cheeks, as she fought to control her breathing. "You must be thrilled that I am proving you right."

"That is not true. None of it's true! And you know that. My father made me give you up. I didn't have a choice." Alexis felt her own eyes fill with water, as she tried to blink the tears away.

"Didn't you get the memo, mommie dearest? You _always_ have a choice."

"Really, Sam?! You're comparing my being forced to give you up with your stupid game of cops and robbers with Jerry."

"Now you're calling me stupid?"

"What is this?! What are you doing? Are you trying to cut me off? Do you _want_ me out of your life? Do you want to be off the hook? Or is this some kind of test? A twisted way for me to prove to you once again that I love you in spite of what you do? Well, you've hit the jackpot on this one because I do love you. But I don't trust you, because you broke whatever trust we had! Again! Did you ever think to consider how your actions might make me feel? Or did you just think it was okay because you were doing it for some higher good? Or did I not even factor into your little plan?"

"You know that I hated every single second that I was even in the same room with him, but—"

"But nothing. When there's an opportunity for intrigue, for danger, for excitement, you run after it as if there's no tomorrow. I might even admire your sense of adventure, if you didn't pursue with such blatant disregard for anyone else involved. You always do what you want, damned be the consequences or who gets hurt!"

"Why did you come here? If your mind was already made up about me. Did you come to insult me and my life? Or did you just come to tell me, once again, that I'm trash? And to inform me to stay away from my sisters because you don't want me to poison them with my pathetic and degraded attitude?"

"Leave Kristina and Molly out of this." Alexis' voice was fierce.

"And mama bear jumps to the defense when it's about her precious little daughters."

"They have nothing to do with this."

"They have everything to do with this! They will become the people that you want them to be! But you can't do that with me! That ship sailed the day you abandoned me. When Jason told you who I was, and I was in the hospital, you fought Jason's choices for me—"

"I only wanted what was best for you."

"Best for me by _your_ standards. We hated each other before we found out we were mother and daughter! But you still swooped in as if I was your possession, as if you had a right to claim me, as if you could know what's best for me better than the man I loved, when all you had done up to that point as a mother was give birth to me. And when I got better, thanks to Jason, not you, you did everything in your power to break us up. And you succeeded. But that wasn't enough. You wanted to change me, change who I was. When you realized that you couldn't, that it was too late, you decided to cut your losses. I would never be the perfect daughter, so I wasn't worth your time and your energy. You tried to kick me out of your life, so that you could protect the daughters that _were_ worth your time and your energy. And your love. And your trust."

"I never meant to—"

"You never meant to what? To abandon me? To choose my sisters over me? To call me pathetic and degraded? To say that you forgave me when you didn't? Newsflash, Mother: I never meant to sleep with Ric. And I wasn't going to sleep with Jerry. But does it matter? Does it make a difference? No, it doesn't, because I'm not the daughter I was supposed to be. But guess what? You're not the mother you were supposed to be. Not to me."

Alexis couldn't hold her tears back anymore, as Sam's accusations wedged themselves, like daggers, in her heart. At the age of 11, Alexis had promised herself that no child of hers would ever experience what she'd suffered at the hands of Helena. And if there was one thing that Alexis felt she could be proud of, it was being a good mother. But now, her own flesh and blood stood before her, accusing her of doing everything she had sworn never to do. Sam may not have experienced the extent of Helena's wrath, but it didn't make her pain any less real.

"Tell me, perfect mother, what do we do now? Now that **I **single-handedly shattered your trust into a billion little pieces?"

"I _want_ to be able to trust you, Sam, but you keep giving me reasons not to."

"Right back at you!"

Alexis forced herself to remain silent.

"You're such a hypocrite, Alexis. You never lie. You never cheat. You're virtuous all around. Apart from lying, for years, about Kristina's paternity, because you got knocked up by the town mobster. And then you got knocked up by his brother whose morals are even more questionable. And you're still hiding who my father is. Who could it be? Huh? Considering your track record, probably Hannibal Lecter."

"That's enough."

"Or maybe one of your, or should I say Natasha's, very own half-brothers."

"Shut up, Sam!"

"Dear Stefan or the evil Stavros?"

"You don't know what you're talking about!"

"Or maybe you're not sure?"

"Shut that filthy mouth of yours, or I swear to God I'll ..." Alexis' voice trailed off, as she felt herself begin to shake.

"You'll what? What could you possibly do to me that you haven't already done?

Abandon me? Force me into labor to save your perfect daughter? Let my brother die?"

"Stop it!"

"You hide behind my self-righteous façade and holier-than-thou attitude, thinking you have the right to dictate everyone else's life because you're so much better than them."

"That's not true!"

"Like it wasn't true when you ruined my relationship with Jason? You were free to choose Sonny and Ric, and even psycho Jerry, but I wasn't free to choose Jason?"

"It wasn't like—"

"What else? Oh, yes, I almost forgot that Little Goody Two-Shoes is also a convicted murderer. And then of course, you voluntarily had sex with Jerry after he held half the town hostage, including me. Would you have been so easy to forget if he'd terrorized Molly or Kristina?"

"Kristina was traumatized because of you!"

"She's alive because of me and my dead daughter!"

"Sam--"

"Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Alexis Davis, virtuous indeed."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Maybe I'm developing a split personality. Or maybe I'm faking it. No, wait, you did that too! To get out of serving your sentence. A true officer of the court, you are. Let's all bow down to Saint Alexis."

"Just stop!"

"Wow! Still trying to take the high road. You really love being a martyr, don't you? Alexis Davis—always the victim. Good thing that in these past few years I've learned which buttons to push or we'd be here all day."

"I'm leaving." Alexis began to back away from Sam.

"We're not done yet!"

"I'm done!" She took a deep breath and let it out. "For today."

"Am I too much for you to handle? It must kill you that you can't even control your own daughter." Sam paused, her lips slowly curling into a grin. "You know, I could've done anything I wanted to with Jerry. Anything at all. Who knows how far we would've gone if you hadn't walked in on us."

"You selfish little—" Alexis sentence was cut short by her hands covering her mouth. She had almost said it. She'd almost said just about the worst thing she could ever say to her daughter.

"Selfish little what? Piece of trash? Bitch? Whore? Slut? All of the above? Huh? Say it! I want to hear you say the words, so we can put this charade of a relationship to rest. Say that I'm a whore and a slut! Say it!"

"What is wrong with you?!!"

"Just say it, Alexis! Say that you're ashamed of me!"

"It's not true!"

"Just because you don't say it doesn't mean it's not true! You despise the person that I am! You're ashamed that I'm your daughter! You wish that I had NEVER BEEN BORN!"

The rage that had been bubbling inside of Alexis finally spilled over, as she felt her palm make forceful contact with Sam's wet cheek.

The sting in Alexis' hand was instantly replaced by that in her left cheek, as her head moved to the side with the force of Sam's blow. Her hand instinctively moved to cover the pain, and she felt her entire body shake, as her eyes went back to her daughter's face.

Gasping for breath, Alexis looked in horror at the marks of her own fingers on Sam's cheek. But her daughter stood firm, with her head high.

"Not so easy to wash your hands off me this time around. I can fight back now."

"I have to go," Alexis sobbed between words, as she felt her body shake. "I'm sorry, Sam. I'm so sorry. I have to go." Bumping into the coffee table, she quickly stumbled to the door.

She pulled the door open, while her other hand stifled her uncontrollable cries.

"That's right. Walk away."

The bitterness of Sam's words made Alexis turn. Her arms by her sides, Sam stood, unyielding. Her face was tear-stained, but her expression was defiant.

"Go on, walk away, _Mother_."

Alexis hesitated for a moment, before walking through the doorway. Pulling the door behind her, the lock clicked shut. Her eyes closed in pain and defeat, but her ears heard the resounding yell of her daughter's last words:

"It's what you do best!"

* * *


	10. Because of You pt2

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**Because of You pt.2**

At the docks, Alexis looked into the water below her. The street lamp gave off enough light for her to see her reflection. The reflection of her sad miserable self who had just slapped her eldest daughter and then had run out on her.

"Such a great mother I am."

She spit at her reflection, creating but a brief ripple in the image.

She sighed in defeat. Why did life have to be so hard?

"Alexis?"

She knew that voice. Of course. Who else would be hanging around the docks at night?

She quickly brushed her tears away, but despite her quick blinking, more drops trickled down her cheeks.

"You okay?" Sonny asked as he came closer.

She nodded quickly, but kept her eyes on the water.

"What's wrong?" She heard the concern in his voice.

"Nothing. I don't want to talk about it."

"Hey." His fingers lifted her chin, making her look at him. "How can I help if you don't talk?"

"Maybe I don't want your help. Or anybody's help." Her voice was harsh. Too harsh. "You know how sometimes you just want to be miserable or angry and you don't want others to make you feel better?"

He nodded.

"What am I saying; of course you know what that's like. Anyway, I'm miserable right now, and I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah, okay. Do you want me to leave?"

"Yes—uh—no—uh—I don't know." She shook her head in confusion.

"I'll stay. You didn't exactly pick the safest place in town to be miserable at."

"Smart me."

"So how's Kristina?"

"She's doing well. She's excelling at school in everything except English."

"That must be tough to swallow."

Alexis rolled her eyes. "You have no idea."

"Is it the teacher?"

"No, it's you."

"Me?"

"Yes. The teacher says she sometimes speaks in slang."

Sonny laughed.

"It's not funny."

"Well, I'm glad she won't grow up too snobby."

"I'm not a snob."

"That's what you think." He winked at her.

She smiled. Talking to Sonny about Kristina suddenly made her feel better.

"She's top of her class in all her subjects. Except English, that is."

"She must make you proud."

"I'm very proud of all my daughters," Alexis replied automatically, but when her mind registered the actual words, her harsh exchange with Sam bombarded her senses.

_I'm pathetic and degraded, just like you always thought I was. _

_You're ashamed that I am your daughter!_

_Y__ou wish I had never been born!_

Alexis shut her eyes tightly, her hands moving to her ears, in an attempt to block Sam's voice.

"Hey, what's wrong?" The genuine concern in his voice contrasted with the resentment in Sam's.

Alexis slowly opened her eyes and reluctantly looked at him. "I had a big fight with Sam."

"Okay."

Sonny didn't seem to grasp the severity of the situation.

"A very big fight. Biblical terms."

"Enough to bring the ten plagues?"

"No jokes," Alexis said, her half-smile becoming a sob. She covered her mouth with her hand, but she couldn't stop the sounds from leaving her throat.

"I'm sorry," he said simply, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

She looked up to find him with an earnest expression on his face.

"It was horrible, Sonny."

He squeezed her shoulder.

"I think this is it for us. I don't think we can go back."

"But you've been through so much."

"But you weren't there. This was ... There are no words to explain how horrible it was."

"What happened?"

"She accused me of abandoning her and using her mistakes against her."

"Mm-hm," he prompted her to continue.

"She called me over to clear the residual tension from the Jerry affair, and instead of fixing it I made it worse by telling her that I didn't know how to trust her again. And she accused me of being a horrible mother. And now I don't know what to do. I don't know if there is anything I can do. Maybe Sam and I were never meant to find each other again. Or maybe we were never supposed to get to know each other too well. We're too different. I don't know. I'm so confused."

"Sam is Ric."

Surprised by his statement, Alexis waited.

Sonny didn't continue.

She sighed. "No jokes and no word games."

"Sam is Ric, and Ric is Sam. They're both starved for the unconditional love of a mother."

"Are you trying to say that Sam just needs me to love her?"

Sonny nodded.

"But we've tried that, and it doesn't work. I love her, and then she sleeps with Ric and messes around with Jerry. I still love her, but I don't want to be around her self-destructive behavior because it not only destroys her, but it destroys my life too. And I have two other daughters to consider as well. Of course, she also accused me of choosing Molly and Kristina over her."

"Did you?"

Alexis sighed. "Kind of—I guess so—yes. They're little, of course I'm going to be more protective of them. And the day Sam and Ric slept together—before they slept together—I told her to move out because I didn't want her to poison Molly and Kristina. Today, she repeated it to me. She remembers the exact words that I said. How could I have said to my own daughter that she's degraded? How could I have done that? What kind of a mother am I?!" Alexis felt herself begin to shake and her breathing grew shallow.

"Hey, it's okay," Sonny soothed, forcing Alexis to establish eye contact. "Just breathe."

Alexis closed her eyes briefly, breathing in and out.

"You're a great mother. You just need to work harder with Sam than you do with Molly and Kristina. But I know that you can be a good mother to Sam. You have been a good mother to her."

"I'm not so sure about that. And she definitely doesn't think so."

"She's hurt and upset. Give her time."

"Did you talk to her?"

"No."

"Then how do you know how she's feeling?"

"I tend to believe that inside she is a lot like her mother, and when her mother gets upset, she just needs time, and maybe someone to talk to. But she doesn't give up on people."

Alexis sighed. "Why do you know me so well?" He didn't respond, but there was sympathy in his eyes. Without thinking, she found herself leaning into his embrace. She felt his arms around her, and the real world seemed to float away. "I'm tired, Sonny. I'm really really really tired. I'm tired of all my screwed up relationships, of all the violence in this town, of feeling like a failure as a mother. I'm tired of everything. I'm tired of life. It's so exhausting. I wish I were a bird. Then I could just fly away, and my kids and I would fly in a flock, and no one would care about paternity or adoption." She paused for a moment before continuing, "I don't think that Sam's resentment will ever go away."

Sonny did not reply, but instead rubbed her back in slow circular motions. It felt good to be taken care of for once, instead of doing the caring.

But Alexis' mind couldn't stop turning.

"Aren't you going to say something?" she asked impatiently, freeing herself from his embrace.

"Sam is just pushing and pushing and pushing to see when you'll break and disown her."

"Well, today, I'm not sure that I didn't break."

"What did you say?"

"Well, it wasn't anything that I said, thank goodness, but that didn't stop her from hurling all kind of insults at me. I was so close to calling her a selfish little—oh my God, I almost said it!"

"It's only me here."

"I shouldn't be thinking that about my daughter, let alone saying it."

"If you're thinking it, she probably deserved it."

"I was able to contain myself from insulting her, but when she said that I wished that she had never been born, I just snapped and I slapped her!"

"And then what happened?"

"Then she slapped me."

Holding her chin, Sonny looked over Alexis' cheeks in the dim light. "Some slap. You still have some fingers on your face. But if she slapped you back, that's good, right? You're even."

"But I slapped her first. And you should have heard the things she said to me. She's so full of rage, and I don't even know if I can blame her for being angry. She thinks that she will always be second best to her sisters."

"You have to prove to her that she's not."

"How do I do that?"

"By loving her."

"But I do love her. I've grown to love her in the past few years, which is what makes everything she does more painful."

"But in her eyes you were never supposed to grow to love her, you were supposed to love her all along."

"But how?"

"Why did you forgive Sam after she slept with Ric?"

"I don't know. Guilt, responsibility. Because it felt like the right thing to do."

"But she doesn't want your guilt or for you to do the right thing. She wants your forgiveness and your trust 'cause you're her mother and just 'cause you're her mother—nothing more, nothing less."

"But I'm only human."

"And so is she."

Alexis sighed: Sonny was right.

"Imagine Kristina and Molly all grown up."

"Okay."

"Is there anything they could do that would make you stop loving them?"

"No."

"That would make you unable to forgive them? Unable to trust them?"

"I don't think so. I hope not."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you feel that you'd be able to forgive them anything?"

"Cause they're my daughters. I raised them. I'm their mother. That's what mothers do."

"That's what Sam wants."

"But I didn't raise her. I can't just invent feelings I don't have."

"But you need to find a way to make her feel equal to her sisters."

"How?"

"By learning to love her as your daughter. Not because of what she does or does not do."

"But I thought I was doing that."

"You were trying, but you can't do it if there's still so much hostility between you."

"About Jerry?"

"Jerry, Ric, you choosing Molly and Kristina over her, you giving her up."

"But we've talked about all of that, and I thought we were okay, and then today it all came back."

"Because you never dealt with it. You just went from resentment to forgiveness without doing the hard steps in the middle."

"So you're saying we need to spend a few months fighting and yelling at each other before we can forgive each other?"

"Maybe."

"But I still don't know what to do."

"You know that day in the penthouse when you broke all that stuff in the apartment?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, Sam needs to do that too. She needs to let out all that rage and resentment that she has, towards you, and towards the whole world. But she needs to know that, unlike today, you'll still be there when she's done."

"Like you were there for me."

"Mm-hmm. But how much more would that moment have been for you if it had been your mother instead of me?"

Alexis nodded slowly, finally grasping what Sonny was saying. It didn't matter how old she was, she would never stop missing her mother. Just like Sam might never get over having been abandoned.

"She needs you to just be there. To not give up on her, no matter what she does."

"But why is it all on me? Why am I the one that has to accept all her mistakes, but she can throw mine in my face whenever she wants?"

"You know why."

Alexis sighed. "Because I'm her mother."

"This is just something that you have to do."

"But she's responsible too."

"She is, and she knows that—we're aware of our mistakes, even when we try to defend them—but she needs you to reach out."

"I was—I am—I'm trying. But I keep failing. Like today." Alexis' exchange with Sam filled her mind once again. Her felt her eyes fill with water, as she tried to blink it away.

"Hey." His voice was soothing, as his arms opened and Alexis fell into them once again, the tears falling down her face.

"How do I fix it, Sonny? How do I help my daughter?" she cried, unable to stifle the emotions that had been building up all night.

He held her tightly, as if telling her that he wouldn't let go.

Sonny was being there for her. Again. Like she hadn't been for Sam only an hour ago.

"But what if I can't help her? What if I can't save her? What if I can't save my daughter?"

Alexis sobbed as she clung onto Sonny, letting herself be weak for a change, needing to be weak, just for a little while, knowing that he would be her strength.

* * *


	11. Because of You pt3

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Because of You pt.3

"Better?" he asked, as she pulled out of his embrace.

She gave him a little smile. "Just out of tears." She took a few deep breaths. "I really need to figure out this thing with Sam, don't I?"

He nodded.

"But it's _so_ hard."

"I know," he said gently, "but you have a lot more to lose by not figuring it out." He stopped briefly before continuing. "I know you, Alexis, and I know that if you don't fix this, if you don't at least try, and you lose Sam, you will regret it for the rest of your life. And then there's Kristina and Molly. Do you want Sam to resent her sisters? Right now she may resent the whole world and you, but she doesn't resent her sisters. But as they grow older and she sees them getting everything from you that you never gave her, she _will_ start resenting them. And she'll turn into Ric."

"Ric ..." Alexis thought about her unresolved issues with her ex-husband. Most of the time, she maneuvered through their conversations like a soldier with a hand grenade walking through a minefield.

"Yeah, Ric."

"But what about you? Why haven't you ever done anything to fix your relationship with Ric?"

Sonny seemed surprised by her sudden question. He rubbed his chin.

"I'm not accusing you; I just want to know why you never tried."

"Because it's not in my power. His source of anger is because of what our mother did, not what I did. He feels she chose me over him. And because of that, he doesn't trust me. So any good intention of mine, he will perceive as having an ulterior motive. And our mother ... she's gone."

"But I'm still here. Is that what you're trying to say?"

Sonny nodded. "Ric and I have hated each other for a long time, but it all boils down to our mother. And she's not here to tell him otherwise. And because he resents me so much, I don't think there's anything that I can do to fix it."

"But don't you ever wish that your relationship were different?"

"Sometimes. When I let myself think about it. Or when I think about my mother." Sonny averted his eyes for a brief moment. "He is my brother, but he's not my child and he's not my parent, so the connection is different, and so is the motivation. It would be good to have a real brother, but it's not the most important thing for me. For him it is, because I'm his connection to our mother. And I'm to blame for her not raising him. And he won't be able to let go of it until—in his head—he beats me at something for good. He thought he would do it through you, but his obsession with me cost him his life with you."

Alexis nodded, as she remembered all the hurt and pain of her marriage with Ric. Love had not been enough. Love was never enough with her. She sighed.

"So you don't really care about Ric?"

Sonny rubbed his chin again. "How did this suddenly become about me and Ric?"

Alexis smiled. "It's called reciprocity. I talk to you, and then you talk to me."

"I think you just like good gossip."

Alexis felt herself laugh for the first time that day. "I think you're avoiding the question. You either don't care about Ric and you don't want me to think that you're cold-hearted, or you care, but you're trying to hide that you're actually a decent human being."

Sonny laughed. "You're dangerous."

Alexis smiled. "Without pointing out the irony of _you _calling _me _dangerous, you're still avoiding the question."

"What if I told you that I hate my brother, but if I hate him that means I must still care."

"I would say that you're a decent human being."

"Shhh. Don't say it out loud."

She tilted her head slightly. "It's only me here."

He smiled.

A short silence followed, as she held his gaze. In spite of everything, she still understood him, and he still understood her.

"Besides, no one would ever believe me if I told them how good you are with all this emotional stuff."

"The wisdom of experience," he said, almost wistfully.

She sighed. "Parents can really screw everything up."

"But they can also make things better. We all have the need for our parents to validate us. Why do you think I agreed to accept Mike into my life again even after hating him all my life? Because I needed to know why. I needed to try to understand why things happened the way they did. And if he was sorry, like he said he was, then I needed him to not walk out on me again. Ever. The same way that Morgan will one day want to know why I wasn't around to raise him."

Sonny grew quiet, looking towards the water.

Alexis' hand brushed his arm. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

He nodded in acknowledgement.

After another moment of silence, he looked at her and smiled. "Maybe things will change for the better."

"I hope so."

"So back to you and Sam."

Alexis sighed. "I'm really scared that I won't know how to make things right."

"You just need to give yourself time to think about it."

"But if I start thinking and analyzing I'll never stop and I won't do anything. That's why my personal life is non-existent. I think and I think and then I don't do anything about it."

"Then give yourself a deadline."

"Like a specific date?"

"More like a specific day. It needs to happen this week. Sam is a ticking bomb right now. You need to react before she does something. If you don't reach out soon, she'll be even more hurt and then she'll get mad, and, unlike you, she doesn't think things through, so she'll do something stupid and then you'll just have another problem to deal with."

"Why do you make it sound as if I'm responsible for her behavior?"

"Because she's hurt and mad at you—because of you. And even if her actions are her responsibility, whatever she does will affect you. Whether you like it or not. And if you don't work things out, Sam will find it very difficult to do anything in her life that is not a reaction to her unresolved feelings towards you."

"And that will destroy her. Like it destroyed Ric."

Sonny nodded. "And what will you tell Kristina and Molly when they're older? How will you explain to them that their sister did something that you couldn't forgive?"

"And they'll be afraid that they might do something that I wouldn't be able to forgive."

"Exactly." His voice softened. "And what about you, Lex? You had to turn your back on her once, not out of choice, but you still did it. Do you really think you could do it again and remain whole?"

_... __do it again and remain whole? ... do it again and remain whole? ... do it again and remain whole?_

The question echoed in her head, but her answer was clear. Sonny was right. Giving Sam up had been the single hardest thing she'd ever had to do. No, she couldn't turn her back on her daughter. Not now. Not ever.

"But what if she doesn't want to talk to me anymore, after today." Despite her willingness, Alexis was still filled with doubts.

"She will."

"But you weren't there earlier. It was horrible. We'd never fought like that before. Not even after Ric."

"Sam cares too much to walk away. Why do you think she keeps coming back to you?" He added, sadly, "Kids always come back."

Alexis finally got it. Sonny hoped that one day his children would be able to forgive him, just like he'd forgiven Mike. Because he'd cared too much not to forgive his father. Just like she'd hoped that Sam would be able to forgive her. But if Sonny was right, Sam cared too much to not forgive.

"For the first time in a long time, I think that Sam and I could actually figure things out."

He smiled. "Good."

"You always _were _good at calming me down."

"And I didn't even need a paper bag."

She punched him lightly in the arm. "You really helped me tonight."

"You and me—we get each other."

"Yes, we do." She smiled. "I should be getting home."

Sonny nodded.

He leaned in and his lips gently met hers.

It was nothing more than a touch of the skin. A chaste kiss that lingered.

She felt a warm feeling temper her surprise, and as he pulled back, her hand found his and their fingers interlaced.

"If you need to talk, you know where to find me." He squeezed her hand before letting go. "I'll even throw in a cup of my very best coffee."

"In that case, how can I refuse?"

His dimpled smile appeared.

In a softer voice, she added, "But thank you. Really. I owe you one."

"We'll find a way to put that to good use."

"Sonny!"

"What?" he asked innocently.

"You are impossible," she replied, smiling, slowly walking away.

"And you are a wonderful mother. Don't let anyone prove otherwise."

* * *


	12. Because of You pt4

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**Because of You pt.4**

Seated at her office desk, Alexis glanced at the clock again.

_A__lmost 2._

Her eyes moved to her cell phone screen. Still nothing.

She sighed.

Grabbing the phone, Alexis punched in a familiar combination of numbers.

First ring. Second ring. Third ring. Fourth ring. Voicemail.

_Great. Just great._

Today was not turning out to be a good day.

_Stupid phone._

She lifted her arm in a desire to hurl the phone across the office and have it smash against the door. Instead, she tossed the device into the other chair.

_Like I __need the added headache of a new phone._

She glared at it.

_It took me long enough __to get used to you. You, stupid, idiotic phone. Just ring already. Isn't that your sole function? To ring? _

_Well, okay, you store data__, and you can email, and people talk through you. But none of that makes any difference if you don't ring. Alexander Graham Bell would be ashamed of you, you stupid, ringingless phone!_

Alexis closed her eyes.

_I'm talking to a phone. Correction: I'm insulting a phone. __What is wrong with me?_

She let out another sigh and looked down at the papers on her desk. She was still stuck on the same file since morning. No, it was definitely not a good day.

Suddenly, the phone rang.

Alexis scrambled out of her chair to reach for her cell phone.

Hopeful, she glanced at the screen before answering.

"Hi, Sonny," she said, her tone deflated.

"Don't sound so happy."

"Sorry."

"Didn't you just call me?"

"Oh, yes, I did. Sorry."

"Stop apologizing. What's going on?"

"Well, I called Sam and she didn't pick up, so I texted her, and she still hasn't replied."

"And?"

"And what do I do now? You said she would still want to talk to me and she obviously doesn't. I expected a yes or a no, but I didn't factor in her completely ignoring me."

"Maybe she hasn't gotten the message yet."

"I sent it over two hours ago. She can't still be sleeping. She's purposefully ignoring me. What should I do?"

"What did you say?"

"That I think we should talk again, and I asked if we could meet at 5.30, after I got off from work."

"There's still plenty of time until 5.30."

"So you think she _is_ doing it on purpose?"

"Does it matter what I think?"

"You're supposed to be helping."

"Do you want me to go talk to her?"

"No, of course not. That would just make things worse."

"Okay."

"Sonny!"

"What?"

"Don't get any crazy ideas about going to talk to her. This is something that we have to do on our own, without half the town meddling. I mean—not that you're meddling, but just stay away from her. I mean—don't talk to her. I mean—"

"I know what you mean, Alexis."

"Okay, good. So I should sit tight and wait?"

"Yes. And don't start panicking until at least five."

"And what if she still hasn't called by then?"

"Then call me."

"Okay, I can do that."

"Good. You gonna be okay?"

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?"

Sonny laughed. "Just remember, no panicking."

"No panicking."

"We'll talk later?"

"Yeah."

She hung up, and looked down at her desk again.

_B__ack to work._

**. . .**

Half an hour later, Alexis was still stuck on the same piece of administrative paper. Her eyes kept wandering to the—once again—silent phone Bell would be ashamed of.

She wished she could just call Sam. But she forced herself to sit tight.

_Sit tight. What __kind of an expression is that? Can one sit loosely?_

A knock at the door saved her from an argument with the English language.

"Delivery for Ms. Alexis Davis."

"That's me."

"Sign here."

She signed and was given two large boxes.

Placing them on her desk, she reached for the card on the blue box.

"_To help your stomach sit tight."_

She opened the box to find a variety of snacks.

_A__ll healthy._ _Of course._

It held everything from baby carrots and celery sticks to cheese squares and shelled almonds.

Alexis noticed a plastic box marked "dessert". Taking off the lid, she found strawberries and chocolate syrup. She laughed.

_That man __is truly impossible._

Biting into a strawberry, she turned her attention to the other box.

She read the card: "_To help your brain sit tight."_

The box contained a sizeable pile of periodicals. She picked up the first one: The Yale Law Journal.

_He knows me too well._

One by one, she took the little magazine-books out of the box: Harvard Law Review, Columbia Law Review, and Women's Rights Law Reporter.

_All e__xcellent picks, Sonny__._

Alexis continued to nod to herself, finding the Economist and the American Anthropologist.

She leafed through both periodicals.

_Good. __A lot of articles about the election._

Next, she picked up an unfamiliar looking magazine: International Feminist Journal of Politics. She chuckled.

_That Sonny__._

Then Alexis pulled out the latest issue of TIME magazine. The same one which had been staring at her from the supposed-to-be condiment shelf for the past three mornings. She'd planned to take it to the office with her but it kept slipping her mind. Now, she had a copy at her house and in her office.

_Maybe this day is still salvageable._

She nodded to herself.

_Hmm, w__hat else do we have in here?_

Alexis raised her eyebrows at issues of TV Guide and Rolling Stone.

_Truly a__ well-rounded collection._

She shrugged mentally.

_A__t least Molly and Kristina can cut the pictures out._

Alexis leafed through the music magazine.

_Note to self: check for nudity and language__ first._

She reached into the box for the last item.

_Oooooh, Cosmo! _

_Wait a minute. Cosmo?_

_Have I told him about Cosmo?_

She couldn't remember.

Sitting comfortably in her chair, Alexis turned the first page of Cosmopolitan. With the snack box to her right, Alexis nibbled on a baby carrot as her eyes took in the colorful glossy pages. It had been a while since she'd taken the time to read the magazine anywhere besides waiting rooms.

She remembered the distinct moment she first laid her eyes on Cosmo. It was just after winter break of her freshman year at boarding school, and rumors were circulating that one of the girls from her class had finally gotten her hands on an issue of the infamous magazine. It had been forbidden reading, of course, and, if discovered, it resulted in corporal punishment. Older sisters regularly sent grown-up magazines and books to their younger sisters still stuck in the strict institution. However, Cosmo girls, as they were called, guarded their copies fiercely, and only their inner circle was privy to the magazine. In rare occasions, Cosmos would be rented for money or homework to the outer circle. But up until the second semester, Alexis had not been in either circle. So when one of her classmates finally became a Cosmo girl, it was Alexis' chance. After two weeks of groveling, the girl finally agreed to rent the issue to Alexis in exchange for a week of Math and Social Studies homework. Alexis still remembered the girl's name: Michelle Cohen. After that first hurdle, Alexis got to read the Cosmos right after Michelle, in return for homework, of course. For young Alexis, Cosmo was a way to escape from her family-fearing life and snobby school environment. In Cosmo world, she was no longer the poor Cassadine relative, despised and tormented by Helena, nor the girl that never got packages from home and who preferred to remain at the school for the holidays. Instead, she became Cinderella at the night club—possibilities galore.

Back then, Alexis would read her rented Cosmos from cover to cover in a matter of hours. Every time she turned the last page, the clock struck twelve, and once again she was the ugly little orphan among rich Cosmo girls.

Still, it was a fond memory amid all the Cassadine drama.

Alexis smiled.

_I wonder what_ _happened to Michelle Cohen._

She picked up her pen as she proceeded to fill out one of the quizzes: _Do you put your career before men?_

_I put **everything** in my life before men._

But once again, she was Cinderella at the night club—the possibilities were endless.

* * *


	13. Because of You pt5

Thank you to those who've read and left feedback. As Ayshen says, comments/reviews are love.

If you're taking the time to read this, please let me know what you think. I really appreciate reviews :)

So sorry for the long wait. Exams again. Ugh. Anyway, daily updates from now on, until "Because of You" ends with Part 8.

This chapter is still Alexis centric (when last we left her she was reading Cosmo). The next one is ALL SamLexis.

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**Because of You pt.5**

Alexis jumped at the double beep of her phone.

She scanned her desk surface, but she couldn't see it. Getting up, she looked around the desk. Then under it. Nothing.

She picked up her office phone and dialed her cell phone number.

The phone started ringing again. It was below the box lid.

Quickly, her thumb found the message: _5.30. My apartment._

Alexis checked the clock: 4.30.

_She's agreed to meet me. __That's good, right? But why is the message so curt? What am I going to do?_

She quickly dialed another familiar number.

"Everything okay, Lex?" He sounded concerned.

"Sam texted me. She wants to meet me."

"That's good, right?" he echoed her own thoughts.

"Yeah, but her message was so curt. She just said the time and place. It sounds more like a summons."

"One step at a time."

"So what do I do?"

"Well, you finish work, and you go."

"But what if I screw it up? What if I say the wrong thing? What if she doesn't believe me?"

"Do you know what you want to say?"

"Yes. I rehearsed all night."

"And you have contingency plans for her possible reactions?"

"Yes."

"See, you're prepared."

"But what if—"

"Think of it as court. You've done your homework, you've prepped your witnesses, you've rehearsed your opening statement, and now you're ready for the trial to start."

"But what if she reacts in a way that I didn't plan for?"

"Alexis, you know her. You know the way she reacts to things. I'm sure that she will react within the four scenarios that you planned for."

"Five. I have five scenarios."

She heard him stifle a chuckle. "See? You're prepared."

"But—"

"What do you do if a witness testifies differently than you expect?"

"I use the information that I have to figure it out as I go along."

"And that's what you'll do with Sam."

"How do you make life sound so easy?"

"Feeling better now?" She could hear that he was smiling.

"Actually, yes. Thank you. And thanks for the periodicals. And the food."

"Did it do the trick?"

Alexis smiled. "You have no idea."

"Good."

"So, you'll be okay?"

"I think so. I'll let you know how it goes."

"Remember, all you have to do is keep trying."

"Thank you."

She hung up and proceeded to organize her desk. A bittersweet emotion filled her as she piled up the periodicals.

_Would anyone else __ever know her as well as Sonny did?_

_Would she ever let anyone else in?_

She couldn't be sure, but it was because of times like today and yesterday that she could never regret letting him in.

Sitting down in her chair again, she closed the almost-read Cosmo, and with renewed energy threw herself into the file she was supposed to be working on.

**. . .**

At exactly 5 p.m., Alexis shut the file, satisfied that she had managed to do at least some work today.

She punched another familiar number into her office phone.

_I'm __so impressed with myself for remembering all these phone numbers. _

"Yes, hi, Viola. I'm calling to make sure that everything's okay for this evening."

"Yes, everything's fine. The girls have eaten. Kristina is doing their homework, and Molly is coloring. A cartoon and a bit of ice-cream after dinner, and then to bed."

"Exactly. Thank you so much, Viola."

"And you are not to be disturbed unless it's an emergency?"

"Yes. I need to talk to Sam, and ... yeah, just in case of an emergency. Can you put the girls on?"

"Hi, Mommy," Molly's little voice boomed through the loudspeaker.

"Hi, sweetie. How was preschool today?"

"Goooooood. A b'day party."

"There was a birthday party?"

"Mm-hm. I have balloons!"

"You got a balloon? What color?"

"Two balloons! Blue and gween."

"That's great, honey. You be a good girl for Viola tonight and tomorrow we'll do something special, okay?"

"Yay!" Molly replied cheerfully.

"Put Kristina on."

"Kwistinaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Molly yelled, her voice reverberating through the loudspeaker.

"Comiiiiiiiiiing!" Alexis heard Kristina yell back.

_So much for them growing up to be __soft-spoken._

"Hi, Mommy."

"Hi there, big girl. How was school?"

"This girl in my class is really stupid. She says—"

"Kristina," Alexis warned. "What did we say about calling people names?"

"Uh, okay. This girl in my class is really—uh—not smart. She ..."

_God help me._

"... brags all the time how rich she is, and how she'll have a big sleepover party. And then she goes around saying who she won't invite. She's really—uh—not smart."

_Wh__o does this girl think she is?_

"So she doesn't want to invite you?"

"No," Kristina replied quietly.

_I should sue that school for the emotional damage it's inflicting on Kristina after all the money __we pay them._

"Well, then you'll just have to make a bigger and better sleepover party."

"But, Mommy, she's really rich. Like really. She goes skiing _every_ winter, and she goes to Europe _every_ summer."

"Well, we'll just have to figure something out, won't we?"

"I guess so," Kristina replied glumly.

"What if we ask your daddy for help?"

"Really?" Kristina always lit up when there was talk of Daddy. It only served to increase Alexis' guilt about Sonny's role in her daughter's life.

"We'll talk about it. We have to ask him first."

"About Daddy helping with the sleepover party?"

"Yes," Alexis reluctantly agreed.

_A sleepover party with a bunch of snobby rich 8-year-olds__ and my ex-something. What am I getting myself into?_

"You promise to ask him?"

"I promise."

"I won't forget, Mommy."

Alexis laughed. "I know. Now be a good girl for Viola tonight."

"Why aren't you coming home again?" Kristina asked, her voice becoming sad again.

_Because I'm choosing your big sister over you this evening?_

"I have to talk to Sam, honey."

"But you talked to her yesterday. Why can't she come over and you can talk here?"

"Because we have a lot of grown-up talk to do."

"But I'm a big girl, Mommy. You always say so."

"That's right, my big girl. But you know how sometimes you and I take a walk in the park on our own, when Molly is with her daddy?"

"Yeah, it's our alone time."

"So now I need some alone time with your big sister."

"But she got alone time yesterday. And today. What about me?"

_Can someone please clone me?_

"How about tomorrow, I take you and Molly to Toys R Us, and after Molly falls asleep, we can read or we can watch something."

"Or we can plan the sleepover party."

"Or we can do that."

"Is that a deal?"

"But after Toys R Us, we have dinner at McDonald's," Kristina negotiated.

If _Sonny only knew ..._

Alexis sighed. "Okay."

"Yes!" Kristina exclaimed.

_All the ways mothers sell t__heir souls. And giant corporations just lie in wait._

"But ..." Alexis had a condition of her own.

"What?"

"But you have to finish your homework by the time I get back from work tomorrow."

"That's easy, Mommy! I thought you would say something harder."

_Am I a pushover mother?_

"Oh, and can you invite Sam to my sleepover party? She never comes to visit. Does she not like us anymore?"

_I am a __terrible terrible mother._

"Of course she likes you, honey. You're her sisters. It has nothing to do with you; she's just been very busy. But I'll invite her, and I'll do everything I can to make her come to the party."

"Yay. None of the girls at my school have a big big sister, like I have Sam. Like really biiiiiiiiiig sister."

_Yes, I know__, she's old enough to be your mother. And in a couple of years you'll be aware of it too._

"You'll come to say good night when you come back? Like you do every time? Even if I'm asleep?"

Alexis smiled. "Always, big girl. I love you."

"I love you too. And Molly wants to say something."

Molly's voice once again echoed through the speaker phone, "I love you, Mommy!"

"I love you too, Molly. I'll see you, girls, tomorrow."

"Bye."

Alexis hung up.

She smiled and sighed at the same time.

_W__hat am I going to do when Molly is old enough to request her alone time?_

Glancing at the clock again, Alexis quickly collected her things.

There was a knock at the door.

_Now what?_

"Yes?" she yelled, grabbing her handbag.

"Delivery for Ms. Alexis Davis."

_Again?_

The delivery man had brought two brown paper bags.

Placing them on her desk, she looked inside. One held two big cups of coffee, with her name on one and Sam's on the other. The coffee was still hot. The second bag held six big chocolate-chip cookies.

Alexis smiled, looking for a note. Her phone double beeped.

She read the message: _"Never go into a war zone without a peace offering."_

Alexis smiled, as her eyes moved to the ceiling.

_I don't know __why I'm getting so many mixed signals today, but whoever you are up there, thank you for putting Sonny in my path. And thank you for letting him be the good man that I know him to be. And please let everything work out with Sam. I'm really trying, but I need some help. And, you know, the usual, keep all my girls safe._

After her little impromptu prayer, Alexis grabbed her things, and closed her office for the night.

She walked to her car in long steady steps.

Yes, she was going into a war zone. But she had every intention of brokering a peace agreement equitable to both sides. And her white flag was in the two paper bags Sonny had sent.

_This time__, I'm not giving up. Rain or shine._

* * *


	14. Because of You pt6

A/N: Didn't I promise daily updates?

* * *

**Because of You pt.6**

Once again, Alexis found herself walking up the stairs of Sam's apartment building. Feeling both apprehensive and hopeful, she took the stairs, but this time she wasn't dragging her feet.

She mentally crossed her fingers as she knocked on the door.

She heard Sam move inside, but it took her half a minute before she opened the door.

"Hi," Alexis said, smiling.

"Hi," Sam replied. Coldly.

"How are you?"

"Fine."

"I brought coffee and cookies," Alexis said, forcing herself to remain cheerful in spite of her daughter's rebuff. She held out the coffee for Sam.

Her daughter accepted and let Alexis in.

Sam sat on the far end of the couch, as she sipped on the coffee.

"You got my favorite." It sounded more like a scientific observation than a thank you.

"Caramel mocha with whipped cream, right?"

Sam nodded.

Alexis tried her own coffee. It was her favorite too. Sonny sure could move heaven and earth if he wanted to.

"So?" Sam's tone of voice was still cold.

"So, I thought we could talk about what happened yesterday."

"It happened. What's there to talk about?"

"Maybe we could talk about the reasons why it happened?"

"We both know the reasons. I don't have anything new to say."

"But I do."

"So talk."

Alexis sighed mentally. "First of all, I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. And I'm going to keep saying that until you believe me. I love you, Sam. I love you. I. Love. You.

"Secondly, I want I want us to work things out." She paused for emphasis. "I _really_ want us to work things out. I may be a mess when it comes to love and romance, and that's fine because I'm obviously not very good at that, but I know I can be a good mother if you let me try. And there's so much more to us than yesterday. That was us at our worst. But I want us to make it to us at our best. I believe that we can. I want to try. But I need you to try too."

She stopped for a moment.

Sam remained quiet, avoiding her eyes.

"We're not touchy feely people. At least not with each other and that's part of the problem. Our relationship consists of coming to each other's rescue when there's a crisis. When there isn't, we usually fall back into neutral conversations because we're both so afraid of facing the real issues. The things that we haven't resolved yet. We sweep them under the rug and pretend they didn't happen. But they did and we need to deal with them.

"There are so many things we never really discussed. Not to a point where we're both okay with them, and that's another part of the problem. Yesterday proved that there are a lot of issues we're not okay with it, but we just tiptoe around them, afraid of setting off an explosion. And because of that, a part of me is really glad that yesterday happened. We needed to put everything in the open, put our cards on the table, so to speak, so that we can move forward. And I so want us to move forward. I want us to deal with our issues so that we don't have to tiptoe anymore. So that we can talk about anything, because that's the kind of relationship that I'd like us to have."

Alexis waited, but Sam stayed quiet, still avoiding eye contact.

"Is there anything you'd like to say?"

"No."

"Do you want me to stop?"

"It's up to you." Her tone of voice was disinterested.

Alexis sighed. She had to continue. She had to keep going until she got through to her. "I believe that we can still build a real relationship, but if we want it to work we have to put in the effort. We need routine, not crises. And we can't just pretend that we're a normal mother and daughter, because we're not and we both have to accept that we never will be—not the way we should be. But that doesn't mean that we can't be better in a different way."

Sam finally looked at her. "What do you mean?"

"Well, we can be there for each other, not just as mother and daughter, but as friends. I'd really like us to be like friends. But if we're going to let go of all the blame and resentment, we both need to be in this 100%."

Again, Sam said nothing.

"Sam ..."

Still nothing.

Alexis sighed. "I'm really trying here, but I need you to try too."

She could see her daughter hesitate.

Alexis nodded in encouragement.

"Well ... okay."

There it was. Acknowledgement. Acceptance. The tone of Sam's voice suggested that her resistance was faltering.

Alexis smiled. "Good. Because I can't be a good mother if I'm not a good mother to all my daughters."

In an instant, Sam's anger resurfaced. "I'm not going to be your pity project, so that you can call yourself a real mother!"

Alexis was shocked. "I didn't mean it that way. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Sam. I'm trying. I am trying. _So_ hard. But I don't seem to know how. Or you don't see it. Or it just comes out wrong. I want us to work things out, but I don't know what to do."

Alexis felt the water in her eyes. Maybe it had been a bad idea, talking to Sam so soon. Maybe this was her last chance. Their last chance. And she was messing everything up. Again.

Barely above a whisper, Sam replied, "I don't know either." The helplessness in her eyes matched the one she felt in her heart.

"But I want to try. I want to try to try. But how do we do that?"

"We both seem to be clueless."

"Yeah. That's the word, clueless."

"Well, we're on new territory."

Sam smiled. "New territory always makes me think of Pilgrims."

"And Pilgrims always make me think of Thanksgiving."

"And Thanksgiving means being grateful."

"I'm grateful that we found each other."

Sam nodded.

"Aren't you?"

"Yeah, but we can't seem to get a break, and we just established that we're both clueless. It doesn't make me feel very thankful."

"Maybe ... maybe we can start with what we do know."

Sam gave her a questioning look.

Alexis moved across the couch to sit next to her daughter, as she took one of her hands in hers. "In the afternoons, you like your mocha. In the mornings, on an empty stomach, you prefer vanilla lattes. And in the warm months you love your cinnamon frappucinos. You drink a lot of coffee. Like me."

For the first time that evening, her daughter smiled. Alexis couldn't help but smile back. Her heart leapt with joy.

"Remember the time when I was trying to make that tape for Kristina and Molly at the lake house and you calmed me down because I was such a mess?"

Sam nodded.

"That was my first real glimpse into you. When you told me everything that you wanted to hear from me. And at the time I wasn't in a good enough place to give you that. But now I am, and I want to. And you matter, Sam, you matter more than you can ever know. And that's why we need to work this out. Because I don't want you to just hear that I love you. I want you to know it and to feel it. In there," she said, pointing to Sam's heart.

Alexis could feel that her eyes were filled with water, but she didn't care.

Sam placed her other hand over Alexis'. "You know what my moment was? The day we were locked in at the courthouse and you talked to me about your baby. You talked to me about me and you didn't even know it was me. And you said you'd thought about me every morning and every night, and that you used to write me letters. And I really wanted to tell you I was your daughter then, but the officer came and you left and ..."

Alexis squeezed Sam's hand, the quiet overtaking the moment, as they gathered their thoughts.

"After I gave you up I thought I'd never be a mother again. I felt so guilty, and I didn't think that I would be able to live with myself knowing that I was a mother to my second child, but not to my first. And I was always very careful not to get pregnant again. I really was. And then Sonny came along, and I found myself pregnant and I was so confused. I didn't know what to do. And then when my sister died my world broke. I fell apart. And if it hadn't been for the pregnancy, I think I would've had a mental breakdown. Everyone I loved was taken away from me. First my mother and my sister, and then you, and then my sister again, and I just couldn't lose anyone else. And I promised myself that I would be the best mother I knew how. And being pregnant with Kristina turned out to be such a blessing, and it reminded me so much of being pregnant with you."

"Really?" Sam said, as Alexis noticed her blinking away the tears.

"Mm-hm. I may have buried all my feelings for you when I had to give you up, but they resurfaced when I was pregnant with your sisters, because it reminded me so much of you. But you are all so different, even while still in my womb. You know, you always used to kick when I played disco music. And when I played classical music, you'd fall asleep."

Sam was surprised. "Oh, yeah?"

Alexis nodded.

"Well, that does sound like me," Sam said. "What about Kristina?"

"Ned tried playing his music, and I tried disco, but neither worked. And one day I was at Kelly's and I told Mike, and he gave me a CD. And it was the only music that ever got her to kick on cue."

"What was it?"

"Salsa."

Sam rolled her eyes. "She is her father's daughter."

"That she is." Alexis smiled.

"You know, Lila liked disco music too. Actually, she liked any music as long as the subwoofer was on. She would have been a real dancing queen."

Alexis nodded, still holding onto her daughter's hand.

"I still think of her, you know. And I wonder what she would be doing right now. What she would look like. And what it would be like to drive her to kindergarten, and make her dinner ... because I would've learned to cook properly. I was planning to ... And I imagine her all grown up, going to university, meeting boys ... But I can't imagine myself as her mother when she's an adult. Isn't that strange?"

"Mm-hm." Alexis rubbed Sam's hand in slow soothing motions.

"But anyway," Sam said, shaking her head. "What about Molly? What kind of music did she like?"

"Molly ..." Alexis smiled at the memory. "Well, Ric had read some article about the Mozart effect—that classical music is good for developing Math skills or something, and you know what they say about lawyers ..."

"What?"

"That they only go into law 'cause there's no Math in it. And it's probably true." Alexis chuckled. "So after I found out I was pregnant he went and bought all of Mozart's deluxe edition CDs—everything the man had ever composed. And we had every single piece performed by at least three different orchestras, or whoever plays his compositions."

"Did she kick?"

"Well, poor Molly didn't have much of a choice, because Ric confiscated all the other music from the house, even Kristina's Disney tapes, so we all had to listen to Mozart for six whole months. I never thought I'd be so happy to hear music from the Lion King again."

"But she's good in Math, isn't she?"

"She's very good. But somehow I think it has more to do with the fact that Viola lets her do Math homework by counting candy and eating it afterwards."

"She sure does love her sugar."

"She got that from me."

"Didn't we all?"

Alexis smiled. "And you're all special to me. Equally." She paused for emphasis. "I love you, Sam, and even if I didn't raise you, we already have a history together. And yes, some of that history makes our relationship more difficult, but that history has also made us stronger and appreciative of what we do have."

Sam remained silent, but the tears trickling down her cheeks told Alexis that she believed her.

"You know what your favorite song was?"

"Mm?"

"I Will Survive. It was the song of the year, and in the last few months of my pregnancy, you kicked so hard that it hurt. That's when I started calling you my survivor baby." Alexis smiled. "And what a survivor you've grown up to be. I'm _so_ proud of you."

Sam gave her a little smile.

"And we need to find a way to work through our differences. A way that works for the both of us, so that we can start communicating about the hard things ... We'll never be free of them unless we deal with them. Together."

"Okay," Sam said quietly.

Alexis let out a sigh of relief. "Okay."

A moment of quiet.

"So you want _me_ to start?" Sam asked in surprise.

"If you want."

"Okay." Sam exhaled. "Okay." Another breath. "I'm just going to blurt it out, okay?"

Alexis nodded.

"I'll never be able to live up to your expectations of me! There. I said it." Sam's voice conveyed nonchalance, but her body language proved otherwise.

Alexis made an effort to keep her voice gentle. "What kind of expectations do you think that I have?"

Sam let out a short hollow laugh. "Now you sound like a shrink."

Alexis was quiet.

"Expectations of being the good daughter. I look at Molly and Kristina, and they will become the daughters that you want them to be, but I won't because I can't be what you want me to be. I'll never be what you want me to be." Sam lowered her gaze to her lap. "And I'll always be second best in your eyes."

"Oh, Sam, come here ..." Alexis pulled her daughter into a hug.

And in the refuge of her mother's embrace, Sam finally let go, her quiet cries turning into loud sobs, until they were all Alexis could hear.

Few things in her life had hurt more than watching her daughter fall apart because of her.

She stroked Sam's hair, willing the pain away. Holding onto her shaking body, she let her daughter cry and cry ... just like the day she was born.

* * *


	15. Because of You pt7

Thank you, Kayla, for reading and reviewing :)

* * *

**Because of You pt.****7**

Curled up in a fetal position on the couch, with her head in Alexis' lap, Sam's sobs were gradually replaced by sniffles, as she tried to catch her breath. Alexis continued to run her fingers through her daughter's hair. It was as much a comfort to Alexis, as she hoped that it was to Sam. She only wished that she could do more.

Moving her head slightly, Sam looked at Alexis. "You're crying too."

Alexis gave her a small smile, wiping the tears away.

"Look at us: a couple of crybabies," Sam joked.

"I won't tell if you don't."

A companionable silence followed, as Alexis wondered what to say.

"You know," she began quietly, "just because my relationships with Molly and Kristina are easier doesn't make ours any less important."

"But I'll still never be what you want me to be," Sam whispered.

"The thing is ... I should just want you to be happy. And I do want you to be happy. But I worry, and it hurts me to see you do things that I know will cause you pain. Or that will get you killed. And I want to find a way to trust you. And I want you to feel that I love you, and that I always will, no matter what. And that you can always come to me. And most of all, I want you to feel that there is enough space for you in my heart, and that you get as much as Kristina and Molly do. You will never the runner-up. I promise."

"I want all of that too," Sam said hesitantly, as if afraid that in saying it she would jinx her wish.

"I know that it's not going to be easy for us ..."

Sam's humor made another appearance. "That's an understatement."

"Nothing worth having comes easy."

"What about 'the best things in life are free'?" Sam asked, as she sat herself up, hugging her knees.

The sudden loss of physical contact with her daughter made Alexis feel as if she'd lost something.

"Well, I don't believe that. The best things in my life are my three beautiful daughters and although conceiving you three may have been easy, everything that came after that was hard. Painfully hard. First I had to give you up, and even now, communicating for us is like walking on hot coals. And when Kristina was born she was in the hospital for so long, and then Ned and the courts took her away, and then she was sick again and kidnapped. And then Molly and I almost died when I gave birth to her. And then cancer ... Nothing worth having comes easy. Not for me." Alexis sighed. "Or maybe it's just a Cassadine curse."

"So what do we do?"

"We both know that it's going to be hard, so I thought that maybe ..."

"Mm-hm?"

"Maybe we could try ... therapy."

"Like go to a shrink?"

"Yeah."

A moment of quiet followed.

This time Alexis tried to use humor. "You know, you sit on a couch and the therapist asks, 'How do you feel about that?'"

"You want _me_ to go to therapy?

"No, _us_. I want _us_ to go to therapy. Together. I think it might help. And having a neutral referee certainly will."

Sam cupped her chin.

"What do you think?"

"I'm not sure ..."

"Mm-hm?"

"I guess I don't see how sharing my darkest innermost feelings will help us. If anything, it will make you like me even less."

"But that's a part of our problem, Sam—you thinking that I don't like the person that you are. True, I may not like some of the things that you do, but that doesn't mean that I don't love you."

Pulling her knees closer, resting her chin on them, Sam's eyes revealed uncertainty.

"Because I do love you. You grew inside me for nine months. I look at you now, and sometimes you'll do something or say something, and I'll see glimpses of my mother in you. You are a part of me. How can I not love you?"

"We both know love is not always enough."

"That's why I think therapy might help. You thinking that you have to be a certain way for me to love you is what we can start with. I don't know how we will start, but a therapist should know. And I'm not trying to pin everything on you. I also have my own fair share of darkness that might surprise you. And we'll probably find a lot of things that we need to work on individually, before we can build on our relationship."

"What could _you_ possibly need to work on that could be affecting us?"

"My need to control everything, thinking that I always know best. And you were right: I do have expectations. But not just of you. Of most people. And the fact is that I manage to make a lot of people around me feel second best, and I'm not even doing it on purpose. Like you feeling that you have to live up to some kind of standard for me to accept you."

"Maybe it's just me. I don't think Jax and Diane feel that way."

"But they're just friends. There was Ned, who always felt second best to my work. Even when I tried to prove to him that he wasn't. And then Sonny ... he never felt worthy of me—in the corner of his brain I was always the Yale law graduate of the Cassadine dynasty. And then Ric ... he always felt so threatened by Sonny, even after we had Molly.

"And I know that it's a two-way street. Ned and Ric and Sonny, they all had their own issues. But I wonder if it's not something that I'm doing subconsciously. Is it that I attract those personalities and my presence exacerbates them, or do I help create them? Or maybe I purposefully set my expectations so high that I'm inevitably disappointed, to prove to myself over and over again that nobody is really worth the effort."

"Maybe you're overanalyzing."

"That's possible. But maybe there's some truth in there too. That would explain why I always want to save the bad boys. Why I believe that I _can_ save them."

Sam smiled a little. "Maybe you just like the excitement."

Alexis chuckled. "No, that would be you." Alexis closed her eyes for a moment. "But I'm obviously doing something wrong, because my life is a colossal disaster, as usual. Except for my three girls." Alexis brushed a stray hair from Sam's face. "And if I'm going to make a change for anyone, it will be for my daughters." Alexis smiled. "And maybe we can learn from each other."

"Like what?"

"Uh, well, I'm not so good at personal life stuff, obviously, but I can listen and I can share my experiences if you like, and maybe you can find something useful in the huge mess that is my life."

"Your life is not a mess. You have a job that you like, most of the time ..."

Alexis chuckled.

"...you have a nice house, and most importantly, you are the mother of the two cutest little girls on the planet, and they're smart and funny and healthy. Your life may be a lot of things, but it ain't a mess."

"And I have you."

Sam smiled. "So if anyone's life is a mess, it's mine."

Alexis opened her mouth to rebut, but Sam interrupted with her palm in the air. "A-a, Alexis. I'm not getting into that contest with you today."

Alexis raised her eyebrows. "As you wish."

Sam's expression became serious again. "You know, just now, when you said ... that we could learn from each other ..."

"Mm-hm?"

"What is it that you can learn from me?"

The insecurity in Sam's words pained Alexis. There were still many battles ahead of them.

"Well, it might be too late to teach an old cat new tricks, but maybe I can learn how to be a little more bold and adventurous. And fearless."

"But you never show fear."

"Not showing it is not the same as actually being fearless."

"I could say the same thing."

"But you act in spite of your fear. I overanalyze, and it paralyzes me."

"C'mon, Alexis, you're mama bear. You're fierce. You'd protect Molly and Kristina with your life."

"I'd protect you too," Alexis reminded Sam, knowing that she would have to continue doing it for months and years to come if her daughter was ever going to truly accept her love as a fact of life.

She continued, "But that's different. When my children are in danger my maternal instincts kick in. And I can hold my own against the bad guys. But it's all a defense mechanism. I don't go out of my way to do different things. I like to play it safe. But you ... you might not be so adventurous if I'd raised you. And I mean that in a good way."

"Are you sure you don't mean reckless?"

"It's a delicate balance between reckless and fearful. Maybe we can help each other find it."

"And the shrink will help too," Sam said.

"Well, he should."

"He?"

"Or she," Alexis said.

"I thought we'd go to Lainey."

"If you feel more comfortable with her, okay."

"But?"

"Well, I thought that it might help to get someone we don't know and who doesn't know us and our history. We'd be on neutral ground. But if you want Lainey ..."

"Actually, I like your idea. It would be good to get a fresh perspective. But I'd like for the therapist to be a woman."

Alexis pursed her lips. "Because there'll be no chance that we'll be attracted to her, right?"

"Mm-hm. We need to go in with all the odds on our side. So you can't be making eyes at the shrink."

Alexis feigned shock. "Me?"

"You may like bad boys, but you also like smart, educated men. Preferably both in the same package."

"And couple that with another good package ..."

"My mother and her dirty mind."

"Where do you think you got yours from?"

Sam laughed.

"So maybe tomorrow or the day after we can look for a therapist together—make it our first mother-daughter project."

"So ... we're really doing this?"

"I don't mean to pressure you. I thought we could try. If it doesn't work, if we don't like it, we don't have to keep going."

"Okay, that sounds better."

"Not one to make a commitment, are you? You got that from me too. Sorry."

"Well, there are worse things I could've gotten."

"Hey."

"That came out wrong."

Alexis smiled.

"So tomorrow?"

"Yeah. And I thought that we could also set apart some time to do mother daughter things, just the two of us."

"Like every week?"

"Yeah."

"Really?"

"Of course, really. If you can tear yourself from Lucky for a few extra hours. You two together are like sex on legs."

"Is this the beginning of uncensored mother daughter talks?"

"Perhaps ..." Alexis caught her chin between her fingers and looked inquisitively at Sam. "How would you feel about having uncensored mother daughter talks with your mother, Ms. McCall?"

"I would say that I admire her ability to go for years without sex."

"But once I get some, I make it worth my while."

The surprise on Sam's face turned into amusement, as both mother and daughter burst into laughter.

* * *


	16. Because of You pt8

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* * *

**

**Because of You pt.****8**

Alexis leaned back on the sofa and closed her eyes, the smile not leaving her lips. She had finally managed to get through to her daughter. They'd actually agreed to go to therapy. They still had a long way to go, but this had been the most important step. The hardest step. And they had taken it. Together. Her heart felt more complete than it ever had.

Feeling a sudden surge of energy, she jumped off the couch and moved around Sam's living room. Her nose picked up a familiar scent.

She headed to the kitchen. "Sam? You're not making—"

"Pop—corn!" her daughter exclaimed, appearing through the kitchen door with a large bowl of white and two bottles of water.

Alexis felt herself grin. She scooped up the top of the popcorn hill.

"Patience!"

"Mmm," Alexis groaned, as salty buttered fluff made contact with her tongue, her sense of taste overwhelming all other four. Taking her time, Alexis reveled in her first mouthful.

Sam smiled. "You know my favorite coffee; I know your favorite popcorn."

"You always were a smart cookie," Alexis replied, as they both sat down on the sofa again.

Slipping her shoes of, Alexis tucked her feet under hers. She reached for another handful of popcorn from the bowl, now between her and the pensive, cross-legged Sam. Alexis took the opportunity to observe her daughter. There was a rare softness in her expression, one that Alexis had seen only a few times. Still, by now, Sam's every gesture, no matter how minor, had become familiar: the wave of the hand, the mischievous shrug, the lingering sigh ... and each belonged as much to Sam, as to those Alexis had loved the most.

"You seem to be somewhere else ..." Sam interrupted her thoughts.

"Yeah ... you too."

Sam smiled. "You first."

"I was just observing you—"

"You make me sound like a zoo animal."

"Well, I like to observe you in your natural state ... when you're alone with your thoughts ... like now ... your soft side comes out when you let your guard down."

Sam seemed slightly uncomfortable.

"Anyway, it's wonderful to see that in your daughter."

Sam relaxed and smiled.

"So, what was on your mind?"

"I was just thinking ..."

"Mmm," Alexis acknowledged.

"I don't know ... I guess I'm still, uh ... confused."

"Mm-hm?" Alexis wanted to encourage, but not push too hard.

"It's another big issue to discuss, but I guess I'm confused why you forgave me. _How_ you forgave me. What I did with Ric was horrible. Even everything with Jerry. And I wonder if a part of me did it because I wanted to be off the hook." She sighed. "I feel that I've done such horrible things—things that shouldn't be forgiven. But then you forgave me. But you still haven't forgiven Ric, not really, and he's Molly's father. But you forgave me, and you keep wiping the slate clean over and over again. I just don't understand."

"Shouldn't I have the right to choose who and what to forgive?" Alexis asked gently.

"But how can you forgive me when you can't forgive Ric? We're both adults. As much as I wanted you to forgive me for what happened, and I tried to prove to you that I was worthy of your forgiveness ... I would have done practically anything to make you forgive me ... but I don't know if I would have been able to forgive you if the roles had been reversed ... I guess a part of me wanted you to forgive me and then the other part just wanted to you shut me out so that I could prove that you were the same horrible person who abandoned me. I could understand if you hated me when you abandoned me and then when I slept with Ric. But you loving me and forgiving me just doesn't really make sense."

Alexis remembered Sonny's words: _"You just went from resentment to forgiveness without doing the hard steps in the middle."_

"I guess we never had the important part of that conversation."

Sam shook her head.

"You want to talk about it now?"

"If you don't mind. We're kinda on a roll, here."

Alexis chuckled. "It was about time."

Alexis closed her eyes briefly before opening them again.

"Okay. So first ... some facts from _my_ point of view ... so that you can understand where I'm coming from."

Sam acknowledged silently.

"Fact one: Ric was my husband.

"Fact two: you are my long-lost daughter.

"Fact three: Seeing your husband and your daughter …"

Alexis cleared her throat. This was harder than she had expected.

"... have sex on your living room floor is probably one of the worst things that could happen to a person, injury or death of a loved one notwithstanding."

Sam nodded.

"Ric ... Well, before seeing you two, ­uh ... together, Ric had already cheated on me, and we were having other problems too. I was willing to give our marriage another chance because I loved him, and I felt that he loved me too. If relationships had been hard for me, with Ric I realized how much harder a real marriage is … for us ... for me. Anyway, the marriage became real once we had Molly, not only because I'd fallen in love with him, but because I wanted to be able to give her what I couldn't give Kristina—a full-time dad. And a divorce would not only affect me, but also the girls, and I tried hard to make the marriage work. And I know I'm not the easiest person to live with, so I compromised, and so did he ..."

Without wanting, memories of her time with Ric surfaced ... many of them happy. Alexis sighed.

"When I think of the Ric I knew, I can't reconcile him with the person that he's become. It's like they're two different people. And it's easier to believe that they are because it means that the Ric I knew loved me, and that he wasn't pretending all that time. And that's the Ric that I loved. And you know what the worst part is? I distinctly remember moments of such happiness with him—granted, they were few and far between, but still—in those moments I used to think to myself: _I don't know what he could do that I wouldn't be able to forgive, if not for myself, then for my girls_. And then, as if on a mission, he went and did the one thing that I could never forgive."

Alexis paused briefly to collect her thoughts.

"As my husband, Ric was my equal. We were supposed to respect not only one another, but each others' relationships as well. He knew very well how cheating on me would affect my relationship with him if I found out, and if that's the way he wanted our marriage to end, that was his right. But he had no right …" Alexis choked on her words, as she felt her eyes well up. "He had no right to taint my relationship with you. We were only getting to know each other as mother and daughter and he knew how important that was to me, but he didn't give a damn ... or he did it intentionally, it doesn't really matter either way … but he had no right to touch my daughter …"

"I'm so sorry. I'm so _so_ sorry," Sam said earnestly. In a low voice, she added, "But it wasn't just his fault."

Alexis sighed. "I know ... but extenuating circumstances don't make something right. I don't care if you gave him a lap dance in the nude. He had no right to touch you."

"Again, although I'd love to blame the whole thing on him, it was my fault as must as his. What I can remember ..."

"True, but Ric and I entered into our marriage as two consenting adults on equal footing. I chose him to be my husband and the father of my child, and he chose me. Then he chose to sleep with you, and I chose not to forgive him.

"But my relationship with you is entirely different. You didn't choose to be born to me; you didn't choose to be given up and adopted by some horrible woman. Yes, other things you chose to do, but our relationship is as much influenced by your choices as it is by the choices that I made that you had no say in.

"You … you are my daughter, Sam. And even if you didn't grow up with me and I didn't get to teach you the ways of this world, you are still my daughter. You always will be my daughter. Although as women, we are on equal footing, and I can speak to you as an adult, in my head you're always my firstborn, the baby that kicked when I played disco music … So in that sense I can never see you as an equal like I see Ric. And then again, I know that if I had kept you, you would never have done what you did. I'm not saying you're not responsible for your actions, but I understand why you did them ... you wanted me to suffer for abandoning you. And if you needed to sleep with Ric to get back at me and to see if I loved you enough to forgive you, so be it.

"I said some horrible things to you that night, and not only should a mother never say that, but in saying them I put Molly and Kristina before you—like they were more important. That was pretty unforgivable behavior on my part. And I can only imagine how that must have made you feel. Maybe a little of how I felt growing up as the poor Cassadine relative, as if I was less than Stefan and Stavros. Our experiences may not be comparable, but the emotions that arise from being made to feel inferior are usually the same."

"I didn't—" Sam began, but Alexis interrupted.

"Don't try to deny that you wanted payback, because I know all about payback. I remember plotting scenarios of how to get back at Helena—ways to give her a taste of her own medicine. I imagined Mikkos divorcing her and leaving her penniless, and her working as a servant for us, and me exacting my revenge on her. When I got older I even fantasized about seducing Mikkos and convincing him to murder Helena. I can't even count the ways that I imagined her death. What I wouldn't have done—what I still wouldn't do—to see Helena humiliated like she humiliated me every single day that I had to live there."

Alexis' hands balled into fists, as memories of Helena filled her mind.

The soft touch of Sam's hand on her fist made Alexis focus back to her daughter. "See? You're not the only one with dark emotions. It runs in the family."

Sam gave her a little smile.

"What I'm trying to say is that I understand your resentment. And it's normal that you feel it. I guess it wouldn't be normal if you _didn't._ So it's no wonder you have abandonment issues. That seems to be another thing that you got from me ... and because of me. Great mother, huh?"

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Alexis. I do that enough for the both of us."

"I just don't want you to think that I don't regret giving you up ... not being strong enough to fight my father."

"You _were_ only 16."

Alexis nodded slightly

"Too bad you won't be able to use that excuse for Molly and Kristina."

Alexis gave her a weak smile, which Sam returned.

"Back to your question ... in my book, love for a child always outranks love for a partner. It's a mother's job to love unconditionally and to forgive. I know you can never love me as much as I love you, but you can love your own child the same way. That is the natural order of things. A mother's love comes above all else, and its forgiveness is infinite, although it may not always be instantaneous."

"But there are still other things that I did."

"But you also have every right to feel resentful of me as I have of you. Not only because I gave you up, but because when Lila died, I was there, and Kristina lived. When Danny died, I was there, and I lived. Your losses may not have been my fault, but in your memories I'm the bad guy."

"But I hurt you on purpose."

"But you're still my daughter. Yes, you should've known better. But in this relationship, you're the child—you're _my_ child.

Alexis smiled. "Basically, I'm the one that screwed up first."

Sam was quiet.

Alexis nudged her daughter. "What? You're not fighting me on this one?"

A smile broke out on Sam's face.

"That's better. And of course, I'm the one that's paying for therapy."

"I won't argue with that either."

"Good." Alexis smiled, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her daughter's ear. "I know that nothing can make up for the fact that I wasn't there to nurture you when you needed me the most. No matter how much I try to be a mother now, you will never see me in the same way that Molly and Kristina do," Alexis said, thinking of Sonny and Ric.

"But I'm so grateful for this second chance that we got. Even with everything that we've been through, we still found a way back to each other.

"What happened, happened. There's nothing we can do to change the past. But I'm not giving up on us. I want us to stop wondering _what if_, and I want us to move forward. I want to find a way to get past what happened, and hopefully, to figure out why it happened, so that it doesn't happen again. I want us to stop blaming each other, even subconsciously, for everything that went wrong."

Alexis let out a sigh. "Do you understand now why I can forgive you, but I cannot forgive Ric?"

"I guess so."

Alexis nodded. "When you have your own child, then you'll really know."

"I'm not holding my breath."

"Oh, I'm sorry. That was insensitive. I'm so sorry. But I don't think you should give up. Miracles do happen."

"Not to me they don't."

"We found each other again, didn't we?"

Sam gave her a small nod.

It hurt Alexis to see her daughter so disillusioned about something that brought Alexis so much joy. "Okay, I'm not one to be accused of optimism, but there are miracles. It's just that sometimes you need to give your miracle a push."

"Are you telling me to start having unprotected sex 24/7?"

Alexis gave her a look. "All I'm trying to say is that you might try to be a little more open to the idea. Positive thoughts, optimism, glass half full ... you know, all those things that people with normal childhoods believe."

That got a little smile out of Sam. "So I should think pink? Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst?"

"Kind of. And let's say for the sake of the argument that you can't have children. There are so many options today. Biology helps, but it's not paramount."

"That's a little strange, coming from you."

"You think that if we suddenly found out that you're not really my daughter that I'd love you any less?"

Sam didn't respond.

"Of course not. We've come such a long way in the past few years, not only as mother and daughter, but as friends. No one can take that away from us."

Sam still looked unsure.

"Okay, if you found out that Kristina or Molly weren't your sisters, would you stop feeling that they were your sisters? Would you stop loving them?"

"No, of course not."

"There you go. Although I don't think that you should give up on having a biological child, you most definitely should never give up on being a mother. I'll carry your child for you if that's the only way to get you to be a mom!"

Sam finally smiled. "Okay, I guess I can try to hope ... And don't worry, I won't be asking you to carry my child. Maybe I'll ask Kristina when she's older."

"What??"

Sam laughed. "Gotcha! Besides, I've given up on surrogacy. If I can't have my baby grow inside of me then it just becomes more complicated. And I think our family is complicated enough."

Alexis' lips curled upwards when Sam said _our family_. They really were moving forward.

"Besides, the kid would probably be better off without my genes."

"They're my genes too," Alexis said defensively.

"And they're wonderful in combination with Cuban heritage, but me ... I'm not sure I'm the best specimen of humanity, and I wouldn't want to inflict that on an innocent baby."

"Sam ... don't say that. You are just as you should be."

"On the outside, maybe. But inside I'm just so screwed up. I keep messing up. Big time. Sometimes I feel as if all I should be allowed to do is stand still and look pretty."

"Okay, Sam, listen to me. You're smart and you're funny and you're resourceful, and yes, you're beautiful, but there's so much more to you below the surface. And there's still so much life ahead of you."

"But life is such a struggle for me."

"And you think it's not a struggle for everyone? That it's not a struggle for me? We're just beginning to really get to know each other, and you always find yourself in some life-or-death situation. It's a wonder you haven't given me a heart attack yet. And then there's Molly and Kristina, who are also in perpetual danger, if not from their fathers' questionable career choices than from the evil that is my psycho stepmother."

"But you always know what you're doing; you're so sure of yourself."

"Like I knew what I was doing when I gave you up? Like I knew that I loved Ned but I ran out on our wedding. Like I had any idea what I was doing with Sonny? Like I trusted Ric, who I married to keep Sonny away from Kristina, which didn't work, but then I fell in love with him, only to have him sleep with you? Do I even need to mention Jerry?"

"Well …"

"Life is a struggle for many people, despite what it appears on the outside. The important thing is to try. And you try, Sam, you try."

"I know, but I just keep going from one mistake to the next."

"You're supposed to learn from your mistakes."

"I don't think I do that."

"Okay, I know this is going to sound like another think-pink pep talk, but the future has so many possibilities. Nothing is set in stone. You can learn and change. We can all learn and change. See, look at me now, being all optimistic. Did you think that would ever happen?"

Sam smiled, shaking her head.

Alexis smiled back. She never thought she'd be the one lecturing Sam about being positive. Yet, by encouraging Sam, she encouraged herself. Just like when she had cancer and she reassured Kristina. In giving her daughter hope, she'd given herself hope. And it made perfect sense that if anyone could give her hope, it would be her children.

"The point is that you have to focus on the positive, Sam. For example, you're wonderful with your sisters."

"That doesn't count; it's easy to love them."

"Not when you might not be able to have a child of your own. But it's not only with the girls. I've seen you with Jake and Cameron, and even Spencer."

Sam gave her a little shrug. "They don't judge me by my past. And mostly they just want me to play with them. It's not much of an expectation. Besides, I can be goofy. That always helps with kids."

"You know what? I'm just going to continue talking until you face the fact that you do have good qualities."

"And you might have to face the fact that you're idealizing me because I'm your daughter."

"Nonsense!" Alexis waved her hand at Sam. "I'm a lawyer, and I don't idealize."

"Oh, sure." Sam rolled her eyes.

"You know," Alexis said, her voice softening, "I always think of that Christmas when you gave Lila's christening gown to Kristina. That was not only kind of you, but you rose above. You chose to be the bigger person that day, to put aside your pain for somebody else. That couldn't have been easy. And honestly, I don't know if I'd have been able to be so generous if the roles had been reversed. I'd like to think so, but I don't know."

"I didn't need the gown anymore," Sam said quietly.

"Stop downplaying yourself. That act of kindness shows all that you can be kind and generous. I feel so proud when I think back to that day."

"You do?"

Alexis nodded. "Mm-hm. And you even came to the church."

"It was Christmas. I do like Christmas."

A moment of quiet filled the air, until Sam whispered, "You know, I still miss her."

"I know," Alexis whispered back, reaching for Sam's hand.

"Some days I think about her and imagine what she would be like, and other days I ache ... I ache so much that it makes me want to scream. I wish she could have been with me even for just a few days, so that I could hold her ... just hold her ..."

Forgoing words, Alexis squeezed her daughter's hand. Sam snuggled next to Alexis, her head resting on her mother's shoulder. Her voice softened, as she talked about her little girl. The resentment and anger may have gone, but the sadness and hurt would always remain.

Tear after tear rolled down Alexis' cheeks as her daughter shared her pain about the granddaughter that wasn't meant to be.

* * *


	17. Because of You pt9

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A/N: To tell you the truth, this chapter was never a part of the grand plan—actually, I was purposefully avoiding it, but then it just appeared out of nowhere, and it's Xmas and I decided that SamLexis deserve some happy memories too, so here ya go.

I kinda played around with the names because I was too lazy to figure out a better one and I wanted a cute nickname, and the other one I picked off the top of my head cause it's so common and then it turned out to be related too and I just thought that it was serendipity :) Of course, you have no idea what I'm talking about until you read the chapter.

Happy holidays, everyone!!

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**Because of You pt.****9**

Having finished the snacks and beverages, mother and daughter were sprawled out on the sofa.

"We're such couch potatoes," Sam said, yawning and stretching.

"You know, I've always thought that you were too sporty to be my daughter. Boxing, swimming, what else?"

"I run."

"You run? Wow. If you didn't love junk food so much, I'd have my doubts," Alexis said with a wink.

"Well, maybe one of these days, we can go running together? As one of our mother daughter activities."

"You must be joking."

"C'mon, it would be good for you."

"And I'd probably give myself a heart attack or get run over. You know my body coordination is not the best. Besides, I'm old. Old people don't run. They walk."

"You're not old, Alexis. You have little kids. Old people can't have little kids."

"They can in today's day and age."

"But you didn't do fertility treatments for Molly."

"I guess I should be thankful that I've never had a problem with that."

"Yeah, you should ..."

Alexis squeezed Sam's shoulder reassuringly. "You know, come to think of it, I must've spent a fortune on birth control with Ned."

"Well, in the spirit of _think pink_, at least that's not something that I have to worry about."

"But you still need to be careful, STDs and all."

"I know, _mother_," Sam said with a smile.

"Are you sure we don't need to have the talk?" Alexis asked with feigned seriousness.

Sam played along. "You mean, the sex talk?" she asked incredulously, her eyes wide open, as her hand covered her gaping mouth.

Alexis laughed. "Just be careful."

"It's already taken care of. Lucky and I have both been tested, so if there's a miracle out there for me, I'm waiting."

Alexis nodded. "Good."

"So, when are we going running?"

"Again with the running? Do you know how much more pollution you inhale when you run compared to when you walk?"

"What's a little danger?" Sam teased.

_That sounded__ exactly like ... No, it couldn't be. I'm imagining things._

"What did you just say?"

"What's a little danger?" Sam repeated in the same teasing voice.

_Oh, God. __That's exactly what he used to say._

"Are you okay?" Sam asked, concerned.

"Uh, yeah ... of course ..." Alexis made an effort to focus on her daughter again. "You were saying?"

"Well, if you don't want to go for a run, we'll just have to go for a walk then."

"That sounds better."

Sam smiled. "You know, I'm really happy with how our talk turned out, even if I was mean at the start."

"I'm so glad you think that, Sam. I feel the same way."

"Except ..."

"What?" Alexis asked gently.

"Well, I'm really happy with how things are, but the more we talk the more questions I seem to have."

_And t__here it is. The question of her life._

"I'm still here ... ask away. Can't promise to answer all your questions tonight, but we can get a head start."

"Okay, good. Because I only have one question, well, only one important question."

"Okay," Alexis said, bracing herself emotionally.

"So ... you loved Ric, right?"

_Oh__. _

_That is so not the right question, Sam._

"Mm-hm. For a short while I loved him very much."

"So did you love, uh ..."

_C'mon, Sam, y__ou can do it._

"Did you also love Sonny?"

_Wrong again._

"Uh ..."

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to," Sam quickly added.

"It's okay. But I get to quiz you about your love life later. Deal?"

Sam smiled. "Deal."

"Okay." Alexis sighed. "Yes, I loved Sonny. And the more Kristina grows, the more I see him in her—and I have to channel all that temperamental energy that she has. She serves as a living reminder of how much I loved him ... and why I loved him."

"Isn't that hard?"

"You mean, having Kristina as a reminder?"

Sam nodded. "And Molly too."

"I won't lie; the custody problems were hell. And if either one of them tried to challenge the current situation ... I don't even want to think about it, but, suffice to say, I would want to chop their balls off."

Sam chuckled. "What a mental image."

Alexis smiled. "But at the end of the day, Molly and Kristina came out of my love for them, and in a way it's comforting because it means that the pain of that love was not in vain. So no, I don't regret loving them, if for no other reason then because of Molly and Kristina." She thought for a moment. "There are times when I wish I'd made other choices, but I have never regretted having _any_ of my children. And that includes you too, you know."

Sam nodded. "I admire how you're always able to make so much sense out of life."

"Getting old does have some benefits." Alexis winked. "And I'm always here when you need a sympathetic ear, you know. As a friend, as much as a mother. And no judging. Unless you want me to."

"I'll hold you to that."

"Any time, Sam."

"Good." Her daughter smiled. "And I was going to ask you, uh, what about ..."

"Mm?"

"Did you ... did you love _my_ father?

_And t__here it is._

Alexis slowly nodded. "Yes, Sam ... I loved your father too." She heard herself chuckle. "I seem to have loved a lot of men. Some more, some less."

Her daughter remained quiet, as if waiting for Alexis go on.

_A__ chance to change the subject. _

_Alexis__! You have to tell her; she deserves to know. And if any day were perfect enough, it's today._

Alexis bit on her lip before continuing, "So, this is where I tell you who your father is, right?"

Sam's face lit up at Alexis' acknowledgement.

The hope in Sam's eyes contradicted the helplessness Alexis felt at having to disappoint her eldest daughter yet again. In as gentle a voice that she could find, she said, "I guess I should start off by saying that he's dead."

"Oh."

The disillusionment in that simple _oh_ broke Alexis' heart. "I'm sorry, Sam."

"Are you sure?"

Alexis nodded.

"But you thought I was dead."

Alexis gave her a weak smile. "You have nine lives, just like your father."

"So maybe he's not dead?"

Alexis shook her head. "I went to the funeral."

"But you've been to fake funerals before."

Her daughter's persistence left Alexis at a loss for words. "That's true ..."

"But I'm probably just grasping at straws, aren't I?"

"I'm _so_ sorry, Sam."

"Yeah, well, story of my life." Sam paused. "But if he had nine lives, that means he was adventurous. Like me?" she asked, some of the sparkle returning to her eyes.

"Definitely like you. You remind me so much of him sometimes. And that's why I worry, because in the end he died before his time. And I don't want the same to happen to you."

"He liked danger?"

Alexis nodded. "Mm-hm."

"Was he attractive?"

"Of course! Where do you think you get your looks from? You have his eyes and his hair," Alexis said, reaching for a strand of Sam's hair. "The Cassadines may be a lot of things, but we're certainly not the best-looking bunch on the block. We need a touch of Latino to pretty us up."

"My father was Latino?"

"Half. I hope I remember this right. He was one quarter Argentinean, one quarter Venezuelan, from his father. From his mother, he was one quarter Native American, and the other quarter was his grandmother who was half-English, half-Indian—she was the niece of a maharajah."

"A maharajah?"

"Mm-hm," Alexis confirmed happily.

"So I have aristocratic roots from both sides?"

"It would appear so. Should I call you princess now?"

"Ha ha." Sam made a face. "I bet the Cassadines loved that!"

Alexis rolled her eyes. "They focused more on the Latino than on the Indian royalty part."

"He wasn't tall, was he?"

"No, that he wasn't. But he was good-looking. Actually, that's an understatement. He was sex on legs."

"You just love that expression, don't you?"

Alexis nodded with a grin.

"Do you have photos?"

"Maybe somewhere in the lake house, with some of my old stuff. I'm not sure. But he went into the professionals, he did some sort of extreme mountain biking, so there are photos of him online, on some sport sites."

"Wait, he did extreme sports, he's famous, and you Googled him?"

"What do you think I do in my office all day?"

"That's kinda cool: my father is Googlable."

"Are you serious? Googlable? You're so getting a dictionary for your birthday. First Kristina speaking slang, and now you with _Googlable_. Before we know it, Molly will be speaking like Spinelli."

"Spinelli speaks good English."

"Yes, actually he does. But he's a little strange, don't you think?"

"We're all strange in our own way."

"You're right. But _Googlable_ is still not a word."

"_Googlable_. _Googlable_. _Googlable._ Language is a living organism. You just have to learn to embrace change."

"I'm old, remember?"

"I'm not arguing with you on that again. So back to the story of my adventurous father. How come he was of such mixed heritage?"

"Well, his father was the pool boy who knocked up the boss's daughter when she came home for Christmas."

"So my father was rich? From the grandmother?"

"Yes, from the grandmother, the niece of the maharajah. She was a free spirit; she traveled the world—as far as I know it took her five long years to earn the right to claim her inheritance without marriage and children. So during her travels, she stopped in a little Midwestern town off the beaten track and fell in love, got married, moved to the city, invested the money, and had lots of kids."

"So I could have a lot of cousins?"

"Yeah, you probably do, lots of prince and princess cousins."

Sam threw a pillow at her mother.

"Hey. Play nice."

"And what about the Latino side?"

"Well, Mo's father—"

"Mo?"

"Yeah." Alexis smiled, biting her lip. "That's what I used to call him. It was short for Maurice."

"What happened to his father?"

"After they got pregnant, Mo's parents decided to get married and—"

"And his mother's side had no objections?"

"They just wanted their daughter to be happy. And they themselves had experienced the difficulties of marrying outside their accepted circles, so they understood."

"And then what?"

"Well, Mo's father died when Mo was very young. He said he barely remembered him. But he was very protective of his memory. His father's last name had been Rodriguez, and that's what Mo went by. That's what his friends and the student community called him."

"Wasn't that his surname?"

"No, his last name was Indian. Because of the maharajah stuff. I don't even remember what it was. Everyone just called him Rodriguez. That was also his sports name."

"Last names don't seem to be that important in our family after all, even with all the aristocracy."

"Shh. Stefan would have a fit if he could hear you."

She chuckled. "Hmm ... Rodriguez. Ro-dri-guez," Sam sounded out the name. "So if everything had turned out right, my last name could've been Rodriguez. Samantha Rodriguez."

"But your first name might not have been Samantha," Alexis said quietly.

Her daughter gave her a questioning look.

"I would've named you Kristin. After my mother."

"Oh."

"And if Mo's grandmother hadn't been the niece of the maharajah, then he might never have attended a private school, and we might not have met, and you might not have been conceived, and I wouldn't have had to give you up." Alexis' voice was gentle. "And if none of that had happened, then we wouldn't be sitting here right now."

Alexis reached for her daughter's hand. "The present is the best that life can give us, and we have to take it, as imperfect as it may be.

"But that doesn't make it any less painful."

"I know ..." Alexis said, stroking her Sam's hand. "But I have to believe that things happen for a reason, otherwise nothing would make sense."

"Maybe ... You know, there's this saying that I got in an email once. It said: _Everything's going to be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end._"

"There's your think pink moment." Alexis smiled, as memories of Mo surfaced. "Mo was a big optimist. Always a smile on his face. Armageddon could've been around the corner and you wouldn't know it from his demeanor. And he was optimistic to a flaw. It annoyed people, particularly the Cassadine in me. And ... it got him killed."

"So what happened? Start from the beginning, from you and him."

"Okay," Alexis said, sitting herself in discussion mode. "So, Welles Academy, the all-boys' school, was down the street from Briarton-Griggs. They were sister schools, so we had some functions like school formals together. Mo and I started dating at the beginning of my sophomore year. He was a senior. We were your typical teenagers in love. We bonded over being different—at our schools and in our families. But his family was always supportive, he used to tell me stories of their get-togethers, and I could just imagine what it would have been like to be a part of that."

"What was he like?"

"He was the black sheep of the school, literally, 'cause everyone else was so white. But he was well-liked among his peers because he was always himself. And he was very popular with the girls, of course. And he was really smart. But he never studied. Mo was the quintessential school rebel, coming late to class, pretending he was drunk, and he was always pulling stunts at both our schools, like calling in bomb threats so that we wouldn't have class. Or he'd cut class to go race. He was somewhat of a legend—he ran with whatever great idea he had, never thinking about the consequences."

"Didn't he ever get in trouble?"

"Oh, yes, he was constantly in detention or at the verge of being expelled, but it was just an idle threat because he was aristocracy and the school prided itself in having students of noble blood."

"So Mo was the original bad boy?"

"That he was."

"And he had all the girls at his feet?"

"Pretty much."

"And how did shy and sheltered Alexis catch the eye of bad boy Mo?"

Alexis smiled. "Well, that's a story in itself. Usually, on the weekends, the school would take a small number of students to town."

"That school sounds like a prison."

"Most of the time it felt like one. But anyway, one Saturday, I missed the meeting time with the group."

"Because you met Mo?"

"No, because I was absorbed in a book at the bookstore."

"For once they let you go into town and choose to spend your time at a bookstore?"

"I was reading books that they didn't have at the school library," Alexis defended herself.

"Like what? Erotica?"

"Actually, I was reading Judy Blume. She was forbidden reading, of course."

"Is there anything that wasn't forbidden at that school of yours?"

"Sports. But I was never any good at that."

"So what happened after you missed your meeting point?"

"Well, I waited at the bus stop, and then Mo came and picked me up."

"What car did he drive?"

"He was on his bike."

"His bike?"

"Yeah."

"Wait, did you know him before then?"

"I knew _of_ him."

"So a hot guy shows up out of the blue, and you get on his bike?"

"Well, he was nice. And it was windy. And I'd never been on a motorcycle before. And basically, here was the infamous Rodriguez, on his bike, asking me if I needed a ride."

"You're such a girl."

Alexis smiled. It was good to see her daughter happy over who her father was, even if she would never meet him.

"So what happened?"

"Well, I got on the bike, and he was so sweet because he asked me if I'd ever been on a bike before, and I said no, so he drove really slowly, and then just before we got to the school, he told me to hold on, and he went full gas, and I honestly thought I would die. As soon as he stopped, I got off and yelled at him, calling him a 'jerk' and a 'stupid show-off.' I think I even hit him a few times, and then I marched off."

"But you actually liked it?"

"Well, afterwards, yeah, but while I was on the bike, I thought I would die."

"That's the adrenaline rush."

"That's what he said."

"And then because you didn't fall to his knees, he wanted you."

"That seems to be the rule, doesn't it?"

"So, how did he win you over?"

"He pursued me for a whole month. Every single day. And when I mean pursue, I mean court. Old school. Flowers in the morning, flowers before bed time. Oh, and right at the beginning of the school year there had been some kind of flood in the Welles' library, so a quarter of their students were allowed to use our library. The school picked the shyest boys, and Mo certainly wasn't shy, so he switched with one of his friends. Against the rules, of course."

"For you?"

"So he said."

"Cute!"

"And then he wooed me by reading me poems and carrying my books for me. It got to the point of embarrassing. I told him that we could only be friends. He agreed, but he still kept doing all the romantic stuff. But he never pushed. That was kind of strange but nice. He was basically following me around."

"But you liked it?"

"Well, I liked the attention. And suddenly everyone at Welles and Briarton-Griggs knew my name. And I got Cosmos for free."

"You were drinking at 16?"

"No, Cosmo, the magazine. Anyway, through Mo, I became the talk of the schools. I thought he'd get tired of me in a week or two, but he didn't, and we used to have lunch together and do our homework together. And we'd talk. We'd spend hours at the library just talking."

"But you still wouldn't give in?"

"No. And when everything else failed, he sang under my window."

"He could sing?"

"Not really, but that didn't stop him from embarrassing himself in front of the whole dorm for me."

"Whole dorm?"

"Well, the whole south tower. And then because he wanted to make sure that I and everybody else knew that he was singing to me, he spelled my name in flowers on the ground."

"Awww. That's so cute. Was that when you decided to give in?"

"Well, he was shooed off by security, and he actually got three days of detention for disturbing the peace. In our library."

"And?"

"And then I didn't do my homework the next day, and I got detention too."

"On purpose?"

Alexis nodded.

"That is so sweet. You could sell the movie rights to your story, you know. It's a cash cow."

"It's your story too. Although it might be smart to change the names, particularly the Cassadine name, or we'll have Helena at our throats in no time."

"Okay, deal. Now, can I make a little comment?"

"Of course."

"Obviously, I wish that my father were alive, but you telling me about him, finally finding out who he is and what he was like, I feel that I've gained more than I had before, not knowing whether he was alive or not. If that makes sense."

"It does to me."

"But anyway, the other point that I wanted to make," Sam said, grinning, "is that my story is _so _much better than Kristina or Molly's! I finally win a round," she said, clapping her hands together like a little girl.

Alexis laughed. "You're probably right. First love is always special. And Mo is definitely to blame for my obsession with bad boys."

"So what happened in detention?"

"Well, by then I had realized that I'd fallen for him. After detention, we sneaked over to my room, and that's where we kissed for the first time."

"And then what?"

"And then we made out, and that's most likely when you were conceived."

"Eeeeeee!" Sam squealed, placing her hand over her mouth. "A month of nothing, and then everything? Not that I'm complaining, obviously, but you weren't too sheltered--you were reading Cosmo. Shouldn't you have known about protection?"

"Condoms were only starting to be widely available, and I'd never needed them before, and I don't know ..."

"But he should have known, right? He was older than you. Are you sure you're not sugar-coating this story for me?"

"Sam ..."

"So did you use protection the next time you had sex, or did you only have sex once, or what happened?"

"Well, we used the usual teenage method of contraception."

"The pull-out method?"

"Yeah."

"That is _so_ not reliable."

"Everybody did that back then."

"Like that's ever a good reason. Do you know that the pull-out method is the least effective for teenagers?"

"Because of high teenage fertility?"

"No! Because it requires self-control and practice that teenagers don't have. Obviously!" Sam shook her head. "You're the one that needs the sex talk."

"Lucky for you, I never got one."

"Well, you will definitely need to brush up on it before you talk to Kristina and Molly."

"Or I'll just leave it to you." Alexis smiled. "I trusted Mo, and we were fine."

"So your first time was with him?"

"Mm-hm."

"So ..."

"The first time is always a little strange, but Mo knew what he was doing, and from the next morning we were a couple." Alexis grinned, placing her palms over her hot face. Thinking about him still sent blood rushing to her cheeks.

"And he didn't dump you after he got what he wanted?"

"Hey. Don't talk about your father like that. No, he didn't dump me. He said he'd fallen in love with me. And really, a month of courting ... he spent his every free moment with me. On the weekends, he wouldn't leave my side. He'd wait for me in front of my building, and he'd be with me until he walked me home at night. At one point I thought he was going to attend my classes with me."

Sam laughed. "So he was a good bad boy."

"If he'd turned out to be a bad bad boy, I might've had a nervous breakdown. I was so insecure because of Helena and Stavros, that if he'd had sex with me and dumped me, I'm not sure what I would've done. But luckily, my instincts were much better than they are now, and he turned out to be the good bad boy."

"So what happened?"

"So you were conceived sometime, um ... it must've been late September or early October, but I didn't realize that I was pregnant until Mikkos forced me to go home for Christmas break. And we were still together before the break."

"How on earth did you not notice?"

"Hey, enough with the judging. Thank your lucky stars that I wasn't a walking sexopedia, like you seem to be. Now, back to the pregnancy ... my periods continued normally, and I just thought I was tired because I wasn't getting much sleep."

"Because you were having too much hot wild sex with the Latino lover?"

Alexis tilted her head. "Yeah, kind of."

Sam laughed. "I thought you said you were shy and sheltered."

"I was, until I met Mo."

"So?"

"Stefan was the one that noticed and when he told me I was so shocked. But I made him promise not to tell, until I told Mo and we figured out what to do. Because I had no clue what to do. I just wanted to talk to Mo. But I couldn't reach him because he'd gone on a two-month retreat with his grandfather—it was some kind of Native American rite of passage. So when I went back to school he was still gone, and I just kept my mouth shut, and I wore baggy clothes, waiting for Mo to come back. But then, one day I fainted in gym class, and the school called Mikkos. He took me out of school for the semester, shipped me off to the Belmont Clinic, and basically isolated me. I was only allowed to communicate with him. He let me talk to Stefan only after I threatened to kill myself if he didn't."

"That's horrible."

"And it gets worse. Mikkos threatened to kill Mo and his—"

"Kill? Isn't that a little drastic for a simple pregnancy?"

"There was nothing simple about my pregnancy. You're a Cassadine heir, whether you like it or not.

"So I made a deal with Mikkos. He would stay away from Mo and his family, if I kept quiet about having you. So I did. And in one way, it helped keep you alive, because if she'd known at the time, Helena would have killed you. I'm not sure if she found out about it later, but I suspect that's one of the reasons why Mikkos added that death certificate in the adoption file ... that if she came looking for you she wouldn't find you."

"What about you and Mo?"

"I had Stefan send a letter to Mo that I wouldn't be coming back that year, and that was it."

"What do you mean? Didn't you see him again next year?"

"By that time he'd already graduated. And in a way, it was easier because at least I didn't have to lie to him."

"And you didn't look for him?"

"I wanted to, but I didn't want to lie. And how could I tell him that I had given up our daughter? He grew up without a father; he would've hated me for forcing him to do the same to his child."

"So you never told him?"

"I met up with him once, while I was in law school. By then he was already quite famous."

"And?"

"He was the national champion, and he was engaged to a colleague, and he seemed happy."

"And you still didn't tell him?"

"At one point I asked him if he was planning to have children with his fiancée, and he said no."

"Oh."

"It wasn't that he didn't want kids. He just said that his life was too uncertain for a child, and so was his fiancée's. They both lived off the adrenaline of the sport, never knowing if or when they'd get hurt. He said that his nieces and nephews were enough for him."

"So I do have a lot of cousins?"

"Definitely more than from my side."

"So you never told him," Sam said in a deflated tone.

"No," Alexis replied quietly. "Two years later he died. He went off a cliff with his bike."

"Oh my God."

Alexis nodded.

"And you went to the funeral?"

"Yeah, but it was so hard. All his biker buddies were there, and it just made me so angry to see them there, pretending like he didn't die because of something they all did. And I never really got to say goodbye. They never found his body."

"So technically, he could still be alive?"

Alexis closed her eyes briefly. "That's what I thought at first. I thought he would reappear. I hoped he would, I even prayed, because I wanted him to come back so that I could tell him. I felt so guilty. But he never did. He's gone, Sam."

"But you don't really know that." Her voice was determined.

"You sound just like him sometimes."

"And that's the whole story?"

Alexis nodded.

"So in his eyes, you're the one that left."

"Probably."

"And when you met up later, when he was famous, how was he? Was he still the same? Was he nice to you? Did you feel anything?"

"It was kind of like two old friends at a school reunion. We talked about the time we were together, and he asked me why I'd left. And I told him that my father forced me to, and he knew how crazy the Cassadines were, so he didn't blame me. He just said that he'd missed me. And then we talked about his career, and my law school, and that was it."

"It was amicable?"

"Very. Even if I didn't tell him, I'm still glad I saw him again. And he hadn't changed, not really." Alexis smiled. "You know, he's the first person that ever made me believe in love. But my experience with him also left me cynical. I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the day that my father ships me off to a clinic in Maine. You know, it wasn't until Sonny, that I let myself be lead by my heart again. And look how great that turned out."

"But it's still beautiful. The story, I mean. I'm sorry about the way it ended for you."

"It was never you, it was the family. They don't even deserve to be called that. Stefan, Nikolas, and Spencer are the only Cassadines that I consider family."

"I'm sorry about what I said yesterday ... about Stavros and Stefan."

"Well, that is a whole other story. Which I'm sure we'll get to one of these days." Alexis exhaled. "But not today. Now it's my turn to ask a question."

"What?" Sam asked curiously.

"Why have you never asked about your father before?"

"I guess I was scared."

"Of what?"

"Of being a reminder of him. If you didn't love him, or if he dumped you, or if ... you know ..."

"Forced himself on me?"

Sam nodded. "I was scared that if I made you think of him, and you had bad memories, then you would have more reasons not to like me."

"Oh, Sam ..." Once again, the depths of her daughter's emotional turmoil shocked Alexis. A few moments later sadness replaced the shock.

"I'm not blaming you, Alexis," Sam brushed her mother's arm reassuringly. "I'm really glad you told me. I really needed to know."

Alexis nodded. "I'm glad you asked."

Sam smiled. "Would you be against me looking his family up?"

"Not at all. It's up to you. If you want to meet them, I could go with you if you like. Take some time to process everything, and then let me know what you decide."

"It might be a good idea to talk about this with the therapist."

Alexis smiled. "Sounds like a plan."

"I'm so relieved that he's a happy memory for you."

"And I'm so thankful that _you_ are no longer just a memory for me. I love you, Sam."

"I, uh ... I love you too."

"Oh, Sam ..." Alexis pulled her daughter into a hug. "You have no idea how much that means to me."

Sam hugged her back tightly. "As much as it means to me when you say it."

"Well, then I'll just have to star saying it every hour, won't it? I love you, Sam. I love you."

Sam chuckled, pulling out of the embrace. "I love you too."

Alexis felt tears well up in her eyes again. She quickly blinked them away. "Is there anything else you'd like to know about your father? Before I start crying again?"

Sam smiled. "I don't know. Just tell me how he was. With you."

"He was always so considerate. I have to admit, he was somewhat of a mama's boy, but she raised him right. He was always respectful of girls, and he never did those mean things like pull up a girl's skirt or snap a girl's bra, like the other boys did. But he'd play the same pranks on girls that he did on boys."

"Gender neutrality, huh?"

Alexis laughed. "The best times were the weekends. The boys would challenge the girls to water balloon fights, and when it got colder, we had snowball fights."

"So the school wasn't such a prison after all."

"It depended on who you were imprisoned with. But those first few months when I was pregnant with you, and I was supposed to be fainting and getting sick, but instead those were the happiest days of my adolescence. How strange is that?"

"God works in mysterious ways?"

"I guess she does."

Sam laughed. "So tell me more about Mo. Like what makes you think of him?"

"Ice-skating. He took me ice-skating for the first time. It took so long for me to learn, but he was so patient, and he would always ..."

Alexis heard her voice soften as she let her memories retell the story. She'd imagined telling Sam about her father many times, but it paled in comparison to the present moment. Her daughter's eyes, so much like Mo's, lit up at the smallest detail, and the guilt that had become Alexis' shadow finally began to heal.

* * *


	18. Because of You pt10

A/N: This is the last part of the SamLexis story. I've decided to stop posting my stories here since no one is reviewing.

* * *

**Because of You pt.10**

Sam leaned back onto the couch. "You know, I really like when we talk. Like now. It makes me feel closer to you. And it's interesting to learn about your experiences ... as a daughter and as a friend."

"I feel the same way. And I really like the fact that we're able to talk as equals ... about life, work, friends, men ... everything."

"And sex?"

"Sure, why not."

"Really?"

"Yeah. So tell me about you and Lucky."

"The sex is great."

"I didn't mean the sex."

"Didn't you say you wanted to talk about sex?"

"Yeah, but not just sex."

Sam laughed. "Things are going well, I think. It feels a little strange, but he does make me happy, and I feel ... I can't find the word, but there are times when I feel that things are finally in their right place. Do you know what I mean?"

Alexis gave a little nod. "You feel fulfilled."

"That's the word. I don't feel fulfilled all the time, but I think I feel it more often than I used to, so I guess that's good."

"If he makes you happy, hold onto that."

"I'm trying."

"Good, 'cause I know what I'm talking about. From more experiences than I care to remember," Alexis finished wistfully.

"I didn't mean to brag about me and—"

"You weren't, I asked. And you should never apologize for being happy. If we were all a little happier, this world would be a much better place to live. But back to you and Lucky."

"Well, there's not much else to tell. Oh, there's this funny story. So the other day, we were babysitting the boys, and basically, he points out that I'm short. Can you believe he actually said that?"

"Wait until the next time I see that Spencer!" Alexis feigned fury.

Sam laughed. "Such a mama bear."

"And so what if you're on the short side? You're very well-proportioned. And your boyfriends will never be shorter than you, even when you wear heels."

"You're being all optimistic again."

Alexis smiled. "I'm being practical."

"It's not practical in everything."

"You mean the 69?"

"Eeeee!" Sam's hand covered her mouth. "I can't believe you just said that."

Alexis chuckled.

"Okay, sorry about that. I was just surprised. I never ever thought that I'd have a mother who would talk to me about any aspect of sex, let alone about the 69."

"See? This is what I meant by us being better in a different way."

"I like it ... oh, I just had an idea. Hang on a sec," Sam said, running to the kitchen.

A few minutes later, she came back with two glasses and a bottle of vodka.

"This is the only alcohol that I have."

"Okay ..." Alexis was confused.

Sam poured the vodka and handed Alexis her glass.

"I really liked what you said, so I thought we should commemorate it." Sam raised her glass. "S­o, here's to us being better in a different way."

"Here here," Alexis said, as their glasses clinked together, and they both downed the drink.

"As for the 69," Sam said, "it works if we're both on our sides."

Alexis couldn't help but laugh. "You are so my daughter. Let's have another."

Sam poured.

"So here's to our creative sex lives," Alexis said.

"And to you finding someone to share it with."

"And soon," Alexis added, as the glasses clinked, and the shots went down.

"We're going to be drunk in fifteen minutes if we continue drinking shots," Sam said.

"That's how they drink vodka in Russia."

"And we are a bit Russian, aren't we?"

"Yeah, we are."

"Drink to that?" Sam asked, pouring more vodka.

"Why not?" Alexis lifted her glass. "Here's to our royal-slash-psycho Russian heritage."

Clink. Down.

"But since we were on the topic of sex, let's set some ground rules," Alexis said, returning the glass to the coffee table.

"Mm-hm?"

"I don't want to talk about sex with men we've both slept with. Ever. Because that's just--"

"Ewww," they both said in unison.

"We're talking about Ric and Sonny, right?"

Alexis tilted her head in acknowledgement and then winked. "So far."

"You mean to say that you're planning to seduce Lucky? Or Jason?" Sam's eyes opened wide. "Or both?"

Alexis grinned.

"Or Jax? Actually, I've always wanted to know how come you've never slept with Jax? You've known each other for forever. You were married, for God's sake. Hmm. Are you sure you've never slept with him? Because if you haven't, I can't even begin to tell you what you missed out—"

"I don't want to know! I don't want to know!" Alexis shouted, clamping her hands over her ears.

"Touchy touchy."

"I'd rather not imagine my best friend doing, uh ... stuff to my daughter. In my mind, Jax is uncorrupted by earthly pleasures."

"You sound like he's your son."

"We're like brother and sister."

"Whatever you say ..." Sam chuckled. "So, anyway, to be on the same page, it's just Sonny and Ric?"

"Only in our family would the word _just_ be appropriate in that sentence, but yes, Ric and Sonny are off limits."

"Don't you think it's weird that they're brothers?"

"Has anyone ever told you that you're as tactful as a turd in a punchbowl? In order to keep my sanity, I prefer to ignore that fact, especially since they've each fathered one of my children. Now, how about a change of subject?"

"Okay, but I agree with your initial point. Because if you decide to sleep with Jason I wouldn't want to talk about it. At all. Ever. Just for the record."

"And if I can't talk to you then there's no point in sleeping with him, is there?"

Sam rolled her eyes.

"Don't roll your eyes at me, young lady!" Alexis said, wagging her finger at Sam.

"You so love being a mother, don't you?"

"Wouldn't trade it for the world."

Her daughter's lips formed into a soft smile, and a brief moment of silence fell upon them.

"So, how would you like to go for that walk? Before we end up drowning ourselves in vodka."

"Now?" Sam seemed surprised.

"Unless you have other plans?"

"Don't you have to get back home to the girls?"

"Viola is staying until I get back. Whenever that may be."

"But they'll be asleep."

Alexis smiled at Sam's concern for her sisters. "I talked to them before I came. Actually, Kristina wasn't happy about me being gone for the second evening in a row."

"What did you say?"

"I explained that I needed some alone time with her big sister."

"Alone time, huh?"

"Mm-hm."

"I like the sound of that."

"You better because I had to promise to take her and Molly to Toys R Us _and_ to McDonald's tomorrow."

Sam raised an eyebrow. "McDonald's?"

"I know, I know," Alexis said, shaking her head. "You want to come?"

"Are you sure?"

"More family time for us. And the four of us are a family, Sam. And we always will be. Okay?"

Sam nodded.

"Your sisters miss you. A lot. Oh, and Kristina specifically invited you, as her biiiiiiiiig sister, to her currently-nonexistent sleepover."

"You're having a sleepover?"

"In the spur of the moment I promised to organize one because there's some snobby girl in her class who won't invite her to hers, and I need to ask Sonny and—"

"Sonny?"

"Yeah. She didn't really believe me, but once I mentioned Sonny, she got all excited. So I need to ask him, and we need to figure out where to do the sleepover. Just the thought of that sleepover gives me a headache. So let's go for that walk."

"I guess I should take advantage of my alone time quota before that sleepover takes over your life. Do you have any idea what an 8-year-old girls' sleepover is like?"

"I'm about to find out."

"Girls at that age can be vicious. Especially rich girls."

"Sounds like experience talking."

"I used to work in kids' party planning."

"Is there anything you _haven't_ done?"

"I've always wanted to try fire eating, but I haven't gotten around to it yet."

"God, I hope you're joking."

Sam laughed. "But anyway, I can help you with the sleepover."

"Great. Kristina will love that, and so will I."

"A Davis girls' project?"

"That's right, a Davis g—"

The ring of Alexis' phone interrupted the conversation.

She reached for the phone. "It's Diane, give me a minute," she said before answering. "Hi, Diane."

"_Are you busy? __You better not be. I just bought two bottles of the most expensive wine at the liquor store, and I need you to help me drink it." _

"Now is not a good time. Is everything okay?"

"_Max is being impossible. Men are such idiots sometimes. Where is __the corkscrew?"_

"It's okay if you have to go," Sam said.

Alexis shook her head.

"I'll drop by your place later. Is that okay?" she said to Diane.

"_As you wish. But what's __more important than supporting your only girlfriend in her time of need?" _

Alexis looked at Sam. "Spending quality time with my daughter."

Sam smiled.

"_You mean Sam?" _

"Mm-hm."

"_You're still talking to her?" _

"Diane ..."

"_I suppose I have to __support you because that's what friends do. But quid pro quo. You better show up later." _

"Save the second bottle for me."

"_It would be so much easier if you didn't have so many __kids."_

"Bye, Diane," Alexis said, hanging up.

"Are you sure you don't have to go?" Sam asked.

"I'm sure. So, are _we _going?"

"Let me go change. It looks cold outside."

"It's windy. Take a scarf."

"Okay ... Mom."

Alexis couldn't help but smile. It felt so natural to hear Sam call her _Mom_. The word had seemed to easily roll off her tongue, and there was no bitterness in her voice. She pulled her daughter in for a quick hug. "Yes, I'm your mom. Always."

"So you don't mind if I call you that? Like in public?"

"Why would I mind?"

"Because people might think that you're older than you really are."

"They can think whatever they want, as long as they see how proud I am to be your mother."

Sam's face crumpled up, as she leaned in to embrace Alexis, who felt her eyes misting again.

Gently, her daughter pulled out of the hug. "I better get dressed or we'll never go for that walk."

Alexis watched Sam proceed to her bedroom. She smiled. Things were going well. Very well.

After clearing the coffee table and putting on her coat, she fished through her purse for her cell phone.

Alexis typed: _"The talk went great. I'll tell you all about it over a cup of your very best coffee. Free tomorrow?"_

She reread the message and pressed the Send button. It would be nice to talk to Sonny about it. He knew, he understood, he helped. She wished he could always be like that.

The phone double beeped.

Alexis read the message: _"Any place, any time."_

She smiled.

"What are you smiling at?" Sam asked, wrapping the long scarf around her neck.

"Oh, nothing."

"You're still smiling. Which bad boy are you thinking about now?"

"Oh, relax, Sam. It's only Sonny." Alexis showed Sam the message.

"You asked Sonny to have sex with you?!"

"Coffee, Sam. It's coffee. We're meeting for coffee. Honestly!"

"But you were smiling."

"Well, this message is very Sonny, so I was smiling. No sex involved."

"Not yet."

"Sam ..."

"He's flirting with you, and you either don't see it, or you don't want to see it, or you see it but you don't want me to know. Anyhow, he's flirting with you."

"Even if he were flirting, and I'm not saying that he is, he flirts with everybody."

"True, _but_ Sonny doesn't say _any place, any time _to just anybody—when there's no sex involved, that is."

"Uh ... uh ..."

"No point in defending him; we both know it's true. But anyway, if there's no sex involved, as you say, then he most definitely is flirting, and I would say even more than flirting."

"It doesn't matter if he is or he isn't 'cause we're just having coffee. Just coffee."

"And you were grinning like an infatuated schoolgirl over just coffee?"

"I was not grinning like an infatuated school—" Alexis stopped, seeing Sam smile. "You're pulling my leg, aren't you?"

"A little." She narrowed her eyes at Alexis. "But I still think something else is going on."

"You've seen too many romantic comedies."

"Oh, so you do admit that there's something romantic going on?"

Alexis sighed. "Are we going for that walk or not?"

"Only if you tell me what's going on between you and Sonny."

"Nothing's _going on_. We just talk sometimes. And that's it. We talk. We like talking to each other."

Sam crossed her arms. "Since when does Sonny like just talking?"

"Well, in my experience, Sonny likes to talk. End of story."

"Maybe he just likes talking to you?"

"Maybe so, but it's still only talking."

"The last time you and Sonny liked talking this much, didn't you end up pregnant?"

"It seems like your mind is already made up. For the record, you're reading too much into this. Now, are we going?"

"We're going, but don't think this is the end of it. We need to have a Sonny talk. And I want a detailed report of the coffee date."

"It's not a—"

"Yes, it is."

"Why do I bother?"

"When are you meeting him?

"Sometime tomorrow."

"Aren't you going to reply?"

"He can wait."

"I knew it! You're playing hard to get! You're flirting back."

"I'm not saying another word until we get out of here."

"Geez. Maybe Sonny is a sore subject."

"Arghh." Alexis was exasperated.

"I'm just messing with you. You're so easy to tease."

"That's what he always says."

"'Cause it's true!"

"Let's go."

"Lemme just leave a note for Lucky."

"You leaving a note. And he has a key. This is serious."

"Like you didn't already know that he has the key."

"Why are you not easy to tease?" Alexis pouted.

Sam scribbled a note and left it on the coffee table.

"Did you just draw a heart?"

"Yeah ..."

"You're such a girl! A heart. How cute."

"Is this you trying to tease me?"

"Mm-hm. Is it working?"

"Not really."

Alexis couldn't help but laugh.

"Okay, I'm ready," Sam said, grabbing the rest of her things, as they exited the apartment.

Alexis pressed the elevator button.

"So do you think that from now on it'll all be better between us?" Sam asked.

"I think that if we both put in the effort there's nothing that we can't overcome. Together."

"I hope you're right."

"I know I am."

Sam smiled. "So we can only go up from here?"

"Oh, Sam ..." Alexis placed her hand on Sam's shoulder. "We're Cassadines. This was just the tip of the iceberg."

Sam crossed her arms. "But we're also Davis girls."

Alexis smiled, running her fingers through Sam's hair. "Yes, we are, my daughter, and Davis girls stick together. No matter what."

"In spite of the Cassadine?"

"And because of it."

**The End.**

* * *


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